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It ain't over till it's over???

Discussion about the way back.
eastwestgal
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It ain't over till it's over???

Post by eastwestgal » Mon Apr 29, 2019 7:08 pm

Hi,

I've come a long way mentally from where this began a year and a half ago. I just read most of the closure topic but I still have my own story to tell.

I left off with he said "please stop, let's take a break from each other". After highs and lows and him admitting his feelings for me multiple times over, but being married and saying he didn't want to cheat. But stringing me along for a wild ride of multiple ghostings, and yet so many intense moments where he looked at me with longing and even let me touch him without retracting. All culminating in 5 one on one get togethers where we spent hours talking. He would never meet alone, and then all of a sudden he did. And things ramped up. And he promised more lunches. Then seemingly took it away. As he retreated, I panicked, and brought up the future lunches on way too many occasions. He ghosted me after I sent a long emotional text, and ended it with the "please stop".

So I stopped. For 2 whole months. Then my 50th birthday hit, and I got very melancholy. I knew I wouldn't hear from him, but prayed I would. I survived the day without being too upset, but the next day was an emotional wreck since he didn't reach out. He knows how important my birthday (especially this one) was to me. So I sent him a text saying "he was the only one I had hoped to hear from yesterday, and I had wished he could put our differences aside for just one day". NO RESPONSE.

I agonized what to do for 5 days. Then the world ended. After that single text and nothing else, out of nowhere he blocked me on facebook, and blocked my email as well. Never tried to text but 99.9% sure that is blocked too.

It sent me reeling. I was absolutely hysterical. And angry. How could he do this to me? I hadn't been contacting him. I had posted a lot on fb. Fun pics from my 50th birthday trip, plus several other birthday related posts. So what, he didn't like seeing my posts? So unfollow me but BLOCK ME??? This is the equivalent of me not knowing if he is even alive or on planet earth.

So I used an alternate email address and sent him an email. I told him I need verbal closure. I told him he is acting immature, and that maybe just maybe a sane adult conversation so that we can both have closure would help. NO RESPONSE.

So the obvious responses here will be what they are in RL. The message is clear. But I feel like I have the right to say a few things and get a few answers. We went from almost kissing to him suddenly not handling it and cutting me out of his life in every way possible?

So, I know where he will be on Sunday. Without wife. I want to show up. I know it's psycho. I kind of don't care anymore. I want the answers I want. And that I deserve frankly.

end rant.
How I feel right now? "You're gonna catch a cold from the ice inside your soul"

49, F
LO 47 M

mamasita
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Re: It ain't over till it's over???

Post by mamasita » Mon Apr 29, 2019 7:31 pm

Isn't his lack of response enough? Why do you insist on more? And frankly, why are you so insistent that he owes you more?

He blocked you because he had likely moved on (it didn't take him nearly as long as it <may have> taken you).
Your insistence at a birthday wish likely terrified him. He thought you were finally done. And now you are ramping up the pressure out of nowhere.

I don't know every detail of your situation. But I do think that your expectation of what you are owed is way off the mark and outside of reality.

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CelestialBody
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Re: It ain't over till it's over???

Post by CelestialBody » Mon Apr 29, 2019 7:45 pm

You need to accept the fact that he wants nothing to do with you. Stop being selfish. It's not all about you. He could be following the advice of "no contact" and suffering just as much as you. Just stop. He owes you zero, nothing.

eastwestgal
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Re: It ain't over till it's over???

Post by eastwestgal » Mon Apr 29, 2019 7:57 pm

He doesn't "owe" me anything, but if you read my past posts this was abrupt and out of nowhere and after things had ramped up significantly. I got NO EXPLANATION of the ending. It just suddenly ended. One week prior we were meeting for future lunches. He obviously doesn't want or need the closure. But I do! I don't want to be back in his life but sorry after a year and a half of an emotional affair that ended with no current explanation (in the past he stated what he didn't want then completely contradicted himself), yes I am upset and would like a final conversation. Too fucking bad to take me on Mr. Toad's wild ride and then think you can walk away without saying a word?
How I feel right now? "You're gonna catch a cold from the ice inside your soul"

49, F
LO 47 M

eastwestgal
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Re: It ain't over till it's over???

Post by eastwestgal » Mon Apr 29, 2019 8:23 pm

And frankly mamasita and CB I was trying to be concise as there are people on here who know the whole story, and it's a lot to retell over and over. But perhaps before you lash out making me feel worse you should read up on what's transpired over the past year. I am in tremendous pain barely getting through my days from what he has put me through. So yes, I feel like I DESERVE better and a conversation.
How I feel right now? "You're gonna catch a cold from the ice inside your soul"

49, F
LO 47 M

mamasita
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Re: It ain't over till it's over???

Post by mamasita » Mon Apr 29, 2019 8:30 pm

I'm not asking you to re-tell the story. Most, if not all of us have a similar story. I wasn't intending to make you feel bad.

If you feel bad it may be because you are having expectations of someone who owes you NOTHING.

"My" LO made lots of broken promises to me too. It still makes no sense. But my intense NEED for him is my own problem.

The belief that he can tell you anything that will alleviate your pain is delusional. I'm sorry.

You say you've "come a long way mentally" but "still in tremendous pain barely getting through my day". So, my advice was to completely release him of your unrealistic expectations.

Just because someone starts a relationship with someone and then backs out, doesn't mean an explanation is deserved. It's NICE, but not deserved. Because people have the right to do what they want and they don't OWE you a WHY.

I want to know why too, FWIW. :-s
But I likely never will and I have to become okay with that too.
I am talking to you as someone by your side, not looking down on you.

@};- Blessings

eastwestgal
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Re: It ain't over till it's over???

Post by eastwestgal » Mon Apr 29, 2019 8:44 pm

okay mamasita. :((

Could you find a way to let me down slowly?
A little sympathy, I hope you can show me
If you wanna go then I'll be so lonely
If you're leaving baby let me down slowly

Let me down, down
Let me down, down
Let me down, let me down
Down, let me down, down
Let me down

If you wanna go then I'll be so lonely
If you're leaving baby let me down slowly

Cold skin, drag my feet on the tile
As I'm walking down the corridor
And I know we haven't talked in a while
So I'm looking for an open door

Don't cut me down, throw me out, leave me here to waste
I once was a man with dignity and grace
Now I'm slipping through the cracks of your cold embrace

So please, please
Could you find a way to let me down slowly?
A little sympathy, I hope you can show me
If you wanna go then I'll be so lonely
If you're leaving baby let me down slowly
How I feel right now? "You're gonna catch a cold from the ice inside your soul"

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daydreamer
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Re: It ain't over till it's over???

Post by daydreamer » Mon Apr 29, 2019 10:52 pm

eastwestgal wrote:
Mon Apr 29, 2019 7:57 pm
I got NO EXPLANATION of the ending. It just suddenly ended.
from what i understand (i don't do dating these days), "ghosting" is pretty much the norm. clearly it's a sign of immaturity, but very popular. i even broke of with a long term girfriend like that in my youth, because i could not look in her eyes. more recently, i reached out to my previous LO hoping to be just friends as limerance to her is long over. guess what, she ghosted me and closed her FB.
you have to look at his perspective, he was probably limerant toward yourself, and him burning the bridges was his way to assure NC. when i tried to recover from the most recent LE and started NC, i blocked her on whatsapp to avoid my own temptation.
if you keep insisting, he could send the law against you.

Spinnaker
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Re: It ain't over till it's over???

Post by Spinnaker » Mon Apr 29, 2019 11:56 pm

.
Last edited by Spinnaker on Tue Apr 30, 2019 5:22 am, edited 1 time in total.
“We are tied in a single garment of destiny. What affects one directly affects everyone indirectly”.
Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

AnnieKaye9924
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Re: It ain't over till it's over???

Post by AnnieKaye9924 » Tue Apr 30, 2019 12:13 am

Where’s your indignation?! “Please stop?!?!” OH HELL NO. I am angry for you, at him. He’s not worthy of another moment of your anguish. “Please stop.” Are you serious??!! He would NEVER hear from me again & if he ever approached me I would broken record him with “please stop” until he went away.

You have to stop. Men (generalizing, obviously) do not respond to needy, hysterical women. Ignore him, he’s not worth it. From his perspective, he did the RIGHT THING. He’s married. His stepped back. He led you on, sure. But what he was doing to his wife was far worse.

I’m so sorry you are in pain. Let your anger help you to see him for who he is. Don’t be a psycho. You will regret it.

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