• With some advice from forum veterans, I’m splitting this LONG story into 3 parts
• This is part 2
• Here is the link to part 1: http://limerence.net/forum/viewtopic.php?f=45&t=6128
• Here is the link to part 3: http://limerence.net/forum/viewtopic.php?f=45&t=6130
• And if interested, here is a link to my backstory, that led up to LE: http://limerence.net/forum/viewtopic.php?f=45&t=6138
• Please chime in with your wisdom, insights, observations, questions!
So here is this gorgeous sexy woman (my LO neig hbor), full of light and life, giving me lots of attention, affirmation, validation, friendship and plenty of flirtation (if there is such a thing)… at a time when I was hurting and hungry.
This LE was definitely on my side, it seems. In terms of whether there may be any reciprocity from LO attraction, emotional, or otherwise… I highly doubt it... maybe emotional… but they say it takes two to tango… Is it possible only 1 party is responsible for all the energy concerned? Not sure if maybe I have a blindspot concerning LO’s complicity because of the halo effect. And also, I think she may be an avoidant attachment type, whereas I am an anxious attachment type, which I wonder if that would be a classic incompatibility scenario.
But she was involved in ways like:
- Giving me a lot of attention in different ways, over 5 years
- Calling “heeeeey/hiiiii” from across the street a few times... she would have this very flirtatious inflection in her voice
- Standing/sitting close, sometimes a little body contact (subtle; not overt) leaning in to look at something on each other’s phones
- Sexual innuendo… cracking jokes, puns, texting silly GIFs of characters in underwear
- Direct sexual talk... she talked about vaginas and penises, sexual history, etc.
- She was once involved (with a few other neig hbors) with putting a pair of underwear on my car... elmer's glue was applied to the inside of the underwear.
- She had this body language and the way should would posture and hold herself sometimes… hard to explain… Again, nothing indictable that was clearly overt… A grey area, I guess you could say. One time I was following her into her house, and I swear she struck a pose with the slightest twerk of her ass, like she was posing for a split second?... Swear there was one time she was intentionally bending over and showing me her cleavage and down her shirt, etc… She would sit on the ground/floor a lot… times on the floor/ground where she would even lay down/lay out and you would swear it was communicating something sexual
- Texting: initiating threads, she would text me late at night, she would text me into the wee hours... epic threads... We have both texted each other while on family vacations (she once sent me a picture of herself in a light dress on the beach, holding her daughter, while on her family vacation). I texted her on my family vacation, and was also texting my LO while on my 20th anniversary vacation with my SO.
- Other picture texting (NOT racy, or sexting, but pics of each other with SO/family/kids).
- She confided in me, told me about her background, her fears, her FOO issues, secrets, personal life, SO’s issues and how she feels stuck and trapped in her verbally abusive marriage – some days wishes she could leave (what is an attracted guy to make of such personal things being intimated?).
- Asking each other to pray for this/pray for that.
- Shared a few cries.
- Get each other our favorite candy on birthdays.
Not sure if much or any of this would qualify as LO ‘leading me on’, but there have been times I was sure that it must have been indeed to some degree. And I never really came onto her (prior to disclosing my feelings for her this Sep). Maybe it’s that unspoken/unexpressed energy that builds up the tension and makes us pine and wonder?... the curiosity for reciprocity part of limerence.
It wasn’t until my SO shared about her 3rd affair that something SNAPPED for me this year. I’m not sure if I was already previously limerent, or if it finally just happened this year. Or did I simply enter into latter/peak stages of limerence? As David says in his introductory video, it is as if something has HIJACKED THE BRAIN. In my googling to find out what the hell was happening to me, I immediately identified with limerence and the INVOLUNTARY/INTRUSIVE aspects.
I’ve been in a crash course of reading this forum nonstop for almost a month, and so much resonates – it makes one feel just a little better knowing others share the plight – the struggle is real!
In Q2/Q3 this year, the LE just exploded, multiplied and snowballed. Specifically, the timeline of the continuing narrative below is now the last 4 weeks or so (late August till present).
THE STRUGGLE IS REAL
It was now more fully embracing my thoughts and feelings about LO. She would be on my mind more often. I would feel something just seeing her car pull up to park in the driveway. Seeing her in makeup and hair done, I’d gasp where her beauty just takes my breath away. Just seeing her silhouette would give me a rush…. Just hearing her voice or laughter was great.
I began frequent walking around the block – partly because I was processing the pain of the struggles in my marriage, but also sometimes hoping I might see LO. There was a time where when my phone would ring or make the text alert sound, I would always wonder/hope it was her.
Then I REALLY got triggered with the news that LO and her family were selling their house and moving away.
The limerbrain kicked into an even higher gear. I continued to try to find ways to have some face time, to text or talk/have comms, catching her around the neig hborhood. But my timing was so damn bad, with so much of her time and energy being consumed by being in crunch time for packing up her house and moving. In the recent weeks, when I did get to speak with her, it was extremely awkward, as I would get choked up in her presence, with pre-ugly-cry face.
In recently discovering about limerence from much Googling and Youtubing, I suddenly realized that I was now faced with the prospect of losing my favorite friend, who, in effect (in a manner of speaking) was like a 'source of dopamine'… Or it becoming severely limited as opposed to daily neig hborhood proximity (my office desk/window directly faces LO’s house, and I see their every waking movement). Them moving started to feel a bit like I was going to go through a 'withdrawal' of sorts.
I was now really beginning to feel the weight of all the various mental stressors and emotions in my life.
I was in and out of tears and crying spells. I stopped eating and losing weight (maybe down to 1 meal a day max). I took walks (probably hours and miles worth in a day, so much so that I developed a foot pain problem). I began to sob like a little girl… sitting at my desk at work (I work from home). 10-15 minutes straight at a time: weeping, slobbering, drooling, gut-wrenching travail. I got so consumed with thoughts and emotions that it was impacting things.
LO began ghosting me and shutting me out, which was EXTREMELY hurtful and painful to me. I was pinging her to try to connect for a call or in person. Her text replies began to be one word “thanks”… or the thumbs up icon…. or no reply at all. Finally, she said texted saying she doesn’t have time and is stressed and needs her space and doesn’t have time to hang with everyone like she used to.
Only she was hanging and talking with Every. Single. Other. Neig hbor. in our crew/circle of friends… except for me. Ouch!
I finally caught her on the sidewalk one day and she was open enough to talk for a few. I got to ask her about things, and she said I was getting over-protective. She is NOT a confronter. And she said her SO said she shouldn’t say anything to me, but instead keep the peace. But she told me anyways – telling of how crazy life's been lately for her. She also took asserted that she’s thought of me as a brother, and how we’re ALL friends in the neig hborhood. I told her sorry, and how I was very fond of her, and how I got triggered by them moving thinking I’d lose another friend. “You’re cool, it’s fine” she said. I asked her if I can still text or call, or if she wanted NC. She said it’s ok. She gave me a (seemingly) friendly fist bump (or was it a weirded out fist bump?).
(stay tuned for part 3 of this story)