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How do you get over the loss of your own life?

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Can'tSleep

How do you get over the loss of your own life?

Post by Can'tSleep » Tue May 14, 2019 6:57 pm

I am in the middle of attempting NC. I have made it a week so far. Aside from the pain that comes with missing LO and missing the highs that are associated with him my biggest issue is mourning the seconds, days, weeks, months and years of my life that limerence took from me. Do I just say oh well, nothing I can do about it now? I think part of me didn't want to let go of limerence and go NC for this very reason. It was like I was holding on to it in the hopes that maybe this time, this moment, this day will be different. Something will happen to make my limerence justified. Maybe there will be some kind of concrete sign or evidence that he feels the way that I do and all that time won't have been completely wasted. I can't go NC because WHAT IF? Otherwise I have put so much time, thought and energy into something that was never, ever anything. Life is so short and I've ruined a significant chunk of mine. I'm having a really hard time with that.

Idiotic
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Re: How do you get over the loss of your own life?

Post by Idiotic » Tue May 14, 2019 8:26 pm

Can'tSleep wrote:
Tue May 14, 2019 6:57 pm
Otherwise I have put so much time, thought and energy into something that was never, ever anything. Life is so short and I've ruined a significant chunk of mine. I'm having a really hard time with that.
Well thats mostly it isnt it.. finding out it was for nothing. Not everything is 'meaningful' and 'purposive' , sometimes you pick a path and its a dead end. Find another path and pick up your journey again or keep staring at the wall in front of you.
One thing doesnt always lead to something else.You learnt a few things from the experience and thats that.

I dont mean to be so depressive, but be strong to let go :ymhug: @};-
Boy...youre gonna carry that weight, carry that weight, a long time - Golden Slumbers(The Beatles)

Helpmeplease
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Re: How do you get over the loss of your own life?

Post by Helpmeplease » Tue May 14, 2019 8:30 pm

I lost nearly 18m but gained insight into me. What a lot of time and effort to get that insight :(
I think the other way - I never want to do that again what a waste ofy life , taking the positives and forgiving the negatives.
You have to be kind to your self and hard with your self at the right moments

AnnieKaye9924
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Re: How do you get over the loss of your own life?

Post by AnnieKaye9924 » Wed May 15, 2019 1:57 am

I get it. I have had similar feelings. I have been limerent during some major life events, for example, my last year of grad school & graduation. When I look back at pictures during this time or think about these events, I don’t really remember the LE, to be honest. I mean, I remember that it happened but it is not associated with any emotion at all.

I was deep in one episode when I went on an anniversary vacation with my husband. I literally just now thought of that, though, I texted my LO as I was leaving & he never texted back. I have to make myself remember these examples for this post; they don’t cloud my memories.

With time you will heal & it won’t feel as acutely painful as it does now.

Yesnomaybeso
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Re: How do you get over the loss of your own life?

Post by Yesnomaybeso » Wed May 15, 2019 2:04 pm

Think of it this way. You’ve found something out about yourself that you didn’t know previously. Honestly.. reciprocation isn’t the only way Limerence has meaning. Once you fully commit to NC you will see that. You can live without your LO, and you can have a good life too. I’m working on that myself rn, and regardless of the pain and feeling like my life is a mess I wouldn’t trade it for the world because I’ve actually learnt a great deal about myself thanks to this thing.

marko
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Re: How do you get over the loss of your own life?

Post by marko » Wed May 15, 2019 5:07 pm

I have wondered about a non LE life. I enjoyed it for so long that I sometimes have to consider the good points. As kind of a life long thing, I also can't understand any other way of thinking. Then of course you think you may be fooling yourself on any of it being good. How low we are willing to go.

Cookie
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Re: How do you get over the loss of your own life?

Post by Cookie » Thu May 16, 2019 1:57 am

Can'tSleep wrote:
Tue May 14, 2019 6:57 pm
Life is so short and I've ruined a significant chunk of mine. I'm having a really hard time with that.
It's consumed most of my adult life. Obviously, there are regrets.

But a couple of things that have helped:
-- Beating ourselves up for the past is part of the pain cycle, and probably part of latent childhood guilt.
-- No one asks to be limerent! It's the result of our past and/or DNA, possibly both, but it's not a choice.
-- Looking back and replaying things gets us further away from living in the moment, so we lose even more time.
-- F O R G I V E N E S S

I also find it inspiring to read or watch interviews with people who have lost "chunks" of time for various reasons. Most often, it's prisoners and such, but sometimes those who have lost custody of their kids because of alcohol and drug abuse. It's amazing to me the joy they find in each day.

I won't lie...I let LE creep in way too many times and for way too long without addressing it head on. But I don't want it to rob me and my family of any more time.
Female, age 52
Limerent for as long as I can remember
Have had 7 "real" LOs in the last 25 years
(...had a recent 8, but he was easy to release. Progress?!)
Last real LO is male, age 44, married AND has another GF!

Leo
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Re: How do you get over the loss of your own life?

Post by Leo » Thu May 16, 2019 3:26 am

You can do a very good thing - Make sure this will never happen again. Please understand this - people with limerence ALWAYS attract narcissists. That is why we suffer. Its because we are always atracted for people who secretly want to be worshiped but NEVER are willing to give something in return.

Understand what I said and never again fall into the trap of a limerence.
Recognize the initial signs of your limeriness and never let those feelings grow for a new LO, that in fact is just a matter of time.

Bridget
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Re: How do you get over the loss of your own life?

Post by Bridget » Sat May 18, 2019 2:52 am

Can'tSleep wrote:
Tue May 14, 2019 6:57 pm
I think part of me didn't want to let go of limerence and go NC for this very reason. It was like I was holding on to it in the hopes that maybe this time, this moment, this day will be different. Something will happen to make my limerence justified. Maybe there will be some kind of concrete sign or evidence that he feels the way that I do and all that time won't have been completely wasted. I can't go NC because WHAT IF? Otherwise I have put so much time, thought and energy into something that was never, ever anything. Life is so short and I've ruined a significant chunk of mine. I'm having a really hard time with that.
This kind of thinking prolonged my LE for years, I believe. All the time and energy I invested couldn't be for nothing, could it!?! What if I stop loving him and then he reaches out to me? What if I stop reaching out to him and he becomes available, but thinks I'm not interested?

When I learned how many other limerent folks had such similar experiences to mine, I realized that it was all a brain glitch and gained the courage to go completely NC. (Honestly, a part of me may always hope for reconnection with LO, but if that is really meant to be, NC won't stop it from happening.)

I no longer regret the LE. It was what it was, and life goes on. As Cookie said, forgiveness was critical to getting here, as was recognizing that LE is due to my brain chemistry and not a flaw in my intellect or moral character.

Good luck!

Yesnomaybeso
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Re: How do you get over the loss of your own life?

Post by Yesnomaybeso » Sat May 18, 2019 4:28 pm

I think we all “waste” moments of our lives doing things that don’t particularly help us but that’s just part of life. I severely doubt anyone that has gone through the pain of limerence hasn’t grown even a little bit. This changes a person, and if you let it, changes you for the better. I’ve felt this way too but now because of NC I can look at a distance and be thankful. You will get there too. Hang in there.

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