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Ever heard of.....

Discussion related to all forms of addictions.
Maddie
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Ever heard of.....

Post by Maddie » Sun Aug 11, 2019 11:21 pm

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Last edited by Maddie on Tue Aug 13, 2019 10:01 pm, edited 1 time in total.
39, F
LO, 50 , M
Mental health is an ongoing commitment to reality at all costs-- (M Scott Peck)

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NoDayDreaming
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Re: Ever heard of.....

Post by NoDayDreaming » Mon Aug 12, 2019 12:05 am

i heard bad things about kratom, very addictive. sorry you got affected by 2 addictions at the same time. what are you going to do about it?
I'm limerence free and I'm not afraid of it anymore. I learn something new about myself and life everyday. There is hope and so much more. NC works. Be free, be happy! In retrospect, LE was about the best thing that has happened in my life.

Spinnaker
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Re: Ever heard of.....

Post by Spinnaker » Mon Aug 12, 2019 12:16 am

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Last edited by Spinnaker on Tue Aug 13, 2019 1:35 am, edited 1 time in total.
“We are tied in a single garment of destiny. What affects one directly affects everyone indirectly”.
Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

Pattihopeful
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Re: Ever heard of.....

Post by Pattihopeful » Mon Aug 12, 2019 12:49 pm

I have not heard of it Maddie, but am concerned about you. Sending hugs. This limerance thing is awful but there is hope. Please keep us updated.

Maddie
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Re: Ever heard of.....

Post by Maddie » Mon Aug 12, 2019 2:40 pm

thank you all for the support!

DD, a few things I am going to do:

ask God to help me daily to stay sober
continue my 12-step mtgs even if I can't yet be "rigorously honest"
keep contact with my support system
talk to SO (I chickened out last night)
I go see my psychiatrist next Monday. Plz pray that goes well. She’s familiar with the drug and is going to be disappointed that I tried it, but then again maybe she won’t bc if she’s an addictionoligist, surely she understands the struggle
I have 2 more of these things…going to try not to buy more

The guilt and shame of how far I took it with the LO is just rough—keeps me up at night
(plz don’t copy)
39, F
LO, 50 , M
Mental health is an ongoing commitment to reality at all costs-- (M Scott Peck)

mamasita
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Re: Ever heard of.....

Post by mamasita » Mon Aug 12, 2019 2:49 pm

Maddie, be kind to yourself. It went too far with LO and the pull was undeniable. Sometimes it feels like (when I look back at how far I also went in pursuing the LO) I was a different person and the dopamine rush was like cocaine or some other addictive substance.
You are addicted to the feeling of freeing your mind and I can certainly relate. You interchange the rush of drugs, the LO, they're all the same to our internal selves, who are in pain.
It's so hard to sit with the pain of life, particularly when there's just a sprinkle of regret in there for good measure. I also get anxiety when my mind wonders to the reality that people may know about what I've done.
One day at a time! You can do this! You are acknowledging where you are, and that's the first step. Upward from here. :ymhug:

Angel
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Re: Ever heard of.....

Post by Angel » Mon Aug 12, 2019 4:08 pm

maddie,

Keeping you in prayer for all those things you listed!
I’m barely struggle through - my LE and getting out of this has been really complicated. My SO has reminded me of some of the addictive behaviors that I’ve exhibited in the past that was really destructive and how I never really resolved them.

You may not feel strong now, but I admire you are taking all of these amazing purposeful steps. It’s encouraging to me, esp today when I feel like giving up and falling apart.

L-F
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Re: Ever heard of.....

Post by L-F » Mon Aug 12, 2019 8:28 pm

I've never heard of it. By the responses of others, it doesn't sound good, but what scares me more is that you can buy it at a petrol station??? So kids can get their hands on it???

I hope whatever it is, you are able to break free from it. All the best.
If only we'd sit with the void too... then perhaps we won't need to fill it once we get over the fear of its existence. L-F

peter.rabbit
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Re: Ever heard of.....

Post by peter.rabbit » Mon Aug 12, 2019 9:06 pm

I'd heard of Kratom on neurotalk forum, wanted to try it for pain but I believe the DEA has banned it or put restrictions on it.
Married.
In LE with married LO :-\
I need to just keep internalizing these thoughts .." she doesn't give a shit about u , these are her normal behaviour and don't think u are any different "

Maddie
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Re: Ever heard of.....

Post by Maddie » Mon Aug 12, 2019 9:58 pm

thank you all for the feedback and encouragement! I don't know where I'd be without this forum. :ymhug:

Mamasita, as always, you get it. thanks for relating your experience, and encouraging me to have self-love :ymhug:

angel- thank you, thank you :ymhug: I'll pray for you as well, I'm sorry you are struggling!

LF. I know. it's readily available in a few stores in my town. dangerous. thanks for the support.

peter rabbit
all I know is it is legal where I am. the only way I've tried it is in that drink I mentioned above. I sure wouldn't recommend the drink/shot.

** don't copy plz, i'll delete later **
39, F
LO, 50 , M
Mental health is an ongoing commitment to reality at all costs-- (M Scott Peck)

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