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:((

Open forum ... what's on your mind? Want to vent or lament about your Limerent/Love Object? This is the ideal place.
JupiterTaco
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Re: :((

Post by JupiterTaco » Mon Nov 11, 2019 5:36 pm

L-F wrote:
Mon Nov 11, 2019 5:32 pm
Then they'd be sociopaths, not your everyday jo blogs. I'm guessing most LS are everyday jo blogs. But then, I have seen some LS love-bomb their LO.
Narcissists, borderlines, histrionics, and possibly even some cluster c types do the same thing, as can people with FLEAs. For someone who preaches so much, you don't seem to know much.
"I can't be held responsible, she fell in love in the first place"-The Freshmen-The Verve Pipe

L-F
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Re: :((

Post by L-F » Mon Nov 11, 2019 5:41 pm

Love bombing is an attempt to influence a person by demonstrations of attention and affection. It can be used in different ways and can be used for either a positive or negative purpose.

I've seen more LS love-bomb their LO. So are LS emotionally raping?
If only we'd sit with the void too... then perhaps we won't need to fill it once we get over the fear of its existence. L-F

L-F
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Re: :((

Post by L-F » Mon Nov 11, 2019 5:42 pm

JupiterTaco wrote:
Mon Nov 11, 2019 5:36 pm
L-F wrote:
Mon Nov 11, 2019 5:32 pm
Then they'd be sociopaths, not your everyday jo blogs. I'm guessing most LS are everyday jo blogs. But then, I have seen some LS love-bomb their LO.
Narcissists, borderlines, histrionics, and possibly even some cluster c types do the same thing, as can people with FLEAs. For someone who preaches so much, you don't seem to know much.
Is it your intention to personally insult me thus (like a narcissist) try to get the upper hand by doing so?
If only we'd sit with the void too... then perhaps we won't need to fill it once we get over the fear of its existence. L-F

L-F
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Re: :((

Post by L-F » Mon Nov 11, 2019 5:45 pm

I'm talking about emotional raping here. The research behind it, who does it, is it intentional? Can you please share with us some solid research behind this phenomenon? And I mean solid research not hocus-pocus stuff or opinions.
If only we'd sit with the void too... then perhaps we won't need to fill it once we get over the fear of its existence. L-F

JupiterTaco
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Re: :((

Post by JupiterTaco » Mon Nov 11, 2019 5:48 pm

L-F wrote:
Mon Nov 11, 2019 5:45 pm
I'm talking about emotional raping here. The research behind it, who does it, is it intentional? Can you please share with us some solid research behind this phenomenon? And I mean solid research not hocus-pocus stuff or opinions.
Why don't you heed your own advice instead of just spouting crap?
"I can't be held responsible, she fell in love in the first place"-The Freshmen-The Verve Pipe

L-F
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Re: :((

Post by L-F » Mon Nov 11, 2019 5:57 pm

JupiterTaco wrote:
Mon Nov 11, 2019 5:48 pm
L-F wrote:
Mon Nov 11, 2019 5:45 pm
I'm talking about emotional raping here. The research behind it, who does it, is it intentional? Can you please share with us some solid research behind this phenomenon? And I mean solid research not hocus-pocus stuff or opinions.
Why don't you heed your own advice instead of just spouting crap?
I'm trying to start dialogue about an interesting subject yet you're determined to make it personal. Why is that JT?
If only we'd sit with the void too... then perhaps we won't need to fill it once we get over the fear of its existence. L-F

Acrobatica
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Re: :((

Post by Acrobatica » Mon Nov 11, 2019 5:59 pm

WM

I don’t think what you did qualifies as ER.

I think it does qualify as you being angry and trying to provoke a response. It sounds like a child’s temper tantrum. I did one of those to LO. I walked across a street of oncoming traffic dramatically to avoid him and then refused to talk to him during a 5 hour car drive. Then told him he had to pick his gf or me for our next trip. He chose me for the trip. That was 18 months ago. Last I heard he’s still with gf).

I would ask you to question whether your anger is misdirected. From what you have written, you have every right to feel a great deal of anger and betrayal towards your wife. From what you have written, I can’t see much of any reason for you to be so angry with LO.

Full disclosure. The person I am currently obsessing over went back to a gf who cheated on him multiple times. He saw this as his own fault for not being manly enough or desirable enough. (Believe me he is both. Probably the most manly desirable person I have ever met). From our conversations, I am almost certain his gf is currently cheating on him. He is absolutely blind to it and couldn’t even understand my questions when I brought it up.

(Oh and did I mention I just learned, 8 months after leaving, that my ex was cheating on me for years and I absolutely refused to even consider the possibility, despite my therapist asking point blank several times based on things he said and did. No? Oh, and despite the fact that he told me early on in our relationship that he couldn’t stop cheating on prior gfs, and I just thought I was special? No? I don’t like to think about it either. And preferred to obsess over LO mistreating me by dropping me in acrobatic poses, and now prefer to obsess over when NOT an LO will finally wake up to his gf’s cruelty, rather than my own issues).

WM. You seem to be a smart thoughtful guy caught up in a very difficult emotional situation. I encourage you to keep going to therapy. I encourage you to be kind and considerate to everyone, but walk away (kindly) from people who hurt you. I encourage you to recognize that you have a lot of anger, rage, and sadness and find some healthy outlets for it. Boxing. Kickboxing. Wrestling.

Speaking as a fellow limerent, this is NOT about LO. This is about you.

Acrobatica
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Re: :((

Post by Acrobatica » Mon Nov 11, 2019 6:12 pm

Oh. And I totally agree with JT.

One of the most difficult things for me to realize, and I still find it so difficult to truly comprehend, is that my ex h did a lot of his cruelty abso -fucking-lutely intentionally.

My T kept asking. Is this intentional. And I would always say, no. It’s just an unconscious defense mechanism.

It is only when I started paying attention that I truly understood how fucking intentional it all was. My ex H played me like a fiddle, and did things to cause me to blow up so that he could show how mentally ill I was. It was only when I caught on, and refused to blow up, that the games he was playing became so obvious that I could not deny it.

That is probably the greatest and saddest spiritual awakening. There are people in this world who want to hurt you because it makes them feel more powerful. Intentional cruelty for pleasure. Yes. These people exist. And because one of these people is my mother, I tend to fall in love with them and demand that they love me back.

ER is NOT what LS’s do to LOs. We are, for the most part, operating unconsciously. And maybe like WM and me. Throw tantrums here and there.

ER is the dark intentional stuff of psychopaths and narcissists playing with human emotion like a toy to feel power and control.

L-F
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Re: :((

Post by L-F » Mon Nov 11, 2019 7:43 pm

:ymdaydream:
Acrobatica wrote:
Mon Nov 11, 2019 6:12 pm
That is probably the greatest and saddest spiritual awakening. There are people in this world who want to hurt you because it makes them feel more powerful. Intentional cruelty for pleasure. Yes. These people exist.
Oh I know! I've experienced it on here. Funny how people tend to personalize my posts and then insult and attack. I've been attacked on my email dump thread when talking about someone stalking me. I've been told to 'fuck off' by JT using those specific words. I've been taunted, teased, trolled... I'm starting to feel like WM. YET I've never personally attacked or insulted anyone on here. If so, I'd like to see the post for myself so I can profusely apologize.
I've even been asked by a person who has taken it to the personal level and insulted me several times, to edit an old post of theirs so as to remove the fact they had mentioned taking mushrooms to get high so their their ex didn't stumble across the post - guess what. I obliged - no questions asked - no drama.

I'm not disputing ER exists. I'm wanting more information about the unconscious stuff.

Talking of which, if we are made aware of limerence, does that make our limerent behaviour ER? I mean, we know about it, and if we still engaging in checking up on LO, dressing up, love-bombing, etc. are we intentionally raping them? Maybe we are? Who knows?
If only we'd sit with the void too... then perhaps we won't need to fill it once we get over the fear of its existence. L-F

Bridget
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Re: :((

Post by Bridget » Mon Nov 11, 2019 9:30 pm

Ivanhoe wrote:
Sun Nov 10, 2019 6:36 pm
WM,

To play lawyer:

“Emotional rape can be defined as
1) extreme abuse
2) of emotional intimacy,
brought about by
3) intentional psychological or emotional coercion or manipulation”.

Personally,i dislike the expansion of horrific terms like murder, rape, lynching, etc to include drastically less egregious behavior. Doing so devalues these terms.
I very much agree with Ivanhoe. Rape is a very specific thing and the fact that it is physical violation is paramount to it's definition. I was sexually assaulted numerous times during childhood, but because nothing was inserted into a body cavity, I don't consider even those experiences rape.

Is there another word or phrase that defines what folks are calling ER?

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