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i think the hell of limerence is in the uncertainty

Open forum ... what's on your mind? Want to vent or lament about your Limerent/Love Object? This is the ideal place.
daydreamer
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i think the hell of limerence is in the uncertainty

Post by daydreamer » Thu Jun 13, 2019 4:43 pm

i think the hell of limerence is in the uncertainty. in my first phase of LE, i was ecstatic she was interested in me and wanted to spend time together. later uncertainty creeped in: does she love me? does she like me? is this the true love?, etc. it was hellish. there was some cold-hot happening and that made me completely crazy about her. i finely told her all openly, because earlier i just hinted. she clearly told me no love, just flirting and a friend-zone. i was hurt and started NC. it was painful first but later a relieve. i finally knew.

later, she reached out signaling she needed me as a friend. i thought i could be just a friend too. that was quite a relieve, as i knew where exactly we were. but LE slowly creeped in and she finely withdrew some. she acted a bit like we were not friends anymore. i was hurt again and started NC.

now, i sent her another "final" farewell letter, but i'm second guessing myself and still hope she contacts me back (even though i know she wont). the fact that i don't know anymore if she is really my friend or just pretended and manipulated me is killing me now. i guess i need to give up on this "friendship."

thanks for listening
I'm limerence free and I'm not afraid of it anymore. I learn something new about myself and life everyday. There is hope and so much more. NC works. Be free, be happy! In retrospect, the LE was about the best thing that happened in my life.

Pattihopeful
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Re: i think the hell of limerence is in the uncertainty

Post by Pattihopeful » Thu Jun 13, 2019 5:17 pm

I couldn't agree more DD! Mine has gotten worse I think since being told we couldn't have the emotional closeness and we could only talk every 2 weeks. Since then, there have been some mixed signals which I have written about. Hot/cold and push pull.

My counselor said it was like a slot machine. I keep playing but never know when the payout will come. It sounds like you did the right thing but it would be very painful. That's the hard part is that we don't know what they are thinking or what their motives are. Keep posting and know you have friends here. Take care.

Hopeless Lomantic
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Re: i think the hell of limerence is in the uncertainty

Post by Hopeless Lomantic » Thu Jun 13, 2019 5:26 pm

Fully agree too and the slot machine analogy resonates and is so apt...

To be rational, sometimes LO may not have any motives and they simply just enjoy our platonic company or enjoy the attention being showered on them..

They may not be narc or intentionally play games with us..it's our own interpretations and analysing of situations that screwed us..that is the sucky part of LE where anything LO says is never taken at face value and we seek for hidden meanings even when there r none.. it's our own creativity and limerent mind that continually try to seek for clues or singals that LO likes us

Cookie
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Re: i think the hell of limerence is in the uncertainty

Post by Cookie » Thu Jun 13, 2019 5:47 pm

Yes, but the true uncertainty isn't about whether they like us...it's about whether WE like us. They are really just a mirror, and we keep checking it to see if we're good enough, pretty enough, smart enough, etc. etc. etc. Assurances that we should be able to give ourselves without them. Not being able to do that is the real hell.
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Hopeless Lomantic
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Re: i think the hell of limerence is in the uncertainty

Post by Hopeless Lomantic » Thu Jun 13, 2019 5:52 pm

Wow thats a deep one.. they r our mirrors.. never thought of that b4 and it's a new perspective for me.

Cookie
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Re: i think the hell of limerence is in the uncertainty

Post by Cookie » Thu Jun 13, 2019 6:16 pm

Hopeless Lomantic wrote:
Thu Jun 13, 2019 5:52 pm
Wow thats a deep one.. they r our mirrors.. never thought of that b4 and it's a new perspective for me.
It's kind of the classic symbol of narcissism, with Narcissus staring at his reflection and all that.

I found Dr. Sam Vaknin's writings about narcissism and inverted narcissism to be very helpful. He used to just write about it, but I think he has some YouTube videos now too.
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daydreamer
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Re: i think the hell of limerence is in the uncertainty

Post by daydreamer » Thu Jun 13, 2019 6:47 pm

Thanks Patti. slot machine, i like that. i guess I'm addicted to this type of gambling.

Cookie, the way you said it, i finely understood the mirror analogy. i'm not overly narcissistic enough to like myself in the actually mirror, but love to be admired by others. i think this is the key. this is how we are codependent, me and my LO.

thank you all, you are giving me the light in a cave.

BTW, i'll check for Dr. Sam Vaknin's writings.
I'm limerence free and I'm not afraid of it anymore. I learn something new about myself and life everyday. There is hope and so much more. NC works. Be free, be happy! In retrospect, the LE was about the best thing that happened in my life.

Idiotic
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Re: i think the hell of limerence is in the uncertainty

Post by Idiotic » Thu Jun 13, 2019 8:10 pm

daydreamer wrote:
Thu Jun 13, 2019 4:43 pm
i sent her another "final" farewell letter,
Its never final if we resolve its final , just speaking from experience. When you get to 'final', you wont care whether it is final after all.
I keep dancing on my own - Robyn

Helpmeplease
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Re: i think the hell of limerence is in the uncertainty

Post by Helpmeplease » Thu Jun 13, 2019 8:24 pm

Wishing you strength DD, this is a rough ride. Even with disclosure and knowing her feelings (the latter I keep wanting to know myself) you send up still in madness - sorry for you

I think it's good you are clear there are no feelings and I totally understand the hurt of now questioning if you ever had a friendship bin the first place or if not what. I have been though that thought process too and it is painful and unsettling and another unknown. It's hard to imagine that someone we thought was such a close friend wasn't s friend at all, how fake this all is.

She may be needing time out from it all and is a friend, she may be giving you space or she made not be a friend. But probably the space is a good idea to let you focus on you sdb your family and gear up for a nice summer. Breaking the dependency is hard but is necessary - you can't be dependent on someone outside of your family whonyou may love, desire etc . It can't work in the long run.

This is far easier to write to others than to internalise myself as I know how hard this is and you have really helped me on my thread

Pattihopeful
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Re: i think the hell of limerence is in the uncertainty

Post by Pattihopeful » Thu Jun 13, 2019 9:19 pm

Cookie, I finally understand what they mean by a mirror. Bless you! Look at how we help each other here. DD I wish I had a magic wand for all of us to wave and make it go away. Take care

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