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i think the hell of limerence is in the uncertainty

Open forum ... what's on your mind? Want to vent or lament about your Limerent/Love Object? This is the ideal place.
AnnieKaye9924
Posts: 268
Joined: Sun Mar 24, 2019 8:22 pm
Canada

Re: i think the hell of limerence is in the uncertainty

Post by AnnieKaye9924 » Thu Jun 13, 2019 10:29 pm

This is just an awesome thread. Lots of good info here.

If you read the affair/recovery literature (not talking scientific papers but websites, books & articles about healing your marriage after an affair), you will encounter the mirror concept. Affair partners often have the dynamic of “reflecting” the best, most favorable image of each other back to the other person, which is part of what makes people so addicted to eachother.

I also like the point that maybe some LOs are not narcs or game-players, we just overanalyze & look for meaning in all of their actions. I have analyzed text messages, emojis, glances, overall mood, etc, as if it had something to do with me! Most likely it didn’t.

Even though my LO & I are now completely platonic I still have uncertainty. Because we were platonic friends for years & I was never sure if he really had feelings for me until he disclosed. So now the possibility is always in my mind that just maybe he’s hiding his feelings like he did all of those years before. 🙄 It’s ridiculous. I also see now after having been properly pursued by him the difference in how he treats a buddy vs. an interest. I am squarely in the buddy side now but before he disclosed I would have interpreted some of these things as interest.

Hopeless Lomantic
Posts: 202
Joined: Sun Mar 31, 2019 5:48 pm
Somalia

Re: i think the hell of limerence is in the uncertainty

Post by Hopeless Lomantic » Fri Jun 14, 2019 5:03 pm

Hi Annie, so what do u want the outcome to be ?

Do u wan him to pursue u again? Or u just want a balanced, non limerent friendship ?

daydreamer
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Re: i think the hell of limerence is in the uncertainty

Post by daydreamer » Sat Jun 15, 2019 4:17 am

well, the uncertainty was making me crazy today, and i managed to get her on the phone. while reassured we're still sort of friends, it's clear i need her more than she needs me, and she is not going to be as friendly as she used to when she needed me. i'll try to go into a LC mode, that i shouldn't have strayed from in the first place. knowing (even if it's bad news) is a quite a relief.
Last edited by daydreamer on Sat Jun 15, 2019 3:36 pm, edited 1 time in total.
I'm limerence free and I'm not afraid of it anymore. I learn something new about myself and life everyday. There is hope and so much more. NC works. Be free, be happy! In retrospect, the LE was about the best thing that happened in my life.

Hopeless Lomantic
Posts: 202
Joined: Sun Mar 31, 2019 5:48 pm
Somalia

Re: i think the hell of limerence is in the uncertainty

Post by Hopeless Lomantic » Sat Jun 15, 2019 7:59 am

Hi Dd, we r in a similar position and the uncertainty is also clearly something that keeps the LE gg for me as well.. for me i want to know badly whether there is anything more than friends but as others have told me, there is no way to fnd out and I know even after finding out that the situation will not be for the better..

Think it's just the mind seeking sort of a closure on the episode or I dun know, maybe it's my ego in play that I am entitled to her feelings since I am so emotionally invested.

daydreamer
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United States of America

Re: i think the hell of limerence is in the uncertainty

Post by daydreamer » Sat Jun 15, 2019 3:39 pm

Hopeless Lomantic wrote:
Sat Jun 15, 2019 7:59 am
maybe it's my ego in play that I am entitled to her feelings since I am so emotionally invested.
it's ego alright. often times we're altruistic and loving, as a form of begging to get that love in return. now, i know this is the definition of inverted narcissism. but, we are not necessarily bad people. it's subconsciousness programmed when we were young kids.
I'm limerence free and I'm not afraid of it anymore. I learn something new about myself and life everyday. There is hope and so much more. NC works. Be free, be happy! In retrospect, the LE was about the best thing that happened in my life.

Maddie
Posts: 1013
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United States of America

Re: i think the hell of limerence is in the uncertainty

Post by Maddie » Sun Jun 16, 2019 5:00 am

Yes, Cookie, thank you for explaining that. Makes sense now. :ymhug:

DD I hope you are finding your way out! How are you holding up?
39, F
LO, 50 , M
Mental health is an ongoing commitment to reality at all costs-- (M Scott Peck)

daydreamer
Posts: 897
Joined: Wed Nov 07, 2018 5:44 pm
Gender:
United States of America

Re: i think the hell of limerence is in the uncertainty

Post by daydreamer » Mon Jun 17, 2019 3:46 am

Maddie wrote:
Sun Jun 16, 2019 5:00 am
DD I hope you are finding your way out! How are you holding up?
Maddie, thanks for asking. the weekend after the conv. is better, limerence is down, because i know we are still (sort of, low-level) friends and there are no hard feelings. the uncertainty before that, where i had no idea what was going up, and felt rejected, was quite upsetting. one big roller-coaster. i'm glad i still have a line of communication with the LO. hopefully, with LC and some meds i'll be fine.
I'm limerence free and I'm not afraid of it anymore. I learn something new about myself and life everyday. There is hope and so much more. NC works. Be free, be happy! In retrospect, the LE was about the best thing that happened in my life.

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