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The Slow Burn of NC

A tough thing to do - the pros and cons
Constant123
Posts: 61
Joined: Tue Apr 09, 2019 5:08 am
Belize

Re: The Slow Burn of NC

Post by Constant123 » Fri Oct 11, 2019 7:47 pm

Wow- I can see why this is so hard for you!! Knowing she said all of that would make me confused as well. It’s too bad SO can’t have better boundaries around being in contact with LO. Not nice for you. I hope you have compassion for yourself. You have been through so much. Hope today is a better day!!

Bridget
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Joined: Sat Mar 09, 2019 2:18 am
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Re: The Slow Burn of NC

Post by Bridget » Sat Oct 12, 2019 4:10 am

Watchmaker wrote:
Fri Oct 11, 2019 3:41 am

SO was telling me that LO felt bad about having to put down such harsh boundaries for me, and felt bad when I was unraveling and crying. And that she just needed space for a while. So I guess I felt hope and optimism. But I also now can't help but wonder if SO is playing me, and telling me things I want to hear... or testing me to see if I'd reach out to LO. SO now has this proven and demonstrated beyond a shadow of a doubt history of behavior in bending the narrative, playing cards, withholding the truth, etc. It's hard for me not to wonder if I'm being lied to. But really, she's not at all the type to play me, or play anybody. But such mixed signals, even as the relationship star is rising between SO and LO. Who needs soap operas?!?

Here's to sanity and health!
Who has a stronger history of sending mixed signals, your LO or your SO?

Bridget
Posts: 196
Joined: Sat Mar 09, 2019 2:18 am
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Re: The Slow Burn of NC

Post by Bridget » Sat Oct 12, 2019 4:13 am

Bridget wrote:
Sat Oct 12, 2019 4:10 am
Watchmaker wrote:
Fri Oct 11, 2019 3:41 am

SO was telling me that LO felt bad about having to put down such harsh boundaries for me, and felt bad when I was unraveling and crying. And that she just needed space for a while. So I guess I felt hope and optimism. But I also now can't help but wonder if SO is playing me, and telling me things I want to hear... or testing me to see if I'd reach out to LO. SO now has this proven and demonstrated beyond a shadow of a doubt history of behavior in bending the narrative, playing cards, withholding the truth, etc. It's hard for me not to wonder if I'm being lied to. But really, she's not at all the type to play me, or play anybody. But such mixed signals, even as the relationship star is rising between SO and LO. Who needs soap operas?!?

Here's to sanity and health!
Who has a stronger history of sending mixed signals, your LO or your SO?
Also, it sounds like you're doing that LS thing where you hang on every word that comes out of LO's mouth (even if second hand) and analyze it for meaning. I could be wrong, but having done it so much, I'm overly familiar with that particular type of obsession.

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Watchmaker
Posts: 94
Joined: Fri Sep 13, 2019 3:43 am
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Re: The Slow Burn of NC

Post by Watchmaker » Mon Oct 14, 2019 6:02 pm

Well, I figured out LO blocked me on her phone. Probably since NC began I imagine. So the call and text 'history' likely won't even register on her side. Sooooo I emailed her instead. A short email (around 60 words). It reads like it's employing some fractionation, implanted commands, and push/pull. I guess I'm pulling out all the stops to see if I can get her to come out of the turtle shell.

I don't know. I vacillate between: either she loathes me... or she loathes herself... or is it both? Or afraid of feelings? Afraid of complicity and guilt. I'm gonna do another post to expound on these musings. A letter to the cloud, instead of LO.

The increase in comms/friendship between LO and SO seems to be continuing to increase. :((

I gotta find a way to (metaphorically) slap myself or shake myself outta this. Daydreaming still about writing letters, knocking at the door, approaching on the street.

The only thing that rivals my anxious attachment style is LO's avoidant attachment style!

I feel like either: I'm just crazy impatient and maybe it will eventually come around... OR... am I in denial that the friendship is lost/over, and hope I don't shoot myself in the foot and make it all worse. On the other hand, I just had a week from hell, and lately I've been feeling like, hey, what have I got to lose? Again, I still maintain that I don't want consummation or home-wrecking... I just want my old friend back. My friend that I love, and who I could tell anything, and I thought she loved me. She told me we're friends, and she thinks of me like a brother.

:|
M, 42
LO F, 36
LE began 5 years ago, or this year (not sure)
Disclosed to SO

"The watchmaker works all day and long into the night
He pieces things together, despite his failing sight"

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