I broke NC

Open forum ... what's on your mind? Want to vent or lament about your Limerent/Love Object? This is the ideal place.
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moonbeams1225
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I broke NC

Post by moonbeams1225 »

I only made it one full day NC. I sent him a message asking him if he wanted to hear a fantasy I have about him (sometimes he likes when I send sexual messages). He hasn’t written back, and I know he got it. 😞 He’s never going to miss my attention because I can’t go very long at all without contacting him!! That’s the only reason why he is enamored with his girlfriend- she blows hot and cold, so he eats from her hand. I am a welcome mat, so he has no respect for me. He only gives me attention when they break up and he feels lonely. Uggggghhhhh I hate myself right now!!! Thanks for listening!
Last edited by moonbeams1225 on Sat Jan 11, 2020 12:39 am, edited 1 time in total.
Married with co-worker LO My current goal: NC until he gives me the attention I want ( never went longer than 4 days :-o and whenever I feel like contacting him, I will come here.

Bettyboo
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Re: I broke NC

Post by Bettyboo »

I broke it too. I hate myself. Want to send another text saying sorry for the first one but that’ll just make it all worse.

We’re only human.

NoDayDreaming

Re: I broke NC

Post by NoDayDreaming »

yes, forgive yourself and start another day with a clean slate. take it one day at a time.

Cookie
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Joined: Wed Sep 27, 2017 4:08 pm
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Re: I broke NC

Post by Cookie »

Hi girls,

It's a new day. Start it by forgiving yourselves. @};-

What I came to realize over many years of this is that beating ourselves up is part of the pain cycle...and part of what keeps the addiction going. It's really just fuel for the underlying worthlessness and self-loathing that brought us here in the first place.

You know what I think now about the War and Peace-length messages I sent LO? Who cares?!? He could give a flying f*** about me, and I could give a flying f*** about pouring my heart and soul out to him and trying to explain myself six ways from Sunday.

Funny--I used to draft them all out in Gmail first then paste them into Messenger or a text message. Of course Google saves all those drafts and they're ALL there. Oh man, what a train wreck!! :))

Interesting to me that they NEVER block us. Know why? Because they LOVE getting this attention. We are often the ghosts of their neglectful moms, just as they are the ghosts of ours.

For the record, I almost sent mine a package yesterday with a bunch of crap he had mailed me after I cut off contact. Yeah...he's sick too. But I refrained. Silence is golden.

STARVE THE VAMPIRES!!
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Bettyboo
Posts: 255
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Re: I broke NC

Post by Bettyboo »

The blocking thing is spot on Cookie. I’m not sure if I’m
Blocked or set to ‘ignore’ on messenger.
I think I’ll be fine time tomorrow just feeling emotional because I saw some gorgeous photos of him at a wedding. I never actually fancied him that much, certainly didn’t notice him the night we first met and he commented on the all the time.. but in these pictures he looked absolutely gorgeous. They were from taken in our early months of messaging.

We’ll get through it all together though guys. The support here is fab

Cookie
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Re: I broke NC

Post by Cookie »

Bettyboo wrote:
Fri Jan 10, 2020 3:06 pm
The blocking thing is spot on Cookie. I’m not sure if I’m
Blocked or set to ‘ignore’ on messenger.
And there's a big difference, of course. I guess I would just add is that the hesitation in truly blocking him is keeping you tied to dysfunction. So, whenever you realize that this is destroying you (and it is), you will take that last step. Unless you want to be destroyed, and I've often thought that sustained limerence is akin to a death wish.
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moonbeams1225
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Re: I broke NC

Post by moonbeams1225 »

Update: so I texted him, “would you like to hear about a little fantasy I have of you,” and he responded about 40 minutes later “sure, what’s up,” but I never wrote him back. It was on Snapchat, so I can just not answer and it will look like I forgot, and if his interest is really peaked, he will ask me again about it. This way the ball is my court, so it wasn’t a complete loss. Ugghhh why is NC so hard??!!!
Married with co-worker LO My current goal: NC until he gives me the attention I want ( never went longer than 4 days :-o and whenever I feel like contacting him, I will come here.

Cookie
Posts: 1093
Joined: Wed Sep 27, 2017 4:08 pm
United States of America

Re: I broke NC

Post by Cookie »

moonbeams1225 wrote:
Fri Jan 10, 2020 3:46 pm
Ugghhh why is NC so hard??!!!
The same reason that quitting heroin is hard. You're an addict.
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NoDayDreaming

Re: I broke NC

Post by NoDayDreaming »

LOL, funny but true. actually not funny, sorry!

marko
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Re: I broke NC

Post by marko »

You want to feel better, it's what we do. The self loathing starts it all over again. Oh well, my continued NC isn't spectacular either.

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