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This Just Hurts

Tell us your story. What has been your experience?
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Joined: Tue Mar 12, 2019 5:41 pm

This Just Hurts

Post by ladybrook » Tue Mar 12, 2019 7:53 pm

I am not so sure I am anywhere that might help me understand . But I will tell my story anyway...the very short version. I am the wife of a man that appears to have had a mid-life crisis. We have been married over 30 years and have 4 grown children. He became discontent , angry and wanted "out of the marriage". Told me he has wanted out for "years". He NEVER said a word to me in all those years. He left our home, abandoned his children, quit his job, moved to another city and ...had an "affair' with an acquaintance of mine. This affair was going on for 6 months before he left and I was utterly clueless . "She" spoke with me, my kids ( all the while in a relationship with their father ) and must be soulless to be able to do what she did. I am struggling with PTSD , a sense of betrayal that I never even knew existed and deep deep shock and anguish. I have been told about "limerance" and that for a man to do this , he may be experiencing limerance. He was pretty clear that he no longer loved me , had not for years , never should have married me etc etc ... . Now ( 9 months later ) he "made a mistake". He wants forgiveness and to "fix " everything he broke. I am pretty sure it is not fixable. How would a wife EVER overcome the knowing that he had a passionate , sexual experience with another women ? The "movies " in my head could push a person to the edge , the lies, the blame ?? He must have "loved her " in some profound way to leave all of us behind. I could never replicate the entense experience I am guessing he had ... and who would want to ? Sickening. WHY? Why does this happen ? Who can overcome such devastation. He tells me he had some kind of "breakdown" and that "she" meant nothing . ( that disrespect to women makes me want to puek) ...given that I have daughters . He is in therapy , shows remorse, ( not nearly enough ) his affair - person thrown in the dumpster where he found her ... and now what ?

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Location: Buenos Aires, Argentina

Re: This Just Hurts

Post by MrSpock » Tue Mar 12, 2019 9:00 pm

Hi ladybrook.

Welcome to the forum. Your story is really sad and I'm really sorry both both of you. All I can tell you for now is that you need to think of him as an addict. As the worst kind of addict in fact.

It might help to read or watch about stories of drug addicts, how they turn from the perfect adorable kids into zombies willing to sell a liver for a fix, because what we suffer from is not that different.

Stay strong and try to read the stories here to see if you can begin to understand the torment we endure and for many here the life-changing mistakes that are done.


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Re: This Just Hurts

Post by daydreamer » Tue Mar 12, 2019 9:07 pm

is he able to open himself and explain exactly what he went though (in great details)?
if so, maybe there is a hope to save the relationship.
if not, no hope.
now, most people/friends will tell you to divorce, but you have to decide for yourself, if that's the best option for you.

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