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How did you create meaning in your life after limerence?

Open forum ... what's on your mind? Want to vent or lament about your Limerent/Love Object? This is the ideal place.
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Yesnomaybeso
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How did you create meaning in your life after limerence?

Post by Yesnomaybeso » Tue Jun 11, 2019 3:24 pm

I just feel so bored and empty now that it’s close to over. I’m trying so hard not to fall into bad habits but the further away from limerence I get, the more I’m falling into old patterns. I’m not looking after myself again, I’m back to binge eating, I just feel like if I don’t watch it I’ll just give up trying to change my life and all this pain will be for nothing. I feel out of control. How did you create meaning in your life after limerence? How did you fill in the void?

Name
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Re: How did you create meaning in your life after limerence?

Post by Name » Tue Jun 11, 2019 8:21 pm

I let her be my meaning

Image

I'll become as impressive as I can for her, and if in 20 years I fail then I will still be impressive and will settle for some one else. The meaning comes from bettering myself.

marko
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Re: How did you create meaning in your life after limerence?

Post by marko » Tue Jun 11, 2019 10:35 pm

I think this will be all over the place and the type of LE person you are will change the answer. I'm pretty devastated in all I learned and uncovered. As a lifelong distraction it's not as simple as getting my life back. In many ways I limerenced my way through life in an attempt to feel the unobtainable. I say it that way because at no time do I feel settled. I think I even tried to over settle to convince myself I could. It does settle, but not the way it should. I can think of LO's for hours, I can excersise and well, focus on anything in a distractive, instead of fulfilling way. I still rely on my religion for meaning and certainly have gained nothing but compassion on all the ways we suffer through life. Humbling for sure. I feel better when I volunteer and do something for another, but it always lingers that everything felt better before, always tempered that a delusion should probably not be labeled as delusional. Maybe most live in this dreary way and we figured a way at seeing it for what it is. Stay busy when it gets bad is about all I got, it catches you and eats you when you slow down.

daydreamer
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Re: How did you create meaning in your life after limerence?

Post by daydreamer » Wed Jun 12, 2019 2:06 pm

i vividly remember that emptiness in the first 2 months of NC and a bit in the one more month of LO. the truth is the LE overwhelms our dopamine centers and nothing is pleasurable after that anymore. it's a form of chemical anhedonia (feel free to google for that). i'm sure any recovering addict has it. eventually, it goes away. things that help: relaxation, mindfulness, meditations (there are so many types, fun to explore). The proper mindset helps: ie, this is my life and i'm the only one responsible to live to the fullest and be happy. you should NOT use other persons to make you happy, even if they are your SO or family or friends, etc.

YesNo, i hear you about overeating. since the LE ended, i put 10lbs back and i drink too much. my usual trigger is watching TV and being tired. knowing your triggers can help you fight it.
I'm limerence free and I'm not afraid of it anymore. I learn something new about myself and life everyday. There is hope and so much more. NC works. Be free, be happy! In retrospect, the LE was about the best thing that happened in my life.

daydreamer
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Re: How did you create meaning in your life after limerence?

Post by daydreamer » Thu Jun 13, 2019 2:37 pm

one more thing: i just remembered something else: psychedelics. they open a dimension of personality you didn't know it existed and enrich your life, even when used just once. used in a moderate dose and under a supervision is extremely safe.
I'm limerence free and I'm not afraid of it anymore. I learn something new about myself and life everyday. There is hope and so much more. NC works. Be free, be happy! In retrospect, the LE was about the best thing that happened in my life.

L-F
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Re: How did you create meaning in your life after limerence?

Post by L-F » Mon Jun 17, 2019 10:49 am

How did you create meaning in your life after limerence?

By living it. Marko captures it perfectly. When you realize you've daydreamed your way thru life, waking up to this notion doesn't fix anything. Reality isn't necessarily the greener pasture. But its authentic. Painfully so.

And that the beauty of life.

You can choose to live a life of delusions (whilst not being delusional) as Marko pointed out. Meaning, you can consciously choose to numb yourself for the test of your life by transferring limerence from one object to the next. Or you can learn to live outside of limerence. It's not glamorous, but it's real. Real people who reciprocate real love. And real self-love of flawed self. No need to pretend everything should be perfect because it's not and never will be.

I don't crave LO. I have rare moments where I miss her. But that's about it. I'll happily accept her back into my life as a friend. After all, limerence was my problem, not hers.

To answer your question, I'm too busy living life to worry about what LO is doing. I'm constantly creating and recreating meaning by putting my energy back where it belongs.
Have conquered limerence. I'm no expert but have learnt enough to know where to look for answers.
Limerence Net helped to heal my heart which led to forgiving my abusers ❤

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