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Teach me how to say goodbye

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Teach me how to say goodbye

Post by NaturalezaMuerta » Thu Jul 11, 2019 6:37 am

I have only two days left at this job that brought me to the blessing/hell of Limerence. Today I had a goodbye party that LO didn’t attend. He didn’t attend because this Friday I will be having drinks with him and the rest of the management team as a special goodbye. I know nothing whatsoever is going to happen but I am still stuck on whether to disclose, how much to say or even to say anything at all.

Scenario #1: Full disclosure (the Limerence fantasy/self destruction one). Tell him that he broke something inside of me, explain Limerence and the insanity that it led me to. That it anchored me in this job. Hell, give him the website and have him enjoy my crazy musings here. Fantasy result: it will give me some validation that it was somewhat mutual. Real result: deep embarrassment and shame spiraling for me.

Scenario #2: Partial disclosure (drafted in my thread in the text/disclosure sub forum). Tell him just enough to give him the gist but not with the love/attraction/limerent piece. The hope is that it will give me some closure and help me move on. Fantasy hope: he will give me some validation that it was not all in my head. What will probably happen: nothing.

Scenario #3: Say nothing and say goodbye. I know that this is the healthiest option and the least satisfying for the limerbeast. My fear is that I will regret not telling him. I don’t like leaving things unsaid.

What would you do?
They are not responding to you and you are not responding to them. *-:)

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Re: Teach me how to say goodbye

Post by Helpmeplease » Thu Jul 11, 2019 7:14 am

Hey NM

I would not do #1. I thought through disclosure for all of 2018 and it was such a mind bend. Ultimately I could see nothing good coming from disclosure. I am. It sure you would get validation and I am not sure it's good to get that. Even more danger if you did

I have also often thought of #2. Sometimes I think this could he helpful depending on the type of disclosure. My ideas:
' if I were single I would have asked you on a date'
' last year you helped me so much and I am grateful. You probably saved my current career and I needed someone to feel safe with. I became dependent on you. I am in a better place now, and not dependent but grateful for our close friendship'
'you are my favorite person's (ok I actually said this)

If you really want to tell them you are attracted then my first idea was the safest way I could do this. I decided not to. Why bother? Only to prolong the disaster.
I kind if like my second idea on the dependency. I may say this to my LO one day, when I know I am 100pc clear

Your last idea. Yes. For now I would do this. It's hard and frightening but best for you long term. Why would you regret it? That loops back to option 1 and my comments above

Good luck with the next few days they will be hard and you will feel a range of hard to deal with emotions. Have some friends /family around you, arrange some things to do

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Re: Teach me how to say goodbye

Post by daydreamer » Thu Jul 11, 2019 3:03 pm

i did #1, but it was safe enough due to the distance and no work relationship. DON'T DO IT.

#3 is the best but the hardest to do.

#2 is a decent compromise. HMP gave very good examples, there is nothing i can add more.

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Re: Teach me how to say goodbye

Post by L-F » Thu Jul 11, 2019 7:37 pm

I would pinch a quote from Steve Maraboli (Unapologetically You: Reflections on Life and the Human Experience) and say...

"I will not try to convince you to love me, to respect me, to commit to me. I deserve better than that; I AM BETTER THAN THAT...Goodbye."

But since he doesn't know you are limerent, he'd not likely understand. NM, no matter what option you choose, it will be painful. Goodbyes are. It is even painful saying goodbye to a monster or an imaginary persona because even with a monster, there will always be a moment of pleasure experienced. So it's not a matter of saying goodbye to the person who loved or hurt you, it is about saying goodbye to those enjoyable moments — saying goodbye to those dopamine hits.

All the best NM! Kia kaha.
Have conquered limerence. I'm no expert but have learnt enough to know where to look for answers.
Limerence Net helped to heal my heart which led to forgiving my abusers ❤

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