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years of obsession and not letting go

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OCD guy

years of obsession and not letting go

Post by OCD guy » Tue Mar 12, 2019 5:53 pm

I think I had a limerence episode about 9 years ago, unfortunately it happened when I was in a stable relationship. Although I didn't feel any special nor excited when I saw LO the last time which was about 8 years ago (I thought I should have fully got over the LO at the time) . However I am still kinda obsessed about why it happened, and still thinking about this thing and checking on LO's social media extra for all these years. I am not sure if it's some kinda addiction or just a OCD issue. Maybe in my mind, this is something hasn't finished and for some reasons, I just can't let this go, maybe because I was feeling betrayed as I thought LO had feelings for me, but it has turned out that I was making myself look like a completely fool after LO's rejection.

Does anyone have the same experience of not letting go of the limerence experience even you are pretty sure that you have no more any special feelings toward your LO?

Thanks

OCD guy

NVTS
Posts: 424
Joined: Wed Sep 13, 2017 4:49 pm
Fiji

Re: years of obsession and not letting go

Post by NVTS » Wed Mar 13, 2019 2:01 am

Do bears shit in the woods?

Seriously, I am a serial limerent and my longest LE lasted for more than 20 years after any last contact. I would think about “S” every day some more than others but there wasn’t a day without a thought of her. It’s only after I transferred those feelings to the latest LE that this was my problem. Keep reading and posting. WELCOME!
M-47-married
LO- married 48,work colleagues

Cookie
Posts: 478
Joined: Wed Sep 27, 2017 4:08 pm
United States of America

Re: years of obsession and not letting go

Post by Cookie » Wed Mar 13, 2019 3:27 am

NVTS wrote:
Wed Mar 13, 2019 2:01 am
It’s only after I transferred those feelings to the latest LE that this was my problem.
Transference was the wake-up call for me as well. It’s your projections, not that “special” person. I’m on my 7th “special” person...

Addiction, OCD, all of that just fuels the flame. The flame within you, not between you and them.

Welcome, Bridget!
Female, age 52
Limerent for as long as I can remember
Have had 7 "real" LOs in the last 25 years
(...had a recent 8, but he was easy to release. Progress?!)
Last real LO is male, age 44, married AND has another GF!

Pudding
Posts: 730
Joined: Sat Oct 01, 2016 5:45 am
Canada

Re: years of obsession and not letting go

Post by Pudding » Wed Mar 13, 2019 10:55 am

Hmmm. I feel like I’m in a bit of a similar situation. I feel like I’m 95% over my LE after 3.5 years but my brain still keeps trying to grasp at straws and get that LE hit. It’s odd. I think my brain misses those feelings. It can trick me into thinking I’m still more limerent than I am.
F 38
LO is M 36, my son’s former teacher
LC beyond my control ~x(
LE began in the fall of 2015

Pierre
Posts: 70
Joined: Sat May 20, 2017 5:12 am
Sweden

Re: years of obsession and not letting go

Post by Pierre » Wed Mar 13, 2019 1:08 pm

Pudding wrote:
Wed Mar 13, 2019 10:55 am
Hmmm. I feel like I’m in a bit of a similar situation. I feel like I’m 95% over my LE after 3.5 years but my brain still keeps trying to grasp at straws and get that LE hit. It’s odd. I think my brain misses those feelings. It can trick me into thinking I’m still more limerent than I am.
We’re in the same boat, Pudding. I remember your posts from a few years ago. Back when this thing started for me and I discovered this forum. I think your posts stood out for me because I got the feeling that you were in a similar stage of Limerence as me. Possibly we’re in a similar stage now.
It feels as though I’m bored with the whole thing yet out of habit I still try to read meanings to LO’s actions.
It’s as though she’s etched into my brain yet I know full well that there’s nothing exceptional about her.

Maddie
Posts: 797
Joined: Fri Feb 02, 2018 1:09 am
Gender:
United States of America

Re: years of obsession and not letting go

Post by Maddie » Wed Mar 13, 2019 2:10 pm

Pudding wrote:
Wed Mar 13, 2019 10:55 am
Hmmm. I feel like I’m in a bit of a similar situation. I feel like I’m 95% over my LE after 3.5 years but my brain still keeps trying to grasp at straws and get that LE hit. It’s odd. I think my brain misses those feelings. It can trick me into thinking I’m still more limerent than I am.
Ditto everything in this thread. I am happy to report that for the first time EVER I do not need to have some sort of special connection to him. Still daily thinking of him, and my brain grasping at straws still...."signs" maybe that he did care...I know that I have OCD and I struggle with intrusive thoughts anyway, but before LE, it was never about anyone specific. The main thing that bothers me is that he's not deserving of the amount of time that I think of him (not hating on him and it's surely not his fault). I am having to accept tiny bits of progress along the way. The ppl on forum have helped tremendously and have been patient. sometimes progress is painfully sloooooow....I also came to the point once that I was just fascinated by the topic of LE and not so much LO. Will I be better off having had this experience? I think so. If nothing else, prior to this, I'd never gotten to experience mania like I did in limerence :))
39, F
LO, 50 , M
Mental health is an ongoing commitment to reality at all costs-- (M Scott Peck)

daydreamer
Posts: 231
Joined: Wed Nov 07, 2018 5:44 pm
Gender:
United States of America

Re: years of obsession and not letting go

Post by daydreamer » Wed Mar 13, 2019 5:54 pm

Maddie wrote:
Wed Mar 13, 2019 2:10 pm
I'd never gotten to experience mania like I did in limerence :))
LOL!!! I even briefly considered that I'm a late boomer bipolar because of that. I actually had to take a low dose anti-mania medication to calm me down.

OCD guy

Re: years of obsession and not letting go

Post by OCD guy » Wed Mar 13, 2019 8:05 pm

Thanks a lot for each of your response, I really apprecaite all of your comments, all these years I think the obsession has gradually become a habit or ritual. I spoke with some OCD therapist, they were not sure if this is 100% OCD related, as feel I am more obsessed over the event or the time I've spent figuring out why or how rather than over that particular person. I guess by researching on the cause of LE or how it has last this long has become the center of my obsession and by doing so, it somehow provides me with some dopamine or satisfaction, which could be an addiction just like Limerence itself I think.

I guess as an OCD person, this is just something I have to learn to deal with. Hopefully one day I can fully put this all behind my mind.

OCD guy

marko
Posts: 1379
Joined: Sun Feb 26, 2017 4:20 pm
United States of America

Re: years of obsession and not letting go

Post by marko » Thu Mar 14, 2019 1:45 am

I can't let go of anything, so my LE run and duck spills into other relationships and event or places. I long for the good old days and don't let go. I glamorize the past as another way to hide.

Bridget
Posts: 11
Joined: Sat Mar 09, 2019 2:18 am
Gender:
United States of America

Re: years of obsession and not letting go

Post by Bridget » Thu Mar 14, 2019 3:15 am

I don’t think of myself as ocd, but I have come to realize that I’m not good at letting go of some things. This is especially true of resentments, I’m sorry to say. In some ways, I’m easygoing and accepting of mistakes, but when I get fed up, you might as well forget about getting back into my good graces. And so I’m still angry with my mother for not protecting me when I was a child and for using my love for her to manipulate me.

Of course, my mothers shortcomings are related to my attachment issues, that in turn leave me limerence-prone. No surprise then that I have a hard time letting go of people I love and I give them more of myself than is healthy. It’s easy to do that because my limerant brain creates blind spots and convinces me that if I’m good enough, they will eventually love me in the way I know they can. Until it gets to be too much and I have to be rid of them. But that can take decades to fully run its course, unless a new LE emerges.

/:)

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