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The Cycle Of An On-Again, Off-Again Relationship

For some, limerence isn't about suffering. For others, they do not see limerence as akin to an addiction. Others do not see limerence as originating in childhood from poor parenting and dysfunctional attachments.

Here is a place to share different beliefs as well as share your own POV.
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NoDayDreaming
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The Cycle Of An On-Again, Off-Again Relationship

Post by NoDayDreaming » Thu Aug 15, 2019 8:55 pm

i noticed that limerence-like phenomena are described under different terms in popular psychology.
this caught my eye while i searched for something else:
One of the most exhausting relationships you can ever be in is a never ending on-again and off-again relationship. Otherwise known as a yo-yo relationship, the situation usually consists of one indecisive person that's sometimes in and sometimes out, when it comes to commitment. It's that one relationship that never feels like it's completely done because you somehow always find a way to come back together, even if it's for a short period of time. On-again, off-again relationships happen all the time, and experts say there's a psychology behind why these types of relationships are hard to quit.

"We stay in push-pull, on-off, good-bad relationships primarily due to a behavioral dynamic called intermittent reinforcement," psychotherapist, Karen R. Koenig, M.Ed., LCSW, tells Bustle.

According to Koenig, this process occurs when we sometimes get a reward and sometimes don’t. "We stay in or return to relationships hoping that we’ll get the reward (i.e. the good behavior) and not the pain (i.e. the bad behavior). In fact, intermittent reinforcement is as strong as ongoing positive reinforcement because it is based on the hope of receiving pleasure."

Basically, if someone is nice to us one day and not so nice the next, we tend to stay right where we are because we hope they'll continue to treat us well. That being said, being in an on-again, off-again relationship might not leave you better off, especially if you're hoping that a long-term, committed relationship will come out of it. So if you're stuck in the endless on-again, off-again cycle of a yo-yo relationship, here are ways experts say you can finally break out.
https://www.bustle.com/p/how-to-break-t ... ts-8609032

i believe this is common in LE. one of my LEs had a strong component of that behavior from the LO. this one was a hell to get free.
i guess gambling addiction works like that too.

Re: the ways to resolve it, sounds like it would be helpful in LE too.
I'm limerence free and I'm not afraid of it anymore. I learn something new about myself and life everyday. There is hope and so much more. NC works. Be free, be happy! In retrospect, LE was about the best thing that has happened in my life.

Pattihopeful
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Re: The Cycle Of An On-Again, Off-Again Relationship

Post by Pattihopeful » Thu Aug 15, 2019 9:21 pm

This is great! Thank you DD. I see parallels.

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