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Is Disclosure a desire to consumate?

Does disclosure to our Limerent/Love Object help?
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David
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Is Disclosure a desire to consumate?

Post by David » Thu Aug 15, 2019 2:14 pm

I was reading an old paper I wrote for my theopray training where I talked of the desire to disclose. My tutor was of the view this was a desire to consummate the relationship. At the time I could not see that. I am now of the same opinion
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Idiotic
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Re: Is Disclosure a desire to consumate?

Post by Idiotic » Thu Aug 15, 2019 2:45 pm

Yes..in a way it is a sublimation of it I think.
I keep dancing on my own - Robyn

mamasita
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Re: Is Disclosure a desire to consumate?

Post by mamasita » Thu Aug 15, 2019 2:54 pm

This is the pretty much the only thing about limerence for me that has ALWAYS been abundantly clear: I disclosed out of a desire to consummate the relationship.
Over and over again for 1.5 years until I dragged my dignity back, limping and broken. :))
I regret disclosure because of how Patti put it so well in another thread. Now that it's "out there" it LO's to do with whatever. And my limerence blinded me to the fact that LO has no reason or loyalty to me. He doesn't have to keep my propositions private. I gave over my power and won't do it again. It was never his job to calm my attachment wounds even though that's what I was seeking.

daydreamer
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Re: Is Disclosure a desire to consumate?

Post by daydreamer » Thu Aug 15, 2019 3:56 pm

in my case, no x many times.
i disclosed repeatedly for the sake of openness and honesty in both LEs. the very last disclosure (how far i lost my mind about her, and i was nearly psychotic then) was actually hoping that she would panic, give me rejection, and do NC (they call it nuclear option here?), because i could not do it myself. it worked like a charm, BTW.
YMMV
I'm limerence free and I'm not afraid of it anymore. I learn something new about myself and life everyday. There is hope and so much more. NC works. Be free, be happy! In retrospect, the LE was about the best thing that happened in my life.

peter.rabbit
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Re: Is Disclosure a desire to consumate?

Post by peter.rabbit » Thu Aug 15, 2019 4:16 pm

Yes, consummation is a good way to put it. Intellectually I know in my LE that such is just not in the works. But, my "intellectual me" is not yet in control...
Married.
In LE with married LO :-\
I need to just keep internalizing these thoughts .." she doesn't give a shit about u , these are her normal behaviour and don't think u are any different "

Hopeless Lomantic
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Re: Is Disclosure a desire to consumate?

Post by Hopeless Lomantic » Thu Aug 15, 2019 4:35 pm

Sounds about right.. it essentially a final attempt at giving a shot on the possibility of a rs..

Sad to say, one often end up in nothing but disappointment after disclosure..

A gentle let down will still give u a sense of lingering hope .. LE will still be there

A firm let down will cause yourself misery and embarrassment and most likely it signifies the end of any friendship as it will be awkward from here on...

A reciprocation from LO will give you a climax but statistically, it will not end up well if one or both you are already In a committed relationship.. all the uncertainties and guilt will set in..

Can't think of any other good outcome that disclosure will bring..

Maddie
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Re: Is Disclosure a desire to consumate?

Post by Maddie » Thu Aug 15, 2019 6:45 pm

Being honest, for me....yes, in part . (Didn't entirely recognise it then) I also felt that I just had to find out what was going on with all this weird behavior between he and I . It probably was part of the" high" of the illness too, to be able to disclose and to hear that he felt the same way. Back then I would say that I wanted to disclose hoping for rejection to end limerence.
Selfishness on my part, I do realize that. I'm regretting every thing related to him, and my behavior. It was wrong.
39, F
LO, 50 , M
Mental health is an ongoing commitment to reality at all costs-- (M Scott Peck)

Angel
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Re: Is Disclosure a desire to consumate?

Post by Angel » Thu Aug 15, 2019 6:52 pm

I know for myself, it was never about a physical consummation, but a deeper emotional connection.

Maybe it’s different for everyone, depending on the hole or wound(s) you are trying to fill/heal.

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Re: Is Disclosure a desire to consumate?

Post by Angel » Thu Aug 15, 2019 6:54 pm

Maddie wrote:
Thu Aug 15, 2019 6:45 pm
Selfishness on my part, I do realize that. I'm regretting every thing related to him, and my behavior. It was wrong.
That is part of all of this isn’t? For me it was all about selfishness, wanting that ego boost, and to have the feeling of having someone besides my SO adore and admire me. For someone who has always struggled with low self-esteem, what a high that was!

Pattihopeful
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Re: Is Disclosure a desire to consumate?

Post by Pattihopeful » Thu Aug 15, 2019 7:32 pm

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Last edited by Pattihopeful on Fri Aug 16, 2019 6:19 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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