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My limerence story - any thoughts?

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Addison
Posts: 15
Joined: Mon Aug 12, 2019 1:09 pm
Gender:
Spain

Re: My limerence story - any thoughts?

Post by Addison » Tue Aug 13, 2019 1:40 am

I really appreciate your advices.
Actually, Peter, thanks for making me laugh at this whole situation! Imagining this intellectual serious guy in yoga pants turns out to be funny. At least, for a moment he looks absolutely ridiculous to me. :))
I am not a gym person (I hate gyms, to be honest), but I do like walking and jogging. I do not like doing it alone though, because it triggers thinking about myself and my own feelings, which, to be truthful, I have been avoiding for the past two years.

Patty, I agree with you. That is exactly my fear, to be tangled up in a total mess. That is why I do not disclosure to anyone. I am sure it wouldn’t bring any good. I would hurt the most important people in my life because of intrusive thoughts that I have developed over a work colleague that I don’t see for 2 years? That sounds selfish and inconsequent to me.

Well, this is all too bad. Putting this into written words really makes me start hating this guy. I know he is not all to blame. But all the compliments, all the love and sensual songs (this sounds pathetic, I know), the invitations to work together, the invitations to go for a vacation to his home in his new country (in the tropics)… These are reciprocations. I have never invited him to anything but work situations or to have lunch/coffee between appointments. Why would he invited me to go to the tropics to explore white sandy beaches with him? And why did he do that just two weeks ago and then stopped talking to me, did not answered my message and gone back to the tropics without seeing me? He is more troubled than me.
I am pretty sure that the best thing to do is to keep the mess in control – inside me, where it began*, where it belongs, where it has to be fixed.

(Here I am writing a novel again. Sorry, guys! :p )
* I am not totally sure about this however. I am confident it began in him and he strongly suggested it to me.

Addison
Posts: 15
Joined: Mon Aug 12, 2019 1:09 pm
Gender:
Spain

Re: My limerence story - any thoughts?

Post by Addison » Wed Aug 14, 2019 1:07 pm

Hi Guys,

Just passing by to tell you that yesterday I had a nervous breakdown. I was so anxious that my chest hurt, my mind was a roller coaster, I was reaching despair. I think I was having an anxiety attack.
I decided to ask for help. This may be too much for me to manage on my own. I am not just referring to this Limerence thing, but to all the changes that are taking place in my life. I really think that limerence is the tip of the iceberg. A distraction that my mind uses to escape from what triggers anxiety.
I researched natural medicines for anxiety. I found some that seem safe to me (made from valerian root) and asked for advice at the pharmacy. They said I can take them, that they are safe. I've never taken anxiolytics, do not do drugs and only drink alcohol occasionally. I took one this morning and felt incredibly calmer, able to control my intrusive thoughts, and have been working all morning without distracting myself.
I’m going to take theses pills for two weeks, as the pharmaceutist recommended. If I do not feel better, I will seek professional help.

peter.rabbit
Posts: 148
Joined: Wed Jul 24, 2019 12:27 am
United States of America

Re: My limerence story - any thoughts?

Post by peter.rabbit » Wed Aug 14, 2019 10:49 pm

Addison wrote:
Wed Aug 14, 2019 1:07 pm
Hi Guys,

Just passing by to tell you that yesterday I had a nervous breakdown. I was so anxious that my chest hurt, my mind was a roller coaster, I was reaching despair. I think I was having an anxiety attack.
Wow Addison, I'm so sorry to hear this, I know how horrible this feels. So the Valerian does work for you? I use Kava tea, it's been referred to as being a 'non prescription Xanax.' This product--> Yogi Kava Stress Relief Tea

I hope you do get some professional help for this matter. I am seriously considering making an appointment with my health care provider's counseling services, I'm trying but not succeeding at doing this alone.
Married.
In LE with married LO :-\
I need to just keep internalizing these thoughts .." she doesn't give a shit about u , these are her normal behaviour and don't think u are any different "

Angel
Posts: 181
Joined: Fri Jul 19, 2019 12:52 pm
United States of America

Re: My limerence story - any thoughts?

Post by Angel » Thu Aug 15, 2019 1:24 am

Addison wrote:
Wed Aug 14, 2019 1:07 pm
Hi Guys,

Just passing by to tell you that yesterday I had a nervous breakdown. I was so anxious that my chest hurt, my mind was a roller coaster, I was reaching despair. I think I was having an anxiety attack.
I decided to ask for help. This may be too much for me to manage on my own. I am not just referring to this Limerence thing, but to all the changes that are taking place in my life. I really think that limerence is the tip of the iceberg. A distraction that my mind uses to escape from what triggers anxiety.
I researched natural medicines for anxiety. I found some that seem safe to me (made from valerian root) and asked for advice at the pharmacy. They said I can take them, that they are safe. I've never taken anxiolytics, do not do drugs and only drink alcohol occasionally. I took one this morning and felt incredibly calmer, able to control my intrusive thoughts, and have been working all morning without distracting myself.
I’m going to take theses pills for two weeks, as the pharmaceutist recommended. If I do not feel better, I will seek professional help.
Oh no! I’ve had 4 panic attacks since I started NC about 8 days ago, so I’m right there feeling your pain. I was kicking myself today that I threw out all my anxiety meds because I’ve been doing so well. I’ve been taking CBD oil, but I might need more professional/medical intervention because I haven’t been very functional. Hoping it all turns a corner soon.

Hang in there and keep us updated!

peter.rabbit
Posts: 148
Joined: Wed Jul 24, 2019 12:27 am
United States of America

Re: My limerence story - any thoughts?

Post by peter.rabbit » Thu Aug 15, 2019 3:11 am

Angel wrote:
Thu Aug 15, 2019 1:24 am
I was kicking myself today that I threw out all my anxiety meds because I’ve been doing so well. I’ve been taking CBD oil, but I might need more professional/medical intervention because I haven’t been very functional.
I hope CBD oil works better for you than it did for me. I use Yogi kava Tea, it does have a noticable calming effect(amazing); available at Walmart or online.
Married.
In LE with married LO :-\
I need to just keep internalizing these thoughts .." she doesn't give a shit about u , these are her normal behaviour and don't think u are any different "

Addison
Posts: 15
Joined: Mon Aug 12, 2019 1:09 pm
Gender:
Spain

Re: My limerence story - any thoughts?

Post by Addison » Thu Aug 15, 2019 10:37 am

Hi,

Thanks, Peter, for your kind reply. Yes, actually, the valerian pills are working. I felt a little sleepy yesterday morning, but a strong black coffee solved it quickly. I functioned normally all day, was able to focus and be productive and, as I said, the intrusive thoughts were kept under control, which made felt relieved, to be honest. Of course the things that are making me anxious popped up in my head for instants a few times along the day (the LO, the new job, moving to another town, my stupid lack of self-esteem). But I dealt differently with those thoughts, in a calmer and more rational way.
These specific pills I am taking are made of valerian and hop (Humulus lupulus). I googled it and it seems the later is a species of cannabaceae (hemp family)! Well, I guess I could just smoke a joint! :D Just kidding! As I said, I do not do drugs.
Thanks for the tip on the Yoggi Tea. I know that brand, used to buy a chocolate flavored tea that I loved. Actually, I used to practice yoga in my twenties… I think I should do it again. Just made this decision: I am going back to yoga!

Angel, I am sorry to hear you had panic attacks. I don’t think that was the case for me. I did not hyperventilate, my heart beat was normal… I just felt very anxious and confused, pain in chest and very nauseous… I don’t know… But I know it was not because of NC. I have already been NC for long periods (months) with LO and nothing similar to this has happened (the limerence has actually greatly reduced). In fact, I think I don’t really care about NC, that is why I know for sure that I am not in love with this person and that my fantasies about him are a like veil hiding other issues.
But why did you quit your anxiety meds? As far as I know they are addictive and one should not stop taking them without slowly reducing the doses. I am very afraid of anxiolytics because almost of them are benzodiazepines, which are very addictive and have a few scary side effects. Please, talk to your doctor if you haven’t yet.
I didn’t know CBD oil, but turns out it is also made from hemp!

I will keep you updated. And you hang in there too! Thanks for your support!

Addison
Posts: 15
Joined: Mon Aug 12, 2019 1:09 pm
Gender:
Spain

Re: My limerence story - any thoughts?

Post by Addison » Thu Aug 15, 2019 10:47 am

Hey,

Have you noticed that almost every love songs are perfect examples of limerence?
Sorry if this bothers you, it is somehow out of subject in this thread, but I am a music lover and can't help notice that almost every love song is an expression of a limerent love... Which makes me feel that we are pretty much normal people! :D

Guest

Re: My limerence story - any thoughts?

Post by Guest » Thu Aug 15, 2019 12:16 pm

Or perhaps it is these love songs that we like so much and also the movies that have made us the limerence suffers that we are? We actually believe and buy in to that perfect image of love and hope/wish it were a possibility in our lives.

Addison
Posts: 15
Joined: Mon Aug 12, 2019 1:09 pm
Gender:
Spain

Re: My limerence story - any thoughts?

Post by Addison » Fri Aug 16, 2019 9:46 am

I know what you mean... And it is a fact that we are a reflection of the society in which we are socialized. But do people in India grow up with the very same cultural references regarding love and relationships that western countries' inhabitants do? I am pretty much sure that the answer is no, and, still, India is one of the Asian countries whose own mass culture products are strongly characterized by limerent love stories (Bollywood…).
I am not suggesting that limerent love is not a social construct or that it is somehow biological determined… But the thing is…. How does it get transversally present in almost every culture in the world? I don’t know if native Latin American Indians fall in limerent love, but, as far as I know from the music I listen (and I do adore to listen autochthon music from all over the world), almost every culture has its own limerent poets and musicians…
And one of these days I was listen to one of Helen Fisher conferences called The brain in Love (you find it in youtube) and she was showing the audience the parts of the brain where love is felt, and it is in a very lower, primary part of our brains…

Well, perhaps I am suggesting a certain degree of biological determination to love and infatuation…. Or, I am not really suggesting anything, I am just sharing my thoughts with you because I am very intrigued by this matters now.

Addison
Posts: 15
Joined: Mon Aug 12, 2019 1:09 pm
Gender:
Spain

Re: My limerence story - any thoughts?

Post by Addison » Fri Aug 16, 2019 9:52 am

The thing is that I really want to have an explanation. I need to know how was the bluebird linving in our hearts born and why do we nourish him.

(Do you know "Bluebird" of Bukowski? Here it is:

"there’s a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I’m too tough for him,
I say, stay in there, I’m not going
to let anybody see
you.

there’s a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I pour whiskey on him and inhale
cigarette smoke
and the whores and the bartenders
and the grocery clerks
never know that
he’s
in there.

there’s a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I’m too tough for him,
I say,
stay down, do you want to mess
me up?
you want to screw up the
works?
you want to blow my book sales in
Europe?

there’s a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I’m too clever, I only let him out
at night sometimes
when everybody’s asleep.
I say, I know that you’re there,
so don’t be
sad.
then I put him back,
but he’s singing a little
in there, I haven’t quite let him
die
and we sleep together like
that
with our
secret pact
and it’s nice enough to
make a man
weep, but I don’t
weep, do
you?"

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