• With some advice from forum veterans, I’m splitting this LONG story into 3 parts
• Please chime in with your wisdom, insights, observations, questions!
• This is part 1
• Here is the link to part 2: viewtopic.php?f=45&t=6129
• Here is the link to part 3: viewtopic.php?f=45&t=6130
SMITTEN AT FIRST SIGHT
To this day, I tell myself it must have been a ‘love at first sight’ kinda thing when I met my neighbor 5 years ago. At some point in time, she became my LO (first I’ve had, I reckon). I’m pretty sure, I was smitten from the beginning. I was immediately attracted to her (body, mind and soul). In the months and years that followed, what I experienced and felt for/with her couldn’t hold a candle to any other ‘crushes’ or ‘infatuations’ I may have had before – all of which were mere child’s play compared to this.
I am not in the majority where it is said that males don’t often have as much sexuality in LE and it’s more about the emotional side, etc… I have always had very strong physical/sexual attraction, and then over time also developed the emotional ‘investment’ in LO (if that is the right word… maybe ultimately attachment). I was also drawn to her: personality, intellect, sense of humor, value system, good Christian wife and mother, and so on.
Our neighbor/friend relationship graduated to friend/friend (or so I always thought). Frequent texts, periodic smoke breaks in the driveway (we both work from home), and occasional phone calls. Communal socializing w/ other neighbors, cookouts, kids playing together, birthday party outings and more.
My SO also had/has some neighborly friendship with my LO as well. They text each other,chit-chat, pray for each other… My SO went to my LO’s most recent baby shower.
The attraction to LO only grew over the years. I’d make excuses to connect; sometimes ‘engineering’ run-ins and comms, finagling proximity to LO by chatting with her SO. But back then, it wasn’t all-consuming and daily like it is now. Some evenings I’d work in the garage, just hoping for a glimpse of her across the street… maybe even a discussion. We’d connect via text a lot, but also a lot of driveway talks and a few phone calls.
I remember one night talking in her driveway – meaningless chit chat and mischief, cracking jokes and laughing together. I was lit from the attention and exchange… Being around her was so exhilarating, I remember my heart literally racing and feeling such attraction to her. I was really developing feelings for her. This was several years back, but in hindsight I think it was the dopamine effect already hitting me, though not sure if LE yet?...
LO and I continued to grow closer to the point that we began confiding in each other, sharing secrets, sharing a cry and/or other moments with emotional currents.
I guess I’m not sure if I was limerent yet back then (at least I don’t think so… maybe Stage 1 as taught by Dr. Joe Beam??). I think PIOO preceded PILO. Or does it work the other way too?
She. Is. So. Sexy. LE influence or not, I do declare: I have NEVER seen or known anyone so sexy. Her body language, posture, voice inflection, tight clothes and makeup. Her hair is unbelievable. Takes my breath away. And a ghetto booty badonkadonk that is trending towards the Kim Kardashian end of the spectrum. That behind is a HUGE part of my kryptonite. Sometimes, being in her presence would elicit certain… responses from me. Under LE influence, she (to me) is the most beautiful and sexy woman I have ever seen or known… Helen of Troy, or Marilyn Monroe, you name it. I increasingly had the hots for her.
Nothing ‘physical’ between LO and me ‘really’ ever ‘happened’.
Although, there was that one time where we had this laser light meat thermometer, and we were flitting between the houses around the neighborhood, messing with neighbors by shining the laser light into their windows, and giggling.
I was behind LO, and her in front of me, and she stepped backwards, unwittingly brushing up against my package. It was just a second or two, but felt a lot longer. Sad confession from the inner child: this was like something a teenager would dream about, but somehow I felt like it was one of the great moments of my life… Like I said: kinda sad and pitiful. It wasn’t acknowledged by either of us, but I KNOW we both felt something (whether electricity or weirded out)… I felt the electricity… when we came back around to where the other neighbs were hanging out who we’d strayed off from, she was a bit speechless for a minute, flustered and likely blushed.
But no PA history between us.
However, I was definitely having physical attraction deluxe, and horniness and fantasy, etc. To this day, I’m fairly certain this attraction was only on my side. Although no PA, there was definitely EA on my side - hardcore. But again, even with the emotional side of things, I’m not ENTIRELY sure about her side… but I really feel this is one-sided, and mostly all in my head (sick, ill limerbrain). I doubt there was ever much reciprocity.
THE PERFECT STORM FOR A MIDLIFE CRISIS
I believe that a full-on manifestation of LE (or at least latter, deeper peak stages of LE) was kept at bay due to other checks and balances of life. But then came a perfect storm of circumstances that led to me completely freaking out, and I totally lost it this year. The elements of the perfect storm included:
- A “Dopamine Famine” – this catchphrase should be a whole other separate post of mine some time, but suffice to say: I very suddenly lost A LOT of sources of pleasure, validation, affirmation, support
- Friendship Attrition – many friendships ended or diminished (deaths, divorces, moves)
- SO Multiple Affairs – I don’t THINK my SO is/was ever limerent that I know of. But she has been disclosing another new affair every few years… she’s had 3 guys over the last 6 years or so (2 PA’s, and 1 EA). So far as I know, they were successive, and not simultaneous.
With this perfect storm, it’s easy to see how vulnerable and susceptible I was/am to limerence. LE erupted into the stratosphere, as I realized that I was addicted to my LO, and she was my feel-good drug filling the vacuum at a time I was in a dopamine famine… LO’s friendship also came along precisely in the seasons of my life where I was losing a lot of friends… and LO gave me so many of the things SO could not/would not/cannot.
With the trauma multiple SO affairs being confessed to me (and other deep seeded mounting issues), I kinda found myself in full-blown midlife crisis mode, questioning everything this year. And with that, I think where things were previously somewhat kept at bay with LO, I now found myself with an attitude to cast my fate to the wind, as it were… or at least I adopted more of a ‘devil-may-care’ attitude, and I think in my heart and mind I dove in or dug in moreso concerning LO – allowing myself to more fully embrace my feelings and desires, after having felt so repeatedly hurt by SO.
(stay tuned for parts 2 and 3 of this story)