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Help! need advice

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Anonymous girl

Help! need advice

Post by Anonymous girl » Fri Jul 12, 2019 7:31 am

Hi Everyone,

Its my first time here. I have been limerant for my LO since July 2018. He is my co worker. I am happily married with two lovely kids. I have told my Husband about my "crush"and he is actually encouraging me to pursue it and let me have fun with him. I know this sounds very strange for people to hear. My husband and I met very young at 19 and he is all for me having my fun as long as I dont get attached..

I was living a wonderful life until my LO came along. He is 6 years younger than me and a Lawyer. Everything about him is so attractive. It started off as flirting and smiling at each other. Then it progressed and he added me on Linkedin, then he asked for my number when he found out I was having issues in my marriage. A week later he casually said " I have no one to go drinking with". We eventually went out for drinks (I had permission from my Husband to do so) we had alot to drink but he had his friends there on the night so nothing physical happened. It was all very strange. When we were alone he told me he had a girlfriend (she is actually his Fiancee) which I already knew about thanks to my stalking behaviour. I asked him if she would be uncomfortable with me there and he smiled and said but nothings happening...

Since then he has been very hot and cold, giving me compliments one week and sending me a random text message then not speaking for the next week. I am constantly up and down with my feelings. I am going crazy on the inside. I have seen a therapist and she said I need to either confess to him or move on.

This has gone on for far too long and I just dont know what to do. I have thought about leaving my job but I enjoy my job and it works well with my children.

Please help if anyone has any advice. I am losing weight and have shed so many tears in private.

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David
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Re: Help! need advice

Post by David » Fri Jul 12, 2019 10:23 am

Anonymous girl wrote:
Fri Jul 12, 2019 7:31 am
My husband and I met very young at 19 and he is all for me having my fun as long as I dont get attached..
That is the danger of polyamory. Very very few people have done enough self development work to let go of all their attachments and not seek out ego validation through romantic love.

As for advice, plenty here on the forum already so I wont repeat myself.
"Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate." - C.G. Jung

For Relationship Coaching help see www.loverelations.co.uk
For Individual Coaching and Mentoring see www.drdavidperl.com

daydreamer
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Re: Help! need advice

Post by daydreamer » Fri Jul 12, 2019 3:07 pm

hi girl!
this hot-cold treatment you receive is a huge red flag. he either knows how to manipulate you or he has major issues with his personality, like borderline, bipolar, or even much worse. also, the fact that he flirts with you while early on in his own relationship with his fiance is a sign of him being a player, womanizer, or serial cheater.

either run away from him or confront him about that hot-cold treatment and ask him to get help and treatment he needs.

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Re: Help! need advice

Post by Helpmeplease » Fri Jul 12, 2019 4:45 pm

This sounds very dangerous

A crush you are allowed to explore
Marriage issues
Hot cold treatment
Your addiction to him

There are a range of very hurtful outcomes.

You and LO become emotionally and physically attached
LO using you and you becoming attached

LE is incredibly hard to cope with - I can't imagine how to cope if there is also physical aspect . Please try and tear yourself away and look at your marriage and think about what you want.

Anonymous girl

Re: Help! need advice

Post by Anonymous girl » Fri Jul 12, 2019 10:15 pm

Thankyou for your replies. They are most helpful.

I know I should avoid him like the plague but it’s literally like a drug and a magnet. Each week I’m waiting for him to ask me for drinks again and it never happens, then I get down and depressed about it.

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Re: Help! need advice

Post by daydreamer » Fri Jul 12, 2019 10:35 pm

Anonymous girl wrote:
Fri Jul 12, 2019 10:15 pm
it’s literally like a drug and a magnet.
exactly, it's hyper-attraction and addiction (in that specific order). it's not different from addiction to lets say meth or crack. you take them to feel good and you want to take it more and more to feel better and better. not much later, you have to use them all the time, just to function OK. when the supply ends, you are suddenly in a deep despair. does it sound familiar? if it does, because you use your LO supply instead of meth or crack.

if you want to get better, you need rehab (we call it NC here for no contact). later, after a few weeks, when the addiction subsides, you need to figure out why you are hyper-attached to some types. recently, i started a thread on cluster B personalities to figure out some answers for myself. welcome to visit it anytime.

Anonymous girl

Re: Help! need advice

Post by Anonymous girl » Sat Jul 13, 2019 9:01 am

I really appreciate all your feedback. I work with this man so the NC is going to be tricky but I’m willing to give it a go and avoid him. I just want to know when this all will end and I can go back to being happy again. I honestly don’t remember the last time I felt happy. Each day feels like a battle to get through.

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Re: Help! need advice

Post by John » Sat Jul 13, 2019 1:58 pm

NC is really the only solution, along with realizing that it is not HIM giving you the addicting dopamine rush but what you have created in your own mind. You can and will recover.

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Celestialbody
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Re: Help! need advice

Post by Celestialbody » Sun Jul 14, 2019 3:11 am

Another story with a lawyer! There must be a class in law school on how to generate limerence in your coworkers.

Anonymous girl

Re: Help! need advice

Post by Anonymous girl » Sun Jul 14, 2019 4:25 am

Yes another lawyer story. I think it’s the whole power thing that draws me into the “fantasy”. It’s the weirdest thing like he is so not my type normally. But I have him on this pedestal that is ridiculous. Even when we went out for drinks he didn’t really talk to me much and just spoke of himself the whole time...

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