Information: Please take a moment and visit your profile to choose a flag.

Platonic Limerence

Open forum ... what's on your mind? Want to vent or lament about your Limerent/Love Object? This is the ideal place.
Elmop3632
Posts: 36
Joined: Thu Dec 19, 2019 3:42 am
Gender:
Canada

Platonic Limerence

Post by Elmop3632 » Wed Jan 08, 2020 10:58 pm

Is platonic limerence possible? Or is there no such thing? Since all limerence has to be sexual. I couldn't find the previous forum where somebody asked the same question. Please direct me to that post.

User avatar
NoDayDreaming
Posts: 1331
Joined: Wed Nov 07, 2018 5:44 pm
Gender:
United States of America

Re: Platonic Limerence

Post by NoDayDreaming » Thu Jan 09, 2020 4:28 pm

i'll bite. even though there are erotic/sexual underpinnings of limerence, most don't consummate it and keep it on the platonic level, at least on the surface.
i guess it's possible to be attracted to someone on the level of deep attachment and honesty alone and keep it purely platonic bypassing the erotic/sexual thing. but would we call it limerence? i think not, because then there is no addiction, no fear, and no emotional roller-coaster.
I'm limerence free and I'm not afraid of it anymore. I learn something new about myself and life everyday. There is hope and so much more. NC works. Be free, be happy! In retrospect, LE was about the best thing that has happened in my life.

JupiterTaco
Posts: 4021
Joined: Sun Jun 28, 2015 6:12 pm
United States of America

Re: Platonic Limerence

Post by JupiterTaco » Thu Jan 09, 2020 5:20 pm

Elmop3632 wrote:
Wed Jan 08, 2020 10:58 pm
Is platonic limerence possible? Or is there no such thing? Since all limerence has to be sexual. I couldn't find the previous forum where somebody asked the same question. Please direct me to that post.
Yes there is such a thing. Many people have asked this question (possibly even in the sexuality section). Now there's this idea that's been brought up that men tend to experience non-sexual limerence whereas women experience sexual limerence, but it probably varies. Mine was sexual and I thought that was all it was until jealousy.
"What made you think you could just walk in there and find...what we need?"-Ed Masry
"They're called boobs, Ed."-Erin Brockovich

NVTS
Posts: 600
Joined: Wed Sep 13, 2017 4:49 pm
Fiji

Re: Platonic Limerence

Post by NVTS » Thu Jan 09, 2020 6:49 pm

@JT:
As a male serial limerent( hopefully ending with the latest LO), although sex is a compulsory component of LE it isn’t the main driver. My T looked at my LE pattern and saw that as a child I have been looking for a DEEP CONNECTION with a female that I didn’t get (to this day) from my mother.

If there’s no physical attraction then I don’t think LE can occur.
M-47-married
LO- married 48,work colleagues

L-F
Posts: 2710
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: Platonic Limerence

Post by L-F » Thu Jan 09, 2020 7:55 pm

NVTS wrote:
Thu Jan 09, 2020 6:49 pm
As a male serial limerent( hopefully ending with the latest LO), although sex is a compulsory component of LE it isn’t the main driver. My T looked at my LE pattern and saw that as a child I have been looking for a DEEP CONNECTION with a female that I didn’t get (to this day) from my mother.

If there’s no physical attraction then I don’t think LE can occur.
So what you are saying NVTS is that men use SEX as a way to find that deep connection?
"What we all want, really, is to be loved.
That craving drives our worst behavior." Jodi Picoult
@};-

NVTS
Posts: 600
Joined: Wed Sep 13, 2017 4:49 pm
Fiji

Re: Platonic Limerence

Post by NVTS » Sun Jan 12, 2020 4:49 pm

Not necessarily L-F. In the definitions of Limerence there is necessarily a sexual attraction component, without it LE doesn’t occur. I (we) come across attractive people ALL THE TIME, whether at work or the local coffee shop or standing in the que at the grocery store. For LE to happen (for me anyway) there has to be an intellectual and seemingly spiritual element in addition to the physical attraction.

I suppose most men who have a healthy attachment to their mother or mother figure won’t seek that sort of connection with another woman. They are just normal people with secure attachment styles.

So had I not found LO to be attractive I suppose I could have had a relatively healthy platonic friendship all else being the same.

My mother being both emotionally unavailable and not being the touchy/ feely person(hugs, etc, non sexual physical intimacy I suppose) has really caused a disorganized style of attachment in me. Therefore I am constantly seeking this perfect woman and unfortunately SO doesn’t fit the bill( probably hoping to meet that Unicorn), I put LO on that pedastel; which is/was extremely unfair to her.
M-47-married
LO- married 48,work colleagues

L-F
Posts: 2710
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: Platonic Limerence

Post by L-F » Sun Jan 12, 2020 8:44 pm

NVTS wrote:
Sun Jan 12, 2020 4:49 pm
Not necessarily L-F. In the definitions of Limerence there is necessarily a sexual attraction component, without it LE doesn’t occur.
See this I find interesting. There have been several limerent males on here state that their limerence wasn't sexual in nature. Meaning, they found their LO attractive and quite possibly physically attractive, yet limerence per se didn't involve wanting to have sex with their LO.

Which now makes me scratch my head as to whether or not they were textbook limerent?
"What we all want, really, is to be loved.
That craving drives our worst behavior." Jodi Picoult
@};-

User avatar
NoDayDreaming
Posts: 1331
Joined: Wed Nov 07, 2018 5:44 pm
Gender:
United States of America

Re: Platonic Limerence

Post by NoDayDreaming » Sun Jan 12, 2020 11:35 pm

L-F wrote:
Sun Jan 12, 2020 8:44 pm
There have been several limerent males on here state that their limerence wasn't sexual in nature. Meaning, they found their LO attractive and quite possibly physically attractive, yet limerence per se didn't involve wanting to have sex with their LO.
IMHO, physical attractiveness is based on eroticism/sexuality. and the drive to be emotionally close to LO is in part driven by the instinct to mate. but it doesn't mean that i wanted to have sex with my LOs on the rational level. actually, quite the opposite.
I'm limerence free and I'm not afraid of it anymore. I learn something new about myself and life everyday. There is hope and so much more. NC works. Be free, be happy! In retrospect, LE was about the best thing that has happened in my life.

L-F
Posts: 2710
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: Platonic Limerence

Post by L-F » Sun Jan 12, 2020 11:51 pm

Naturally we don't want to on a rational level, on a limerent level quite possibly.

Thus, those males who weren't attracted to their LO on a sexual level (whether limerent or rationally), confuses me.
"What we all want, really, is to be loved.
That craving drives our worst behavior." Jodi Picoult
@};-

User avatar
WishMagick
Posts: 238
Joined: Fri Dec 13, 2019 8:00 pm
Location: Wonderland
Gender:
United States of America

Re: Platonic Limerence

Post by WishMagick » Mon Jan 13, 2020 3:50 am

NVTS wrote:
Thu Jan 09, 2020 6:49 pm
although sex is a compulsory component of LE it isn’t the main driver
For me and this LE, this just isn't true.

Sex and sexual attraction is and was the main driver. I became instantly limerent over my current LO just by looking at him once. The obsessive thoughts and sex fantasies began immediately after I saw him. I didn't know anything about him. I hadn't even heard him speak.

And the last LE that I had before this was the same deal. Only saw the guy's photo, and I was instantly limerent (Though, that was a really weird experience that lead me to seeing his photo and meeting him. So maybe that doesn't count).
Married - 38.5 yrs old
LO is married - 32 yrs old - lives next door!!!
Semi-LC. Slowly recovering.

I'm a SAHM and indie musician. "My unyielding melancholy brings all the existentialists to the yard"

Post Reply

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 4 guests