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To text or not

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Sonny
Posts: 6
Joined: Thu Sep 12, 2019 1:13 am
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Canada

Re: To text or not

Post by Sonny » Fri Sep 13, 2019 3:04 pm

Celestialbody wrote:
Wed Sep 11, 2019 10:21 pm
Here's my rule. If I text someone two times on their birthday, and they never reciprocate, that means that they don't care about me and/or don't care about birthdays. I texted my LO for his birthday every year for years, and he never cared enough to acknowledge my birthday, not even once, by text or otherwise. This year I won't be texting him. I don't care if he thinks it's deliberate. He's an arsehole.

The same goes for text messaging. If I initiate two texts, and don't get a reply twice, I won't ever text again. If I am the only one ever initiating texts, I will stop texting. Along the same lines, if I get one or two word cold replies, I will also stop texting.

Relationships are about give and take. If you're always giving and never receiving, it's time to acknowledge that reality and move on with your life. You don't want to burden someone because you have a mental problem (which limerence is).

In your case, my advice is don't text.
Awesome rules in general...Gonna use this a my rule as well from now on...Thankyou :)

Pattihopeful
Posts: 588
Joined: Wed Oct 17, 2018 1:18 pm
Gender:
United States of America

Re: To text or not

Post by Pattihopeful » Fri Sep 13, 2019 3:49 pm

I think those rules should be made into a sticky note on here! Thanks CB.

marko
Posts: 1460
Joined: Sun Feb 26, 2017 4:20 pm
United States of America

Re: To text or not

Post by marko » Fri Sep 13, 2019 5:47 pm

My Lo's birthday just passed, I made it and wonder if I should have. The real debate in your mind should focus on the energy you still devote to nothing. The means of it are just symptoms. So text or not, it's the thought that you debate is the beginning of the issue--and perhaps it never goes away. I don't remember my 30yr ago LO, so it will be forgotten.

Idiotic
Posts: 1734
Joined: Sun Sep 03, 2017 7:58 am

Re: To text or not

Post by Idiotic » Fri Sep 13, 2019 6:18 pm

Cookie wrote:
Fri Sep 13, 2019 2:00 pm
Idiotic wrote:
Fri Sep 13, 2019 1:54 pm
She becomes chatty when she feels like, and checks out without any notice when she feels like. I was cool with it before, but now Im beginning to expect some common decency in all my relationships.
As you should.

The conclusion I drew is that LO is not even acquaintance material. He kind of begged me to "stay friends" with him. Why? Not because he cares about or is interested in me -- it's all so he doesn't feel like a user/failure/bad person. All ego-driven BS. Nothing to do with me at all.
Wow, well at least they aspire to be guilt free, this woman I'm talking about, I think she doesn't even realize she takes our conversations for granted. It's like she's oblivious to bein an a*hole.
I keep dancing on my own - Robyn

Idiotic
Posts: 1734
Joined: Sun Sep 03, 2017 7:58 am

Re: To text or not

Post by Idiotic » Fri Sep 13, 2019 6:19 pm

marko wrote:
Fri Sep 13, 2019 5:47 pm
The real debate in your mind should focus on the energy you still devote to nothing.
Absolutely right. This time I devoted five to fifteen minutes after. And one or two minutes the following day.
Hoping it'll be a passing thought the next year.
I keep dancing on my own - Robyn

Idiotic
Posts: 1734
Joined: Sun Sep 03, 2017 7:58 am

Re: To text or not

Post by Idiotic » Fri Sep 13, 2019 6:20 pm

Pattihopeful wrote:
Fri Sep 13, 2019 3:49 pm
I think those rules should be made into a sticky note on here! Thanks CB.
Seconded
I keep dancing on my own - Robyn

Cookie
Posts: 703
Joined: Wed Sep 27, 2017 4:08 pm
United States of America

Re: To text or not

Post by Cookie » Fri Sep 13, 2019 11:02 pm

Idiotic wrote:
Fri Sep 13, 2019 6:18 pm
Cookie wrote:
Fri Sep 13, 2019 2:00 pm
Idiotic wrote:
Fri Sep 13, 2019 1:54 pm
She becomes chatty when she feels like, and checks out without any notice when she feels like. I was cool with it before, but now Im beginning to expect some common decency in all my relationships.
As you should.

The conclusion I drew is that LO is not even acquaintance material. He kind of begged me to "stay friends" with him. Why? Not because he cares about or is interested in me -- it's all so he doesn't feel like a user/failure/bad person. All ego-driven BS. Nothing to do with me at all.
Wow, well at least they aspire to be guilt free, this woman I'm talking about, I think she doesn't even realize she takes our conversations for granted. It's like she's oblivious to bein an a*hole.
I constantly waffle between "are they just aloof" and "are they withholding on purpose"?

In the end, it doesn't really matter: they are not present in your life and never will be.

So it really IS up to you to decide how long you wan to chase windmills.
Person

Bridget
Posts: 92
Joined: Sat Mar 09, 2019 2:18 am
Gender:
United States of America

Re: To text or not

Post by Bridget » Sat Sep 14, 2019 3:40 am

Way to go for not texting!

I'm to the point where not texting feels better than texting. While the LE is completely onesided and LO has no fault, there is a part of me that gets a kick out of imagining his surprise when I DON'T reach out.

Idiotic
Posts: 1734
Joined: Sun Sep 03, 2017 7:58 am

Re: To text or not

Post by Idiotic » Sun Sep 15, 2019 9:21 am

Cookie wrote:
Fri Sep 13, 2019 11:02 pm
they are not present in your life and never will be.
So hard though isn't it, and flipped version, they don't care if you are present in their life.
I find irony in a lot of things and this is one of the things the irony hits me hard. That there are people who try to be present in your life , that you don't care whether or not they are there, and you want to be part of someone else's life who doesn't want you. It's like a Karmic cycle or whatever. Of course there more people on this side of the scale , whom I feel 'deprived of', just a couple on the other .
When im sad about the number of people whose lives I'm not a part of , but want to be, I think of the people I keep on the margins, not out of meanness , just ... something .. I don't understand. Thinking about it at least makes me kinder to people who want my attention, even if I'm feeling less inclined to engage with them.
I keep dancing on my own - Robyn

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