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Need advice asap. Thanks

Open forum ... what's on your mind? Want to vent or lament about your Limerent/Love Object? This is the ideal place.
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Vanguard56
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Need advice asap. Thanks

Post by Vanguard56 » Sat Oct 12, 2019 2:01 am

I am not sure what to do. My story has been told a few times so ill cut to the chase. My ex dropped the bomb on March 24th and moved in with her LO a little later. I've been in no contact successfully for over four months. Its been good for me, getting my act together in every area, lost weight, have a new attitude and it shows. Me and my son (her son too) are moving in a week and she found out a week ago and is starting to reach out in little ways. We live just blocks from her and her new guy, and I can't help think that my moving is causing her to change her perception of me in positive ways. Two days after she found out, she walks her LO's dog by my place, I come out, see her and she gives me a friendly "hello, how are you"? I handled it well. I just gave her a smile and said i'm fine, how are you, and walked up my driveway. Last weekend she texts to say she wanted to get a harddrive of hers I had which has family photos on, which I said yes, come over. I put on a nice outfit and when she came was calm, helpful and happy, displaying my positive changes and great attitude. Evenn though I was nice and pleasant, she kind of rudely just said "I guess that's it", got in her car and left me standing at the curb.
Anyway, She just texted a little while ago saying she wants to get something else of hers and should she pick it on her way home from work tonight. She gets off work at 9pm and I want to tell her I won't be here, that I have plans, this being Friday night and all, so she can see and feel that I have a life and am moving on. Should I instead be here when she comes? I'm torn, because on one hand I want to utilize the "smart contact" and have her see me looking great and Interact in a positive way. Which should I do? I mean, I don't have any control over how much I can see her like this face to face, so maybe I shouldn't waste the opportunity. On the other hand she could see that I indeed have a life. Please help me decide! Thanks so much.

Vanguard56
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Joined: Tue Jul 02, 2019 12:34 am
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Re: Need advice asap. Thanks

Post by Vanguard56 » Sat Oct 12, 2019 2:09 am

Forgot to mention- She came last Saturday to get the hard drive and was a little mean the way she left, and I was nice and friendly the whole two minutes or so. She texted me that night, a short text telling me that a show I watch is starting its 5th season this week. I responded "thanks for the info, was nice to see you". Maybe I'm being presumptuous she's moving back towards me. IDK.

Vanguard56
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Re: Need advice asap. Thanks

Post by Vanguard56 » Sat Oct 12, 2019 2:12 am

Am I reading too much into all of this? Or is she just relieved that I'm not resentful for her destroying me six and a half months ago? Is it obvious I want to reconcile with her?

JupiterTaco
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Re: Need advice asap. Thanks

Post by JupiterTaco » Sat Oct 12, 2019 2:25 am

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Last edited by JupiterTaco on Sat Oct 12, 2019 4:28 am, edited 1 time in total.
F.E.A.R-Forget Everything And Run or Face Everything And Rise

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Best
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Re: Need advice asap. Thanks

Post by Best » Sat Oct 12, 2019 2:31 am

Sounds like a complicated situation, since you have a child together. IMO it's worth maintaining a healthy relationship for that reason alone. On the other hand, she abandoned her son (!) to be with this other man, which is both selfish and wrong IMO (unless your son is an adult who can look after himself).

Whatever you choose to do, make sure it's in your and your son's best interests. Over-analyzing other people's psychological state doesn't really help anything, since it doesn't have much to do with the decision.

Vanguard56
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Re: Need advice asap. Thanks

Post by Vanguard56 » Sat Oct 12, 2019 2:45 am

Thanks Best. Great advice. My situation is complicated! My son is 22, we were married for 30 years (read my old posts).

L-F
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United States of America

Re: Need advice asap. Thanks

Post by L-F » Sat Oct 12, 2019 8:37 am

Aww Vanguard :(
I would feel pained and a complete mess. I'm not even sure how you are holding it together. Are you holding it together? It sounds like you are being nice given the situation and I take my hat off to you.

I have no advice. All I can say is stay being nice? I know I couldn't given the situation but that's me.

All the best Vanguard!
If only we'd sit with the void too... then perhaps we won't need to fill it once we get over the fear of its existence. L-F

tigerflea
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Re: Need advice asap. Thanks

Post by tigerflea » Sat Oct 12, 2019 8:09 pm

I think you should be unavailable. You should not be at her beck and call. Show her that you are moving on and can live a happy and fulfilling life independently of her. I'm not sure what your ultimate objective is (to win her back?). If so, a positive interaction won't change her perception of you - but living an independent life might. Hope this is helpful :)

Acrobatica
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Re: Need advice asap. Thanks

Post by Acrobatica » Wed Oct 16, 2019 7:23 pm

You should be doing whatever you would be doing on a Friday night.

Live your life for you.

Not what will get her back.

Not what will impress her.

What do you want to do with your Friday night? What do you want for you??

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