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Catatonic State!

Open forum ... what's on your mind? Want to vent or lament about your Limerent/Love Object? This is the ideal place.
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opal1015
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Catatonic State!

Post by opal1015 » Mon Oct 07, 2019 1:35 am

So has anyone else existed in a catatonic state of Limerence or whatever this, all the while watching decades of marriage falling apart without hardly showing any emotions at all. How is that even possible? Can the hold of the LO be that strong? Is it all in our mind? Will it ever quit or will we be able to move on? Is it all about the thrill or the high or fix that we can’t get enough of? I’m almost to the point of losing everything! Husband is hanging on by a thread but it doesn’t stop me! I still hang on to the what if’s. What if today AP wants me again? Why am I allowing myself to be at his beck and call? Giving him the power over me? I feel as if I have no control. Like a freakin drug addict! Started counseling last week. I think even she is not sure our marriage can survive because of my lack of remorse or not wanting to stop! She’s also never heard of Limerence either. Do you think she can help me at all or is there any hope for someone so far gone? 😢

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Best
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Re: Catatonic State!

Post by Best » Mon Oct 07, 2019 2:25 am

There's always hope, Opal! You might need to see a different therapist -- one who specializes in attachment theory -- but just because a therapist hasn't heard of limerence doesn't mean that they aren't familiar with the concept by another name or that they can't help you. The fact that you have already taken steps to help yourself meant that you are on the right track. Keep it up and good luck!

JohnDeux
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Re: Catatonic State!

Post by JohnDeux » Mon Oct 07, 2019 2:29 am

Just my opinion as a member who recalls the 'catatonia of LE'.

Can't recall how much SO knows about your situation, but if you've been open with him about your state/feelings than that is a plus at this point. By all means show him this entry if you feel it would provided some help.

I'm cringing at the fact that your therapist (a) has not heard of limerence and (b) is using your lack of remorse as a measure of your commitment to your marriage. Just about anyone I know who has described full-blown limerence will attest to the what an enduring mind-f*&%$# it is and how it can be all-consuming......TEMPORARILY! Sure, there are those who will have been stuck for decades,....but in those cases I would wager those decades passed with little effort on the part of the LS to seek help or change their habit/patters vis-a-vis their LO. In many, perhaps most, cases, professional *knowledgeable* psychotherapeutic assistance, understanding on the part of those close to you,.....and TIME....will tend to turn the ship around in terms of your LE/obsession. If there is will on the part of both marriage partners, there usually is a way to repair the marriage.

Also, not all, but many find they need(ed) to embark on some deep soul-searching/radical honesty within themselves regarding their past relationships, possibly going back into childhood, that possibly set the stage for their limerence. Just my opinion, but I feel a great deal of the power of the LE....and the reason it is so difficult to combat....is due to the impact of these early relationships and how they formed hidden aspects of our psyche that are aching to stretch their legs (so to speak). An LE seems to be the stage cue for these 'shadow' parts in us to emerge, be validated and understood, and hopefully be healed. Just me, but I might be thinking about switching therapists....that of course is your call. Strength to you from one who's been 'through the ringer'.....
"Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain...."~ The Wizard of Oz

marko
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Re: Catatonic State!

Post by marko » Mon Oct 07, 2019 4:12 pm

Funny, today I felt like that. Head cold or really tired? Emotionally really numb for a few days. The LE can lie about everything. I was able to unravel lots of issues revolved around my lack of care over my 26 yr marriage. I have about a 2 year engagement with people. Then it disappears. I can through fantasy, for lack of a better word, "feel love" for that period. Kids come alongside and one gets so busy you can hop from place to place without dealing with the relationship vacancy. In LE like fashion each infatuated relationship floundered, never realizing the effects of this mental process not much more than a lie. It feels like love, so it must be. I see most of my endeavors not much more than the same thing. Unable to do "it" anymore, I certainly fall into this numb void more often. Then of course what of it is depression as it all is rather depressing and knowing what I know of myself--it doesn't create love or try to believe what has been fake as real.

Bridget
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Re: Catatonic State!

Post by Bridget » Mon Oct 07, 2019 11:25 pm

marko wrote:
Mon Oct 07, 2019 4:12 pm
Funny, today I felt like that. Head cold or really tired? Emotionally really numb for a few days. The LE can lie about everything. I was able to unravel lots of issues revolved around my lack of care over my 26 yr marriage. I have about a 2 year engagement with people. Then it disappears. I can through fantasy, for lack of a better word, "feel love" for that period. Kids come alongside and one gets so busy you can hop from place to place without dealing with the relationship vacancy. In LE like fashion each infatuated relationship floundered, never realizing the effects of this mental process not much more than a lie. It feels like love, so it must be. I see most of my endeavors not much more than the same thing. Unable to do "it" anymore, I certainly fall into this numb void more often. Then of course what of it is depression as it all is rather depressing and knowing what I know of myself--it doesn't create love or try to believe what has been fake as real.
Marko, can you come to appreciate yourself more? I don't mean imagining or hoping that your LO appreciates you more, but that you become more aware of your strengths, and even build on them, while accepting the faults as they are at least for now. This is the approach I've used to fill up the void where LO used to be.

marko
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Re: Catatonic State!

Post by marko » Tue Oct 08, 2019 2:44 pm

Bridget wrote:
Mon Oct 07, 2019 11:25 pm
marko wrote:
Mon Oct 07, 2019 4:12 pm
Funny, today I felt like that. Head cold or really tired? Emotionally really numb for a few days. The LE can lie about everything. I was able to unravel lots of issues revolved around my lack of care over my 26 yr marriage. I have about a 2 year engagement with people. Then it disappears. I can through fantasy, for lack of a better word, "feel love" for that period. Kids come alongside and one gets so busy you can hop from place to place without dealing with the relationship vacancy. In LE like fashion each infatuated relationship floundered, never realizing the effects of this mental process not much more than a lie. It feels like love, so it must be. I see most of my endeavors not much more than the same thing. Unable to do "it" anymore, I certainly fall into this numb void more often. Then of course what of it is depression as it all is rather depressing and knowing what I know of myself--it doesn't create love or try to believe what has been fake as real.
Marko, can you come to appreciate yourself more? I don't mean imagining or hoping that your LO appreciates you more, but that you become more aware of your strengths, and even build on them, while accepting the faults as they are at least for now. This is the approach I've used to fill up the void where LO used to be.
I appreciate that you would wish that upon me :) , but the track record is rather bleak. Pretending I was special only landed me here. The purpose of this journey is to come to the reckoning and just because I ran my life guided by mental illness isn't an opportunity to view it any other way. It is what it is. In this failure I became useful in working with physically and mentally challenged children and adults. It's low pay and there may be a handful of us men in the whole state who's life circumstances led us here. I pretended my way into all kinds of sales positions and promptly failed. I never realized that my anxiety was socially killing me. I also took all failure as opportunity and lived a pretty positive life. LE seemed like the next step to a better me--it all crashed down. I don't feel completely bad about this. Had I succeeded, I would have been a yuppie prick vs a humble servant. At 55 I become a product of decades of so many cranial pathways, I can't trust any lure out there. Taking my temperature on how I feel about me could be better, but a clear self image on my destructive abilities is really keeping me from launching into the next distraction. If you really think deeply on what this place represents. This thing is so destructive to self and others, and like a blind rat in a maze, we go past just just a bit and barely notice once the dust settles. I'm just going to wrestle there's for a bit. I also post in the hopes that others in this stage deal with all of it as well.

Bridget
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Re: Catatonic State!

Post by Bridget » Tue Oct 08, 2019 11:06 pm

I hear you... accepting who you are right now is a part of healing. But you talk about "pretending" you were special. That's not at all what I advocated.

Do what you have to do to fight the limberbeast, but I hope you recognize that a healthy self-image is one that allows you to see yourself clearly--the good and the bad--and leaves you room to grow no matter your age.

marko
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Re: Catatonic State!

Post by marko » Wed Oct 09, 2019 5:18 pm

Bridget wrote:
Tue Oct 08, 2019 11:06 pm
I hear you... accepting who you are right now is a part of healing. But you talk about "pretending" you were special. That's not at all what I advocated.

Do what you have to do to fight the limberbeast, but I hope you recognize that a healthy self-image is one that allows you to see yourself clearly--the good and the bad--and leaves you room to grow no matter your age.
What I think I mean is that I can't trust where my brain runs with positive thoughts. A gal just lingers with a gaze and I feel all good and the imagination runs for longer than it should for instance. I also stop self work when I think I'm better than I really am, and those needy moments prompt me to stay out of the illusion I like to jump to.

L-F
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Re: Catatonic State!

Post by L-F » Thu Oct 10, 2019 3:38 am

marko wrote:
Tue Oct 08, 2019 2:44 pm
Pretending I was special only landed me here. The purpose of this journey is to come to the reckoning and just because I ran my life guided by mental illness isn't an opportunity to view it any other way. It is what it is. In this failure I became useful in working with physically and mentally challenged children and adults. It's low pay and there may be a handful of us men in the whole state who's life circumstances led us here. I pretended my way into all kinds of sales positions and promptly failed. I never realized that my anxiety was socially killing me. I also took all failure as opportunity and lived a pretty positive life. LE seemed like the next step to a better me--it all crashed down. I don't feel completely bad about this. Had I succeeded, I would have been a yuppie prick vs a humble servant. At 55 I become a product of decades of so many cranial pathways, I can't trust any lure out there. Taking my temperature on how I feel about me could be better, but a clear self image on my destructive abilities is really keeping me from launching into the next distraction. If you really think deeply on what this place represents. This thing is so destructive to self and others, and like a blind rat in a maze, we go past just just a bit and barely notice once the dust settles. I'm just going to wrestle there's for a bit. I also post in the hopes that others in this stage deal with all of it as well.
I like this version of Marko! I like it a lot! Just as you are! Raw. Honest. And the best person to empathize and support physically and mentally challenged children and adults. This is your calling, you are their angel. Clipped wings is better than being a yuppie prick anyday!

I get sick, really sick of people saying they can empathize with others when they have noooo clue what it's like to be ____ (fill in the blank). But here. You don't have to pretend. Your awareness and understanding of self is enough to be that shining light for others. You don't need to change.
If only we'd sit with the void too... then perhaps we won't need to fill it once we get over the fear of its existence. L-F

marko
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Re: Catatonic State!

Post by marko » Fri Oct 11, 2019 5:35 pm

L-F wrote:
Thu Oct 10, 2019 3:38 am
marko wrote:
Tue Oct 08, 2019 2:44 pm
Pretending I was special only landed me here. The purpose of this journey is to come to the reckoning and just because I ran my life guided by mental illness isn't an opportunity to view it any other way. It is what it is. In this failure I became useful in working with physically and mentally challenged children and adults. It's low pay and there may be a handful of us men in the whole state who's life circumstances led us here. I pretended my way into all kinds of sales positions and promptly failed. I never realized that my anxiety was socially killing me. I also took all failure as opportunity and lived a pretty positive life. LE seemed like the next step to a better me--it all crashed down. I don't feel completely bad about this. Had I succeeded, I would have been a yuppie prick vs a humble servant. At 55 I become a product of decades of so many cranial pathways, I can't trust any lure out there. Taking my temperature on how I feel about me could be better, but a clear self image on my destructive abilities is really keeping me from launching into the next distraction. If you really think deeply on what this place represents. This thing is so destructive to self and others, and like a blind rat in a maze, we go past just just a bit and barely notice once the dust settles. I'm just going to wrestle there's for a bit. I also post in the hopes that others in this stage deal with all of it as well.
I like this version of Marko! I like it a lot! Just as you are! Raw. Honest. And the best person to empathize and support physically and mentally challenged children and adults. This is your calling, you are their angel. Clipped wings is better than being a yuppie prick anyday!

I get sick, really sick of people saying they can empathize with others when they have noooo clue what it's like to be ____ (fill in the blank). But here. You don't have to pretend. Your awareness and understanding of self is enough to be that shining light for others. You don't need to change.
Thanks for that, I feel many have a delusional goal where they will rejoin a perfect world where only perfect is normal. I get asked why "jonnie" isn't doing well in classes, learn how their world was rocked by a parents death or devastating divorce situations, and then think--this could destroy them forever. The experts say "This shouldn't effect them." Im thinking of all they ways it will effect them. They cut, they quit, they might even blow your mind in becoming limerent in an attempt to make it go away. I get it, anything is possible and their "issues" is where you begin. I get overwhelmed at times thinking, I'm not sure how to negotiate them away from their diversions when I could barely help myself.

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