a lot of things have changed since I was at a really low point a year ago. like many of you, I have reached the bottom. It was very painful. I was depressed, suffering the rejection and humiliation, having emptiness in my heart and in my life. I was obsessively Googling for solutions and somehow I came across obsessive love and later limerence, and the rest is the history.
back then, a year ago, little I knew that I would embark on an emotional Journey of My Life. while truly mind-boggling, it wasn't an easy process. the journey meandered through successes and setbacks. there was still a lot of pain in the process. This forum helped me greatly. I frantically searched this forum and the internet for clues what makes me tick and why I behave and feel the ways I do. Interestingly, being active on the Forum and interacting with many of you, my friends, was a very important factor that helped me to understand myself. You see, it’s easier to see things in others than in ourselves. Eventually, I’ve reached a point that I understood I could not be friends with my LO, we're just not meant to be together, period. as soon as strict NC started, things gradually got better.
then I noticed I was drawn more and more to spiritual things and spiritual beauty. I knew for a long time that part of my life struggle was not having faith and not feeling connected to the higher power. I suspected that caused my existential crises, and the limerence crisis was because I was thirsty for being loved/accepted/understood by the God/higher power (whoever he or she or it is), and I made my LO a false God for myself. Fortunately, I came across wonderful persons who showed me by the example how to approach everything in our life in a loving way. That started my transformation. it took me awhile to figure out my own idea of God that I'm comfortable with. keep in mind, I'm a lifelong atheist, rejecting organized religions all my life. this would not be possible without me searching for clues what God might be and what faith is. I was also greatly helped by spiritual books explaining how to live the life of love. Did I mention that along the way, I met some wonderful people who are sensitive, spiritual, and have a great faith; they showed me the loving way, too? And when I say love/loving, this has nothing to do with romantic love, attraction, desire, Etc. I'm talking about pure kindness, compassion, and selflessness. Unconditional love. this is exactly what Christianity has been teaching for thousands of years and I didn't get it until now, I guess it was too obvious for me. Or maybe I was not mature enough to understand and perhaps distracted by the history of religious wars and the current pedophile scandal?
but seriously, now I believe it's all about your mindset. if you have the mindset to overcome limerence and do the right things, you will overcome limerence. if you change your mindset into the loving way of life, peace, calmness, fearlessness, and happiness will follow.
More to follow later. in the meantime, feel free to ask any questions.
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Keep up the good work.
F. Scott Fitzgerald
and BTW, THANK YOU.
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LO F, 36
LE began 5 years ago, or this year (not sure)
Disclosed to SO
"The watchmaker works all day and long into the night
He pieces things together, despite his failing sight"
1. supplements. initially i took agmatine powder. it's a mild natural antidepressant. then i took ashwagandha root powder. natural anxiolytic and powerful anti stress med (i'm still taking it everyday). along the way, i have been taking low dose lithium (available OTC as lithium orotate) for mood stabilization, important for my possibly borderline/bipolar tendencies.
2. reading books on CBT and getting insights into my maladjusted thoughts and expectations. the most important was to let go my life long perfectionism.
3. meditations and concentrating on here and now, rather than daydreaming. letting go my life long escapism.
4. reading a fun popular sexology book that had 2 parts: for her and for him. we both read it, me and my wife, and it helped us to understand each other better.
5. listening together to a ton of stuff on youtube on relationships, and anything psychological (especially positive psychology) that we could find.
if i remember anything else, i'll add.
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FWIW, I would suggest looking into stoicism. It’s the philosophical precursor to CBT and also influenced the teachings of Paul. It’s not quite what people think when hearing the word (the denial of feelings), rather it’s the conscious placing of feelings in their proper place in your fully realized life. I was recently introduced to it by accident during a health scare. Even in my very limited early understanding it made a big difference in how I looked at what I was going through. Now using the concepts in my relationship and it is helping significantly. I think it fits nicely with Red Pill thinking, Christian teachings about how to live, and recovery from limerence.
"Grief makes children of us all. Any intellectual difference is destroyed. The wisest know nothing."
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