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Homolimerence?

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Rencelime
Posts: 3
Joined: Wed Jun 12, 2019 6:54 pm
Gender:
Age: 52
Ireland

Homolimerence?

Post by Rencelime » Thu Jun 13, 2019 5:58 pm

Hi everyone,

I use the term homolimerence as I am a guy who experiences limerent attraction to at least one other main guy at any one time.

For whatever reason I develop limerence around a Limerent Object of attraction who happens to be stocky build and has a beard and in some ways has a vulnerable look to him. E.g. May be at a bus stop on his own or is significantly different from others e.g. Half Danish half Irish. As I’m aware by now having read books been in touch with at least two therapists on line...short of wearing the T-Shirt; I’m more aware of the pattern of limerent attraction or at least one of several patterns.

It’s acting on the awareness that I find painful but I accept that pain is perhaps at the root of limerence at least for me.
For example I may be tempted to go along a route he goes that I ordinarily wouldn’t go down and when I resist and stick to my non-limerent route I find it takes emotional effort.

It’s like I imagine that the more I give in the more I give of myself for my limerent fantasy man to put on my flesh. As though he were; when of course he is not responsible for making himself the image that I make of him in my head. So that I then lose sense of my identity and I feel insecure and naked.

Does this sound familiar?

Forgive me that I haven’t really read through other’s experiences yet but that’s me struggling to keep ‘me’ at the moment. Given that I want to find a consistent way of managing this effectively; might Cognitive Behaviour Therapy offer any solution in at least helping me to manage the condition please?

Thanks,

Rencelime

Idiotic
Posts: 1737
Joined: Sun Sep 03, 2017 7:58 am

Re: Homolimerence?

Post by Idiotic » Thu Jun 13, 2019 7:39 pm

Umm... I'm not sure but are you saying you are limerent for men, but not sexually?
I keep dancing on my own - Robyn

Rencelime
Posts: 3
Joined: Wed Jun 12, 2019 6:54 pm
Gender:
Age: 52
Ireland

Re: Homolimerence?

Post by Rencelime » Fri Jun 14, 2019 10:02 am

Thanks for your reply - sorry for the length of my post. Yes it involves sexual attraction as part of the limerence I experience as man to man.

Idiotic
Posts: 1737
Joined: Sun Sep 03, 2017 7:58 am

Re: Homolimerence?

Post by Idiotic » Fri Jun 14, 2019 1:48 pm

No need to apologise man. Sometimes we are limerent for people without being sexually attracted to them, I just thought that was the case with you. Well, I guess, try dating other men? To try to take your mind off these main guys youve been obsessing over?
If youre already in a committed relationship then, it's a different matter entirely.
There are threads on all kinds of questions you could probably have about limerence. Good luck.
I keep dancing on my own - Robyn

Rencelime
Posts: 3
Joined: Wed Jun 12, 2019 6:54 pm
Gender:
Age: 52
Ireland

Re: Homolimerence?

Post by Rencelime » Fri Jun 14, 2019 2:43 pm

Thanks. Yes I can certainly look at widening my circle. I’m bisexual I believe so I could consider twice as many possible options :) Even though I’m religiously conservative ( yep big C guys lol ) I can look at least at disinterested friendships that don’t have to involve beards. Much as I can be attracted to Greek and Russian Orthodox monks. See - non availability features in my obsessive fixations again. It’s like looking at a big bar of chocolate just out of reach as I am looking from within the cage of my mind at times. With the big exception of Rasputin. Toooo complicated. ‘Idiotic’ you’re great. Thanks for helping me to think renew instead of stop which only heightens the tension that drives my limerence engine. My wings have unfolded more ( Think less angel, more balding eagle :)) ). Thanks - everyone have a good weekend wherever you’re at.

L-F
Posts: 2659
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: Homolimerence?

Post by L-F » Mon Jun 24, 2019 9:36 pm

I was looking at this thread and wondering if it's a matter of psychological reactance. Psychological reactance is an aversive affective reaction in response to regulations or impositions that impinge on freedom and autonomy (Brehm, 1966).
In other words, wanting what you perceive as something you can't have. I'm only guessing since you mentioned Monks, and my understanding of Russian Orthodox Monks (I know very little about their lifestyle so please correct me if I'm wrong) is that they have to be married to hold that title? And if true, then its something you can't technically have in the eyes of this particular religion. According to traditional Orthodox teaching, homosexual activity is a sin like adultery, fornication, and other acts of sexual impurity. While they say we can't choose our temptations, we can choose our response to temptation.

You also mentioned "non availability features". Which got me thinking that perhaps it's more about wanting what you know deep down you can't have?

Like the cookie in the cookie jar when on a diet. So tempting isn't it!
Have conquered limerence. I'm no expert but have learnt enough to know where to look for answers.
Limerence Net helped to heal my heart which led to forgiving my abusers ❤

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