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How to disclose without really disclosing?

Open forum ... what's on your mind? Want to vent or lament about your Limerent/Love Object? This is the ideal place.
Pattihopeful
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Joined: Wed Oct 17, 2018 1:18 pm
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Re: How to disclose without really disclosing?

Post by Pattihopeful » Thu Oct 10, 2019 2:21 am

All good points. Even though I had free will, my therapist told me today that led me into disclosure and that was wrong of him given the power imbalance. Therapy is helping tremendously. I never thought I would admit feelings to another man other than SO. I agree it doesn't end it. It stopped a lot of our conversations but I have to fight this LE daily. I think much depends on the LO.

marko
Posts: 1497
Joined: Sun Feb 26, 2017 4:20 pm
United States of America

Re: How to disclose without really disclosing?

Post by marko » Fri Oct 11, 2019 5:41 pm

Bridget wrote:
Wed Oct 09, 2019 11:00 pm
marko wrote:
Wed Oct 09, 2019 5:14 pm
Wanting to disclose is just an attempt to keep this going. Perhaps an awkward end is needed, but even that ends nothing as long as the thoughts continue to toy with the LO and possible positive outcomes.
I lean toward this view as well. On the other hand, not disclosing can be a way to keep hope alive.

The reasoning that finally ended my intense desire to disclose was that it wouldn't be fair to my LO to tell him because he's married. I decided that a loving friend wouldn't do anything that might lead the other friend to feel dissatisfied in his marriage.

Notice the reverse-reverse psychology I used there? AS IF knowing that I had feelings for him would put LO in this terrible state of temptation that would make him unhappy. Yes, I have that power over men... :)) It's laughable, but it works for me!
No, I get the mental gymnastics here. I didn't want to disclose to my wife because I knew the only reason I did was so that she'd want to leave me.

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