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Well thats mostly it isnt it.. finding out it was for nothing. Not everything is 'meaningful' and 'purposive' , sometimes you pick a path and its a dead end. Find another path and pick up your journey again or keep staring at the wall in front of you.Can'tSleep wrote: ↑Tue May 14, 2019 6:57 pmOtherwise I have put so much time, thought and energy into something that was never, ever anything. Life is so short and I've ruined a significant chunk of mine. I'm having a really hard time with that.
One thing doesnt always lead to something else.You learnt a few things from the experience and thats that.
I dont mean to be so depressive, but be strong to let go
- Posts: 450
- Joined: Thu Sep 06, 2018 12:25 pm
I think the other way - I never want to do that again what a waste ofy life , taking the positives and forgiving the negatives.
You have to be kind to your self and hard with your self at the right moments
- Posts: 107
- Joined: Sun Mar 24, 2019 8:22 pm
I was deep in one episode when I went on an anniversary vacation with my husband. I literally just now thought of that, though, I texted my LO as I was leaving & he never texted back. I have to make myself remember these examples for this post; they don’t cloud my memories.
With time you will heal & it won’t feel as acutely painful as it does now.
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- Posts: 1415
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- Posts: 539
- Joined: Wed Sep 27, 2017 4:08 pm
It's consumed most of my adult life. Obviously, there are regrets.Can'tSleep wrote: ↑Tue May 14, 2019 6:57 pmLife is so short and I've ruined a significant chunk of mine. I'm having a really hard time with that.
But a couple of things that have helped:
-- Beating ourselves up for the past is part of the pain cycle, and probably part of latent childhood guilt.
-- No one asks to be limerent! It's the result of our past and/or DNA, possibly both, but it's not a choice.
-- Looking back and replaying things gets us further away from living in the moment, so we lose even more time.
-- F O R G I V E N E S S
I also find it inspiring to read or watch interviews with people who have lost "chunks" of time for various reasons. Most often, it's prisoners and such, but sometimes those who have lost custody of their kids because of alcohol and drug abuse. It's amazing to me the joy they find in each day.
I won't lie...I let LE creep in way too many times and for way too long without addressing it head on. But I don't want it to rob me and my family of any more time.
Limerent for as long as I can remember
Have had 7 "real" LOs in the last 25 years
(...had a recent 8, but he was easy to release. Progress?!)
Last real LO is male, age 44, married AND has another GF!
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- Joined: Fri May 03, 2019 3:15 am
Understand what I said and never again fall into the trap of a limerence.
Recognize the initial signs of your limeriness and never let those feelings grow for a new LO, that in fact is just a matter of time.
- Posts: 51
- Joined: Sat Mar 09, 2019 2:18 am
This kind of thinking prolonged my LE for years, I believe. All the time and energy I invested couldn't be for nothing, could it!?! What if I stop loving him and then he reaches out to me? What if I stop reaching out to him and he becomes available, but thinks I'm not interested?Can'tSleep wrote: ↑Tue May 14, 2019 6:57 pmI think part of me didn't want to let go of limerence and go NC for this very reason. It was like I was holding on to it in the hopes that maybe this time, this moment, this day will be different. Something will happen to make my limerence justified. Maybe there will be some kind of concrete sign or evidence that he feels the way that I do and all that time won't have been completely wasted. I can't go NC because WHAT IF? Otherwise I have put so much time, thought and energy into something that was never, ever anything. Life is so short and I've ruined a significant chunk of mine. I'm having a really hard time with that.
When I learned how many other limerent folks had such similar experiences to mine, I realized that it was all a brain glitch and gained the courage to go completely NC. (Honestly, a part of me may always hope for reconnection with LO, but if that is really meant to be, NC won't stop it from happening.)
I no longer regret the LE. It was what it was, and life goes on. As Cookie said, forgiveness was critical to getting here, as was recognizing that LE is due to my brain chemistry and not a flaw in my intellect or moral character.
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