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Sonny
Posts: 13
Joined: Thu Sep 12, 2019 1:13 am
Gender:
Canada

Hello new here

Post by Sonny » Thu Sep 12, 2019 2:18 am

Just came across this forum hoping to find some help/info and contribute in here.I've struggled with limerence unknowingly at times in the past not knowing it.Always thought it was my OCD (pure O rumination)...Just reading through the forums as of now but will try to post my current situation at some point...

I will say I have had a great deal of success getting better at limiting my limerence from years ago...This time and one other time that it has been extremely bad was "being played" by a woman who had their own agenda...I take responsibility for letting it happen all I can say is becoming limerent with someone deceiptful and dishonest (narssistic) is a baaaaad combination.

In the early stages of meeting someone I can walk away with no problem or if they are clearly not interested...It's when I meet a woman extremely good looking and after someone getting to know them they say they want to date when they aren't...Maybe they're bored,need help with something,etc...At some point it's like a switch goes off and even though my instincts know I'm being played for a fool I can't seem to walk away.

That high from getting a text or call from that person is addictive and if I attempt to walk away I always end up crawling back or apologizing even though I've the one being treated like crap...My own fault but by this point I'm at wits end.

Depression runs in my family and my OCD ruminating is brutal when it flares up (about anything I can't figure out or something bothering me).....Was diagnosed in 1996 and have gotten better over time dealing with it figuring out what work for me...My current problem with limerence combined with the ruminating of my current situation has me at wits end...Going on 5 months of anxitey thinking about my LO good and bad...One day resenting her for what she's done(in small claims court at the moment) and the next day wishing I could start over with her again which makes absolutely no sense...Anyway that's a bit about me...Hope everyone here finds the light at the end of the tunnel because limerence sucks bigtime.

Helpmeplease
Posts: 652
Joined: Thu Sep 06, 2018 12:25 pm
Great Britain

Re: Hello new here

Post by Helpmeplease » Fri Sep 13, 2019 6:00 pm

Hi Sonny

Welcome and thanks for sharing

Some great bits in your story - awareness and success at limiting limerence, amazing

It's painful and hard and I totally get the O bit of OCD, being treated differently to how you want to be treated and continuing

You mention small claims court , has it turned nasty?

Yep certainly sucks big time :(

Sonny
Posts: 13
Joined: Thu Sep 12, 2019 1:13 am
Gender:
Canada

Re: Hello new here

Post by Sonny » Fri Sep 13, 2019 7:57 pm

Helpmeplease wrote:
Fri Sep 13, 2019 6:00 pm
Hi Sonny

Welcome and thanks for sharing

Some great bits in your story - awareness and success at limiting limerence, amazing

It's painful and hard and I totally get the O bit of OCD, being treated differently to how you want to be treated and continuing

You mention small claims court , has it turned nasty?

Yep certainly sucks big time :(
Yes it got nasty on her part...She was in a bad spot financially.Single with 3 kids,1 being special needs and she wasn't making ends meet at work(exotic dancer)...She asked for help financially 3 times.The first time was gonna pay me back in 6 weeks,the other 2 times no time frame was set as she still wasn't making any money...I have all the texts/emails of her asking for help saying I'm the only one in her life that is there for her etc.I also saved all the receipts when depositing money into her account which she didn't know..I was reluctant to help her the 3rd time and told her,wasn't until she called me at work crying on the phone about how she was going to lose everything that I couldn't say no...

Less than 2 weeks later she goes nuclear on me turning things around saying I caused her to break down and have been using finances to keep her under my thumb and says if I contact again she will call police.

I even offered to work something out financially that would work for her as far as repayment and she basically told me to FO it was a gift and she owes me nothing...I'm guessing the fact she knew I wasn't going to loan her any more $$$ and the fact she is back with her former BF (close friend of mine told me) the call police thing was to get out of repaying the loans and also her BF is likely oblivious to the fact I loaned her money so me contacting her would cause issues.

She owes me a good bit of money...Yes I had hoped to get to know her better and made my intentions perfectly clear...Actually told her I got the feeling she wasn't interested in hanging out 2 months in and was walking away from the situation on good terms.She called crying how I was just going to walk out of her life...Wish I would have just kept walking as I was not limerent at the time and wouldn't be in the mess I'm in now smh...Like I said if things are clear from the get go I can walk away without much trouble...I don't deal with uncertainty well and she would never give me a straight answer or had an excuse which I believed as she does have alot on her plate and is busy.

I haven't talked to her since that day she went crazy other than to serve her papers for court...She was a no show at the first court date so now have to go back...I also lent her some books to help cheer her up as she was not in a good place mentally with the stress of everything...I thought I was helping her get her life turned around in alot of ways but in reality I was played for a fool...My fault for letting it happen by by the time I knew I should walk away (there were signs) I simply couldn't due to limerence.

There is more details to the story but that's it in a nutshell...And just to be clear this isn't the first person I've went out on a limb for...I have a buddy with severe PTSD that was in a world of hurt financially who owes me about as much as her...The difference is he is slowly working at paying it off and I have no doubt he will at some point...My deal with him was a handshake deal as well...I like to think of myself as a genuine,honest guy...Unfortunately I've made some bad choices in women when the redflags were clear and I have no one to blame but myself...I really need to be smarter about who I pursue from the get go.

I'm kicking my azz because I let this happen but also because I do miss talking to her even after all the grief she has caused me...I struggle when getting into arguments with anyone and wish we could have parted on better terms...I do not deal with someone being upset with me and usually end up apologizing when I'm the one who has been wronged...I just can't stop thinking about her being upset with me and wish I could sit down and explain my side and listen to hers even though it would be a waste of time...I really don't want to talk to her or trust her but at the same time would
if that makes any sense...Sorry for the long winded post...Been no contact for 5 months and struggling...Not sure how much is my anxiety and OCD and how much is limerence but I do know depression has been setting in this week because of it.Thanks for the reply.

Bridget
Posts: 270
Joined: Sat Mar 09, 2019 2:18 am
Gender:
United States of America

Re: Hello new here

Post by Bridget » Sat Sep 14, 2019 4:26 am

Hi Sonny, and welcome. Three months NC is pretty impressive; good for you! It's normal to still want to contact your LO sometimes even when you know it's a bad idea. And even still, you can remain NC.

What are you doing to better understand why get in relationships with women you suspect want to use you? Are you doing anything to fill the empty space where your LO use to be?

You do sound like a very good person. I hope you treat yourself better and understand you deserve a woman who really cares about you.

Spinnaker
Posts: 2344
Joined: Mon Oct 10, 2016 7:25 am
Gender:
Age: 52
United States of America

Re: Hello new here

Post by Spinnaker » Sat Sep 14, 2019 5:27 am

.
“We are tied in a single garment of destiny. What affects one directly affects everyone indirectly”.
Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

Sonny
Posts: 13
Joined: Thu Sep 12, 2019 1:13 am
Gender:
Canada

Re: Hello new here

Post by Sonny » Thu Oct 03, 2019 8:46 pm

Just an update...Been about 5 months NC and things seem to be getting better...Had 2nd settlement conference and looks like going to trial...She actually tried contacting me a couple days before(not sure what about but likely to whine about her situation)...I simply didn't answer and although made me anxious I resisted the urge to call back.Partly because I really don't want to talk to her and 2nd I no longer trust her and don't want any of her games to hurt my case in court...I still think about her too much but the reality has been outweighing the limerence to talk to her realizing I was being lied to and used...I take responsibility for getting too attached to someone that was all wrong for me,maybe stopping contact so negatively has been a blessing in my case...

Only reason I hope to talk to her now would be if my case goes in my favor,I'm sure she'll try to contact me and I can calmly tell her what she did was wrong and I gave her the opportunity to settle things like adults and go our seperate ways...It would have been difficult but had she been honest from the start I honestly don't think I'd have become limerent in the first place.

Bridget
Posts: 270
Joined: Sat Mar 09, 2019 2:18 am
Gender:
United States of America

Re: Hello new here

Post by Bridget » Fri Oct 04, 2019 1:13 am

Congratulations for maintaining NC, Sonny! That is truly an accomplishment!!!

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