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Here we are again...

Open forum ... what's on your mind? Want to vent or lament about your Limerent/Love Object? This is the ideal place.
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Yesnomaybeso
Posts: 80
Joined: Tue Dec 18, 2018 12:11 pm
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Age: 28
Australia

Here we are again...

Post by Yesnomaybeso » Sun Nov 10, 2019 11:45 am

It’s been a while since I’ve had the urge to post on here. It took about a year for me to get over my LO but if I’m honest “meeting” someone else helped the process along. Today the person I’ve been saying I love you to told me they in fact did not. That we are not suited for each other. Even though I admit that it’s true obviously I feel upset. This was purely an online relationship but I had every intention of flying over to meet irl next year. I know I’ll be able to get over this and the pain won’t be as bad as the past due to a better understanding but they were my support network, we talked everyday for six months. I feel that I have borderline personality disorder and it’s connected to limerence. I often tried to push him away... tested him, picked fights, told him I hated him one minute and loved him the next. He knew I had issues and wanted to help. But here we are.. he told me he can’t help me or himself. But we can still be friends. I can’t help but feel I’ll never be able to have a sane relationship. Whether it’s limerence or BPD.. I find it hard to let someone love me.

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NoDayDreaming
Posts: 1060
Joined: Wed Nov 07, 2018 5:44 pm
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United States of America

Re: Here we are again...

Post by NoDayDreaming » Mon Nov 11, 2019 4:12 am

i feel for you YesNo. we both started the journey about the same time. i'm sure you matured some since. i certainly have myself. Never say never, because you'll be wrong most of the times. we change. i'm somewhere on the BPD/BD/neuroticism spectrum myself and made a huge improvement. right now, when i take a personalty test, my neuroticism is about average (slightly above) while i was in 80+ percentile before. and it's not just me. if you look at the longitudinal studies on BPD, most people get better in 5-10 years. we keep changing and evolving.

so, you have a fear of rejection. it's still just a fear and we know how to treat it. by exposure therapy. you need to put yourself in situations that guaranties rejection, but on a small scale. say walk to the best looking man in the room and ask for a date. more extreme variant is approaching every man in a restaurant and offering your phone #. you get the drift. don't do that if you live in a small town, though.

i also believe when you adopt loving attitude to others, loving meaning unconditional kindness, when you can get there, your problems will be over.
I'm limerence free and I'm not afraid of it anymore. I learn something new about myself and life everyday. There is hope and so much more. NC works. Be free, be happy! In retrospect, LE was about the best thing that has happened in my life.

Yesnomaybeso
Posts: 80
Joined: Tue Dec 18, 2018 12:11 pm
Gender:
Age: 28
Australia

Re: Here we are again...

Post by Yesnomaybeso » Tue Nov 12, 2019 12:16 am

Thanks for your reply nodaydreaming. Those statistics sound reassuring.

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