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What does it feel like to have reciprocated limerance

Open forum ... what's on your mind? Want to vent or lament about your Limerent/Love Object? This is the ideal place.
Pattihopeful
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What does it feel like to have reciprocated limerance

Post by Pattihopeful » Sun Jun 09, 2019 3:13 am

I am just wondering what it feels like to your limerance reciprocated? I so strongly desire this and am struggling with rejection. I seem to go about 3 day without contact and then the reality hits.

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tnthomas
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Re: What does it feel like to have reciprocated limerance

Post by tnthomas » Sun Jun 09, 2019 3:54 am

Pattihopeful wrote:
Sun Jun 09, 2019 3:13 am
I am just wondering what it feels like to your limerance reciprocated? I so strongly desire this and am struggling with rejection. I seem to go about 3 day without contact and then the reality hits.
This would be my fondest fantasy....I just ran the reciprocation scenario through my brain earlier today, on the way back from the hardware store. One of countless "conversations" with her, in my head.

In real life however: about 25 years ago a get-together with my LO turned into a red hot affair, ended up marrying her....only to divorce a couple years later....with life completely in ruins.

But in this instance I was the only limerent, my LO turned out to be just an opportunistic...sociopath I guess, for lack of a more accurate description.
...looking for the way out.

Pattihopeful
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Re: What does it feel like to have reciprocated limerance

Post by Pattihopeful » Sun Jun 09, 2019 4:12 am

Thanks for weighing in. That sure wasn't a good outcome. I am sorry you had to go through all of that. I know so many people would get hurt but it doesn't stop me from dreaming.

It stinks for sure. I wish I knew why I was this way and why I am desiring to stay in it rather than let go. If I let go it will hurt. But its also hurting me to stay.

NewDay
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Re: What does it feel like to have reciprocated limerance

Post by NewDay » Sun Jun 09, 2019 2:17 pm

I had reciprocated limerence. Being together was unrealistic - I was married and 15 years older than him. I feel like it could have gone one of two ways, neither of them good. The way it went which was that after a 6 month emotional affair we went NC and I have been obsessed with him ever since. Or we could have acted on it and then I would have lost my family and still not ended up with him because we were never really going to be good together. It was in our imagination. We were each “saving” the other’s broken parts. I’m back working with him now after 5 years and now I obsess over whether or not it’s mutual anymore. He has done some things that would indicate that but I’m not going down that path again. So now I obsess about what he’s thinking. So, in a nutshell, mutual limerence is not all it’s cracked up to be!!

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Re: What does it feel like to have reciprocated limerance

Post by AnnieKaye9924 » Sun Jun 09, 2019 6:55 pm

NewDay wrote:
Sun Jun 09, 2019 2:17 pm
I had reciprocated limerence. Being together was unrealistic - I was married and 15 years older than him. I feel like it could have gone one of two ways, neither of them good. The way it went which was that after a 6 month emotional affair we went NC and I have been obsessed with him ever since. Or we could have acted on it and then I would have lost my family and still not ended up with him because we were never really going to be good together. It was in our imagination. We were each “saving” the other’s broken parts. I’m back working with him now after 5 years and now I obsess over whether or not it’s mutual anymore. He has done some things that would indicate that but I’m not going down that path again. So now I obsess about what he’s thinking. So, in a nutshell, mutual limerence is not all it’s cracked up to be!!
Agree. Reciprocation is never enough. You always want more and more. It’s difficult to get what you thought you wanted for all this time & still be disappointed.

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Re: What does it feel like to have reciprocated limerance

Post by NewDay » Sun Jun 09, 2019 7:05 pm

AnnieKaye - you are so right. I remember saying “if he just tells me one more time that he still wants me I can go off in peace and put an end to this.” But it was never enough. He would tel me he wanted me. Then the high from that would wear off and then I’d want it again. It’s just a hit of a drug. It’s not based on a mutual relationship. It’s based on mutual emptiness so nothing can fill it.

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Re: What does it feel like to have reciprocated limerance

Post by marko » Sun Jun 09, 2019 9:32 pm

Mine began with reciprocation. I'm not exaggerating but in 25+ years my wife never complimented me. A strange young attractive co-worket tells me I'm handsome and I'm in. It started a circle of mutual compliments and I never felt so good in all my life. I think it's more of a present comparative in that I never felt truly desired by someone. Even in that, your head swirled over what was real, and what was fun as I'm sure it made her feel better as well. So it never caused a second of peace. Once she hinted she was the solution to all my problems and I still can't let that go--was it real, was it a come on, what what what what.
It also uncovered that unless I'm receiving compliments, I probably won't give one--again, self has to take center stage.

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Re: What does it feel like to have reciprocated limerance

Post by Cookie » Mon Jun 10, 2019 12:26 am

You'd think it would feel great, but it just ups the ante for self-doubt once the LO disappears, gets bored, or just doesn't reciprocate at the (crazy, obsessive, unrealistic) level that you do. And if you've got an SO, it increases the anxiety because it's closer to an actual affair...or gets there quickly. Annie is right on the money = mutual emptiness.

The answer isn't in getting an LO's reciprocation, it's finding out why YOU need it so badly.
Person

Pattihopeful
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Re: What does it feel like to have reciprocated limerance

Post by Pattihopeful » Mon Jun 10, 2019 6:38 pm

Thanks for your perspective, everyone! Marko I can totally relate to the compliments being a high. My SO not great at this and having affirming words, not appearance related or flirtatious, put me above the clouds. I thought this guy loves me. And then crash. I never considered that if they reciprocate, it doesn't mean they will always stay or that it would never be enough. I need to figure out why I feel I need his love or attraction to me.

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Re: What does it feel like to have reciprocated limerance

Post by tnthomas » Tue Jun 11, 2019 12:04 am

Compliments! That is so potent a "drug", much more certain than "those looks", which can be interpreted incorrectly.

Thinking back, my LO has paid me numerous compliments, which although innocent on her part, is electric for me. I've never really received compliments from causal acquaintances, or 'other' female type friends or whatever. Of course now that my brain has been bathed in Oxytocin from her kind words, I'm now a slave for more. :ymsigh:
...looking for the way out.

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