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Lost, once more

Open forum ... what's on your mind? Want to vent or lament about your Limerent/Love Object? This is the ideal place.
Yesnomaybeso
Posts: 77
Joined: Tue Dec 18, 2018 12:11 pm
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Age: 28
Australia

Lost, once more

Post by Yesnomaybeso » Tue Aug 13, 2019 6:57 am

It's like I'm self aware but also have no clue what I'm doing. Good news, after a year of obsessive thinking about LO it has now passed, to the point where I can actually be friends with them without longing or seedy underlying intentions. The bad, I've transfered I suppose you'd say. To someone who lives in another country and also has their own issues. We say we love each other. I feel it too but logic obviously always makes me question that. Just our past wounds etc. I keep telling him that I'm going to take a break from chatting, then a day later I'm back to messaging. I hate this codependency. I have no clue what to do. I need some honest advice.

LadyChat
Posts: 175
Joined: Thu Oct 04, 2018 7:51 pm
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Great Britain

Re: Lost, once more

Post by LadyChat » Tue Aug 13, 2019 9:00 am

Don’t have any advice I’m afraid...but if it’s any comfort I’ve done pretty much the exact same as you. I’m over LO we have infrequent conversations where he brags about something to do with his talent or opportunities, I now laugh about this. However, I’ve inadvertently entered into a friendship that I wouldn’t necessarily describe as limerent, but most definitely would describe as co-dependent. He is a lovely, kind man and I have a lot of time for him, but he has definite issues and past trauma. What started out as me lacking confidence in my own abilities has shifted to me realising I can do it and now having another person to motivate, support and take care of. It might end up being mutually supportive and highly beneficial, but knowing me and my propensity for limerence, I’m more than a little concerned!

daydreamer
Posts: 859
Joined: Wed Nov 07, 2018 5:44 pm
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United States of America

Re: Lost, once more

Post by daydreamer » Tue Aug 13, 2019 10:12 am

i sympathize with both of you. it's hard but possible.

[...]
Last edited by daydreamer on Tue Aug 13, 2019 4:40 pm, edited 1 time in total.
I'm limerence free and I'm not afraid of it anymore. I learn something new about myself and life everyday. There is hope and so much more. NC works. Be free, be happy! In retrospect, the LE was about the best thing that happened in my life.

LadyChat
Posts: 175
Joined: Thu Oct 04, 2018 7:51 pm
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Great Britain

Re: Lost, once more

Post by LadyChat » Tue Aug 13, 2019 12:28 pm

Yes that is exactly what I’m trying to do. I’m far more mindful of when I’m in an obsessive mood and have been able to moderate contact to some degree. In many respects it would be the perfect mutually supportive friendship, were it not for sexual attraction. I need to be boundaried and mindful of my own behaviour, though saying and doing are two entirely different things.

daydreamer
Posts: 859
Joined: Wed Nov 07, 2018 5:44 pm
Gender:
United States of America

Re: Lost, once more

Post by daydreamer » Tue Aug 13, 2019 4:42 pm

LadyChat wrote:
Tue Aug 13, 2019 12:28 pm
In many respects it would be the perfect mutually supportive friendship, were it not for sexual attraction.
sexual attraction? don't know how to undo that. best it's to prevent it from happening in the first place.
I'm limerence free and I'm not afraid of it anymore. I learn something new about myself and life everyday. There is hope and so much more. NC works. Be free, be happy! In retrospect, the LE was about the best thing that happened in my life.

peter.rabbit
Posts: 109
Joined: Wed Jul 24, 2019 12:27 am
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Age: 67
United States of America

Re: Lost, once more

Post by peter.rabbit » Tue Aug 13, 2019 10:18 pm

daydreamer wrote:
Tue Aug 13, 2019 4:42 pm
LadyChat wrote:
Tue Aug 13, 2019 12:28 pm
In many respects it would be the perfect mutually supportive friendship, were it not for sexual attraction.
sexual attraction? don't know how to undo that. best it's to prevent it from happening in the first place.
I agree, sexual attraction can't be undone.

Question: How on Earth can you 'prevent' sexual attraction from occurring? Heavy duty antidepressants?
Married.
In LE with married LO :-\
I need to just keep internalizing these thoughts .." she doesn't give a shit about u , these are her normal behaviour and don't think u are any different "

daydreamer
Posts: 859
Joined: Wed Nov 07, 2018 5:44 pm
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United States of America

Re: Lost, once more

Post by daydreamer » Tue Aug 13, 2019 10:31 pm

treat the person like your sister.
I'm limerence free and I'm not afraid of it anymore. I learn something new about myself and life everyday. There is hope and so much more. NC works. Be free, be happy! In retrospect, the LE was about the best thing that happened in my life.

Cookie
Posts: 659
Joined: Wed Sep 27, 2017 4:08 pm
United States of America

Re: Lost, once more

Post by Cookie » Wed Aug 14, 2019 1:29 am

Yesnomaybeso wrote:
Tue Aug 13, 2019 6:57 am
I keep telling him that I'm going to take a break from chatting, then a day later I'm back to messaging. I hate this codependency. I have no clue what to do. I need some honest advice.
All you can do is fight it and treat it like the addiction that it is.

There's a phrase used in rehab -- "people and places" -- which essentially means to avoid the elements in your life that might impede your recovery. Going online and chatting with someone who is part of an unhealthy symbiosis is the limerent's equivalent of driving by the crack house to see if anybody's home. *Somebody* always will be there, to your point of transference.

So, honest advice? Quit going. Take a break from all online stuff and work on the codependence. :ymhug:
Person

peter.rabbit
Posts: 109
Joined: Wed Jul 24, 2019 12:27 am
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Age: 67
United States of America

Re: Lost, once more

Post by peter.rabbit » Wed Aug 14, 2019 1:53 am

daydreamer wrote:
Tue Aug 13, 2019 10:31 pm
treat the person like your sister.
I believe that in the context of a Limerent event making such a shift in perspective would likely not be successful. If we could simply re-align our feelings by sheer willpower then none of us here would be afflicted with the Limerent condition.

I treat my LO like a friend/acquaintance/sister, not as a lover but no matter what- my heart and mind goes further than what's really there.
Married.
In LE with married LO :-\
I need to just keep internalizing these thoughts .." she doesn't give a shit about u , these are her normal behaviour and don't think u are any different "

L-F
Posts: 2574
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: Lost, once more

Post by L-F » Wed Aug 14, 2019 4:59 am

peter.rabbit wrote:
Tue Aug 13, 2019 10:18 pm

I agree, sexual attraction can't be undone.

Question: How on Earth can you 'prevent' sexual attraction from occurring? Heavy duty antidepressants?
Picture someone thinking the same thoughts as you do about your wife. If you are married that is.
That would be a mood killer I'm sure. But prevent? Nooo only heavy lifting can help prevent.
Have conquered limerence. I'm no expert but have learnt enough to know where to look for answers.
Limerence Net helped to heal my heart which led to forgiving my abusers ❤

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