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I'd like to have "that talk" with LO but...

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peter.rabbit
Posts: 109
Joined: Wed Jul 24, 2019 12:27 am
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Age: 67
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I'd like to have "that talk" with LO but...

Post by peter.rabbit » Thu Aug 15, 2019 12:24 am

I'd like to have "that talk" with LO but I feel it would all go badly, and be our LAST talk. The unknown is of course the big scary issue, the "that talk" talk I refer to would be about feelings, clearing the air so to speak. I guess that in essence it would be a disclosure talk which in my mind is a bit like handling a hand grenade with the pin pulled out. Settling matters, while at the same time really shaking up the whole relationship. For better or for worse, we do have a relationship, albeit one lopsided in one direction, with me being on the losing end, I feel.

My hope for outcome: she saying "you are my friend".

My fear: she becoming freaked out and repulsed, rejecting me and thinking I'm some sort of perv creep.

I'm not doing anything right now, tomorrow(and Friday) when I see her, I'll smile, maybe wave but keep my distance and not initiate conversation.

I'm making a counseling appointment, I can't take much more of this. For a couple weeks, things were great, I felt positive...last couple days I feel quite anxious, nothing really happened though, just me overthinking everything as usual.
Married.
In LE with married LO :-\
I need to just keep internalizing these thoughts .." she doesn't give a shit about u , these are her normal behaviour and don't think u are any different "

Pattihopeful
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Re: I'd like to have "that talk" with LO but...

Post by Pattihopeful » Thu Aug 15, 2019 12:08 pm

As someone who has just been through this, my disclosure has some positives: I learned a lot about LO; rejection is painful but starts lifting the fog; one time might not be enough and to get a rejection that sinks in, you may have to talk more than once (sorry this is really a negative just don't know how to move it); it put the brakes on something that was spiraling out of control. No more personal chit chats;

Negative: It's out there; I have no control over who he tells or what he does with this; It forever changed our relationship; I crossed a line I never wanted to cross in my marriage and will probably need to tell SO someday; The pain of rejection; LO can't help me with this; I might have to give up a job I love; The fear he could report me; I built his ego; I hear his rejection and other negative he said a lot in my mind; You can never undo it.; There are still tons of unanswered questions and no real closure.

Sit with this a long time before you do it and don't take it lightly.

peter.rabbit
Posts: 109
Joined: Wed Jul 24, 2019 12:27 am
Gender:
Age: 67
United States of America

Re: I'd like to have "that talk" with LO but...

Post by peter.rabbit » Thu Aug 15, 2019 4:22 pm

Thanks PH, sorry to hear of your work related worries, might not be as dire as imagined.

Oh definitely, I will surely keep my mouth shut, because I do know how it will all play out, I'm just not that lucky to receive any 'reward' such as reciprocity from her. Just too much at stake here, in reality.
Married.
In LE with married LO :-\
I need to just keep internalizing these thoughts .." she doesn't give a shit about u , these are her normal behaviour and don't think u are any different "

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