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Tired of lurking

For those not quite ready to start looking at their limerence as a condition that needs working on.
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Limey
Posts: 19
Joined: Wed Apr 03, 2019 12:11 am
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Age: 32
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Tired of lurking

Post by Limey » Wed Dec 11, 2019 2:42 pm

I've posted a couple times before but mostly I sign in here to read others struggles while I wait for an email from LO. Tired of lurking, thought I'd share a little bit of where I'm at. In a full blown EA with LO. We've been talking for at least 2 years. It seems like it is escalating which is terrifying and exciting all at once. I think about breaking it off but I'm so far down the rabbit hole there's no going back. Maybe at some point but I just can't imagine my life without him in it. The limerence portion isn't quite as painful because there is plenty of reciprocation. I certainly know it drives me to do sone crazy things but I'm having fun. Both of our spouses know and quietly disaprove of our association. How long can we go on like this? I keep pushing, hoping in the back of my mind that he finally ends it. I need him to break my heart. It sounds so weak when I type it but I'll quit smoking before I do anything about this particular addiction.

John
Posts: 60
Joined: Sun Feb 24, 2019 3:14 pm
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United States of America

Re: Tired of lurking

Post by John » Wed Dec 11, 2019 3:09 pm

Welcome Limey! Do you have physical contact with your LO and how much does your spouse know about the EA? Seems like quiet disapproval is too mild of a reaction for a spouse.

Limey
Posts: 19
Joined: Wed Apr 03, 2019 12:11 am
Gender:
Age: 32
United States of America

Re: Tired of lurking

Post by Limey » Wed Dec 11, 2019 3:51 pm

There is not much physical contact. Spouses know we talk and that we have had a few outings. It didn't cross into EA until recently. We don't have any real life mutual ties. Pretty safe really. Except for the way I feel about it of course.

Maddie
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Re: Tired of lurking

Post by Maddie » Wed Dec 11, 2019 6:52 pm

Limey wrote:
Wed Dec 11, 2019 2:42 pm
I keep pushing, hoping in the back of my mind that he finally ends it. I need him to break my heart. It sounds so weak when I type it but I'll quit smoking before I do anything about this particular addiction.
this was my plan and it has failed miserably. we have a lot of contact, I'll put it that way. I really wish I'd done something before I got to this point. I can relate to the excitement and not knowing how to quit despite a lot of help and support. maybe I don't want to.

welcome...many have recovered when they did the work :)
40, F
ex-LO, 51 , M
Mental health is an ongoing commitment to reality at all costs-- (M Scott Peck)

Limey
Posts: 19
Joined: Wed Apr 03, 2019 12:11 am
Gender:
Age: 32
United States of America

Re: Tired of lurking

Post by Limey » Wed Dec 11, 2019 8:48 pm

Thanks Maddie. @};- Thank you for comisserating and for the advice. I can see how it wrong it could go. I know I can recover once its over it's just ending it that seems impossible for sure. I don't really want to truthfully even though I know it would be best for my family. Someone on here once told me to figure out what LO can do for you and do it for myself instead. Well how am I supposed to swap witty thought provoking banter with myself? I do have the same sense of humor with friends but no one dishes it back like he does. It will be a big hole to fill. I know my LO would have been happy to keep it at that but I had to go and get feelings involved. Sigh. It's a pickle to be sure.

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