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Fricking Perfect

Open forum ... what's on your mind? Want to vent or lament about your Limerent/Love Object? This is the ideal place.
MrSpock
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Fricking Perfect

Post by MrSpock » Fri May 17, 2019 3:23 pm

Hi,

I just wanted to share the following, which will mostly come out as I write it.

Last night I had a big relapse. In the usual 10 minutes overlap between classes I couldn't stop looking at her, like all the time. Nor could I stop myself from thinking how beautiful, hot, sweet and perfect she is. Fortunately, she avoided me like she has consistently done these past few weeks, so I don't even think she noticed it. But this is a big relapse because I was not doing that at all. In fact last week I was even thinking that I'm not sure I feel the same anymore (and today I'm like, yea sure, keep telling yourself that).

Anyway, I'm taking the morning off so I can regroup. I went over the whole thing, pretty much coming to the same usual conclusions. Like how I'm addicted to her, how I need to find a way to rewire my brain, how I can trace the same addiction to lots and lots of triggers every time I see a smoking hot girl on the streets, or on a publicity, etc.. but there is one thing that I still can't find a work around for: how I keep thinking she's just fucking perfect.

It doesn't help that our interactions (reduced to none these days) have always been so limited that she is like a perfect character in a movie I keep watching every time I see her. I'm sure that if I had any real conversation with her, or watch her on different scenarios, I would see how she's just like anyone else. But just like a celebrity, I keep seeing the same limited perfect version of her.

So, I was trying to approach that from different angles, like, what if she is perfect? we can't be together, whether because I'm married or because she doesn't want me. But that is like starring at the perfect beach house from a lousy tent trying to convince yourself that if you can't have it, you don't need it.

Then I tried to convince myself that she isn't perfect even if I cannot see that. But again, that's like trying to convince yourself that those knocks in the middle of the night aren't a ghost. It doesn't matter how reasonable that is, or how likely is not a ghost because they don't exist, for as long as you can't be certain, you'll keep entertaining an idea if you have any bias, like I have here. So that doesn't work either.

---

But interestingly, while I was thinking all of that, I was eating the most perfect chocolate cake ever. Seriously, there is this place I drive to, exclusively just to eat this cake. Hands down, it has no comparison by far with any other cake I'd ever eaten in my life. It really is absolutely perfect.

So I thought, this cake is her. Or at least I think it is. And I can try to convince myself that she isn't, but perfection like this cake does exist, I have proof right here, so, what if she is perfection? how am I supposed to turn my back to that?

But then it hit me... I go to that place like 4 or 5 times a year. And is about 15 blocks from my house. So, if that really is the perfect cake, hands down, how come is not really that important, so much not that I don't take the time to have a piece except on rare occasions like, when I feel, as today, that I really need a special treat? well, it hit me that, is not really important because after all is just a cake. No matter how perfect it is, is still just a cake.

So I wondered... could I apply the same logic to LO? could I see that even if she is, comparatively, objectively, perfect, it doesn't really matter because at the end of the day is just another person?

How can just one, single person be that important? how could she being perfect mean so much? I thought that it doesn't make sense because we relate to many people, not just one. And if I'm being honest, I really love the freedom that comes with not attaching too much to anyone. So, doesn't attaching way too much to this one single person, even if it is because she is perfect, goes against that freedom I actually love so much? Well, obviously yes, it totally goes against it.

It seems that rather than trying to see that she is not perfect, I could try to see that it doesn't really matter if she is, because she is just another person.

And, if I wonder how come this one particular person, out of everyone else I know, seems so important, I can immediately see how it connects back to my parents, because if there is anyone in a person's life that really is, objectively, critically important, is our parents (or whoever our primary caregivers were).

So, maybe she is perfect, but it doesn't matter, because she is just a girl, not my mother.

marko
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Re: Fricking Perfect

Post by marko » Fri May 17, 2019 4:03 pm

Just cake?, how's the buns

NVTS
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Fiji

Re: Fricking Perfect

Post by NVTS » Fri May 17, 2019 4:27 pm

1/2 knowledge is very dangerous!!

Spock you’ve idealized someone you know very little about. I’ve idealized someone whom I’ve gotten to know a little deeper. Not sure which is worse.

The perfect chocolate cake: is still fattening if one indulges too often and seeing that you have an athletic streak; not conducive to your lifestyle.

Said cake+u kno who.........., sorry thought that was funny
M-47-married
LO- married 48,work colleagues

MrSpock
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Location: Buenos Aires, Argentina
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Re: Fricking Perfect

Post by MrSpock » Fri May 17, 2019 4:31 pm

marko wrote:
Fri May 17, 2019 4:03 pm
Just cake?, how's the buns
LOL, actually never tried them.. this place is a "chocolate house". If I ever want to kill myself, I just need to get there and eat all the many forms of chocolate it has to offer :)

MrSpock
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Re: Fricking Perfect

Post by MrSpock » Fri May 17, 2019 4:41 pm

NVTS wrote:
Fri May 17, 2019 4:27 pm
1/2 knowledge is very dangerous!!

Spock you’ve idealized someone you know very little about. I’ve idealized someone whom I’ve gotten to know a little deeper. Not sure which is worse.

The perfect chocolate cake: is still fattening if one indulges too often and seeing that you have an athletic streak; not conducive to your lifestyle.

Said cake+u kno who.........., sorry thought that was funny
Exactly. And I thought I was done with the idealization when she switched from friendly to cold, but didn't last it seems!

You just made me realize that one of the reasons, perhaps the main reason, for going there just a few times a year is very precisely that it goes completely against my lifestyle. I try not to eat crap, specially sugar.
But then, if I can stay clear of such chocolate perfection, considering that I am... or used to be, a sucker for chocolate, just to stay healthy, I should stay clear of LO for the very same reason, even if it is mental and emotional health.

daydreamer
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Re: Fricking Perfect

Post by daydreamer » Fri May 17, 2019 5:43 pm

i like the discussion. LO vs sweets. both addictive and not good for you in the long run. i was able to wean myself out of both carb addiction and limerence (not at the same time, LOL). what helped me with carbs, i visualized white sugar as a white powder that is basically a poison, just like cyanide powder or such. with limerence, i concentrated on imperfect aspects of my LO and forced myself to think of that all the time.
MrSpock, since you don't know her much, you can concentrate on her coldness and indifference toward you. if that fails, visualize what would happen to your family if you decided to fully pursue the LO. imagine a broken family, unhappy kids, ruined finances and eventually the LO meets a younger and fitter man and breaks up with you.

Idiotic
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Re: Fricking Perfect

Post by Idiotic » Fri May 17, 2019 6:20 pm

I agree with what Spock said himself, it doesn't matter of she is perfect or not. It doesn't matter cos she doesn't want anything to do with him, and she made it clear. And this is great cos now you KNOW , how much of all that was in your head man.
You'll get over it, somehow... Or even of you won't. You'll learn to live with it.
Boy...youre gonna carry that weight, carry that weight, a long time - Golden Slumbers(The Beatles)

mamasita
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Re: Fricking Perfect

Post by mamasita » Fri May 17, 2019 6:37 pm

I am sorry Mr Spock.
I can relate. Even when faced with the reality, I tend to allow time to pass and then the fantasies start back.
I try to avoid LO and eventually the thoughts come back on their own. Idealization ramps itself up and the bad memories/reality slips away like it never existed. I spend time around him and I get new material to ruminate over. On and on. It feels like it never ends.
I continue to try different tactics, and they all have the potential to help or hurt.

Like you told me, what you want for HER has to be more than what you want FROM her.

When I remind myself of this, I typically feel like a good person for a bit, while resigning my desires for him in favor of his happiness and his free will.
Other days I think about how much love I could give him and how happy I could make him and he won't even let me try. It's so hard.

MrSpock
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Location: Buenos Aires, Argentina
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Re: Fricking Perfect

Post by MrSpock » Fri May 17, 2019 11:51 pm

daydreamer wrote:
Fri May 17, 2019 5:43 pm
MrSpock, since you don't know her much, you can concentrate on her coldness and indifference toward you. if that fails, visualize what would happen to your family if you decided to fully pursue the LO. imagine a broken family, unhappy kids, ruined finances and eventually the LO meets a younger and fitter man and breaks up with you.
Right. Her coldness and indifference towards me seems to work. Well, at least it used to work. This Sunday there is the tournament, so for the first time I ever I'll spend like a whole day with her around. We'll see if that still works.

If not, I can always visualize the apocalypses :)

MrSpock
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Joined: Thu Dec 07, 2017 11:39 pm
Location: Buenos Aires, Argentina
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Argentina

Re: Fricking Perfect

Post by MrSpock » Fri May 17, 2019 11:53 pm

Idiotic wrote:
Fri May 17, 2019 6:20 pm
I agree with what Spock said himself, it doesn't matter of she is perfect or not. It doesn't matter cos she doesn't want anything to do with him, and she made it clear. And this is great cos now you KNOW , how much of all that was in your head man.
You'll get over it, somehow... Or even of you won't. You'll learn to live with it.
Exactly. At least now I KNOW. Is interesting how it actually doesn't seem to hurt more than when I used to think we could have had something if the conditions were different.

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