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- Joined: Mon Feb 24, 2014 11:42 pm
I do feel that AMs **may** have an advantage, but only if some cultural or marital notions are accepted or accounted for. I do not feel that AMs in Western culture *generally* would work because Western culture by nature is often very individualistic and non-communal. But I can think of some cultures where having strong communal ties were more important than marital ties: In these cases, I feel AMs might actually work very well since focus not only in helping others, but also in getting self-satisfaction in one's own life, might take some pressure off of the marriage. Again, just my probably warped view, but much of what many seek in marriage is something NOT gotten in childhood,......and then problems will likely arise because childhood wants are being projected into one's adult pair-bond relationship. So maybe as I'm writing this, once again the conclusion being reached is that emerging from childhood with an internal feeling of security and healthy self-love or self-worth would make less relevant whether or not one was in an AM or LM----there would be a better ability to find satisfaction that still retained the marriage contract....if that is the desired focus.
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- Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
I've always taken my hat off to those in arranged marriages because statistically, they have a better chance of survival.
But, when reflecting upon my marriage, I'd say it started as a love-marriage and has ended in an arranged marriage, which is perfect for me! This means we were limerent which burnt out over time, and we have now stepped into a companionate-love built on mutual respect, trust and kindnesses. It is within this that we are finding ourselves falling in love again.
That craving drives our worst behavior." Jodi Picoult
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- Joined: Sat Mar 09, 2019 2:18 am
- Posts: 593
- Joined: Wed Sep 13, 2017 4:49 pm
Part of my problem is straddling two diametrically opposite cultures. If it weren't for the English language my native culture has almost nothing in common with Western culture(food,clothing,religion,attitudes toward sports and academics). In my native culture only recently has the concept of dating and pre-marital sex come into existence in any significant way. In other Asian cultures although English may not be common they do have dating in their societies in general.
LO- married 48,work colleagues
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