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Divorced, Moved Out, Moving Forward

Discussion about the way back.
AMA210
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Re: Divorced, Moved Out, Moving Forward

Post by AMA210 »

Two months have passed and I am really much more content with my life now. I am working on balancing everything. The joint custody schedule was changed a lot and reworked. My daughter told me that if she had a choice, she would stay with dad all of the time. I told her it won't be that way until she is 18. She is 14 now. She hates me (told to my face) and has no interest in any relationship. All of us, including my ex, are going to try therapy in June, when school is done.

My home environment is very peaceful. I live in a side by side townhouse, so if I need anything fixed, my landlord is really good about it--very proactive, and he lives right next door. I am surrounded by trees--birch, maple, pine, oak and nestled within so much green. I put up some bird feeders and one is right outside my window.

I enjoy my job. It's mentally challenging. I meet lots of people and I work with disabled adults. It's a completely different world.

I continue to focus on myself. I never thought that I would get to this post LE stage. It's all good. :D
LE was 22 months...LO catalyst for awakening, in which I chose divorce (after 27 years of marriage)
Very happy and content with my new beginning

NVTS
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Joined: Wed Sep 13, 2017 4:49 pm
Fiji

Re: Divorced, Moved Out, Moving Forward

Post by NVTS »

I find your story the inverse of mine. I have asked myself if this marriage doesn’t work out, can I be alone? I think that I would need at least a year of alone time. LO is just not available and even if she were to break up with her husband, I shudder to think about the state of mind of her kids.

I am more accepting of the “soulmate” role she played; vis-a-vis with the Elizabeth Gilbert description. She was put in my life to show me something profound about myself.

Please continue to enjoy your solitude, your kids will come around in time, have you had an opportunity to explain your side of things with your kids? Depending on the age it may be difficult, praying for you AMA!
When all else fails;
READ THE INSTRUCTIONS!

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David
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Re: Divorced, Moved Out, Moving Forward

Post by David »

This post reminds me there are few if any happy endings when it comes to limerence. Until we learn to live with and love ourselves and emotionally detach from our significant others, we will never individuate and become whole.

Its seems as if its journey fewer and fewer seem to have the desire to undertake. I cant help but wonder if life's increasing distractions plays into this?

I salute your courage AMA and I hope you find the healing you so deserve.
Do you want help with limerence from the founder of this site?
I'm a qualified counsellor, psychotherapist, medical practitioner and leadership coach.
To book a session see http://loverelations.co.uk/on-line-support-for-limerence-from-dr-david-perl/

L-F
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Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
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Re: Divorced, Moved Out, Moving Forward

Post by L-F »

WOOO-HOOOOOO BABY! :o) :ymparty: \:D/

So friggin happy for you! I'd love to visit for a ~o) Seriously! I'll grab Spin and we can all have a chinwag about our crazy days and L Net and go to a concert. We can go to your favourite restaurant and eat whatever we want! 🍰🍝

Hope you got your muscle car! You've come a long way and I'm so very happy that you are happy in your own space.

Wishing you all the best with family therapy.
👏💪🤗
"What we all want, really, is to be loved.
That craving drives our worst behavior." Jodi Picoult
@};-

bhicks
Posts: 416
Joined: Wed Apr 09, 2014 4:24 am
Wales

Re: Divorced, Moved Out, Moving Forward

Post by bhicks »

AMA210 wrote:
Sun May 05, 2019 9:25 pm
Two months have passed and I am really much more content with my life now. I am working on balancing everything. The joint custody schedule was changed a lot and reworked. My daughter told me that if she had a choice, she would stay with dad all of the time. I told her it won't be that way until she is 18. She is 14 now. She hates me (told to my face) and has no interest in any relationship. All of us, including my ex, are going to try therapy in June, when school is done.

My home environment is very peaceful. I live in a side by side townhouse, so if I need anything fixed, my landlord is really good about it--very proactive, and he lives right next door. I am surrounded by trees--birch, maple, pine, oak and nestled within so much green. I put up some bird feeders and one is right outside my window.

I enjoy my job. It's mentally challenging. I meet lots of people and I work with disabled adults. It's a completely different world.

I continue to focus on myself. I never thought that I would get to this post LE stage. It's all good. :D
Good for you! I absolutely applaud your courage and sticking up for your truth. I recently did the same thing, and so glad that I did, once I was able to move out and experience the peace, but it must be very hard with children. I hope the therapy has helped you all move forward.

AMA210
Posts: 1956
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2016 2:17 pm
Location: Midwest
United States of America

Re: Divorced, Moved Out, Moving Forward

Post by AMA210 »

Update:

Shortly after this writing, I realized that I was still holding onto LO and still hoping that it would come together. I went to a Reiki master who told me point blank that my heart chakra was blocked and I was holding myself back by this belief. So, on May 20, I drove by the school after work and the door was open, so I pulled in and waited for LO to come out. My plan was to tell him I was divorced and available. He did come out after a few minutes and looked shocked and I looked at him and then looked away and I drove away, saying nothing. I had a passing emotion of bittersweet -- sweet from all I learned from meeting him and bitter that it hadn't turned out the way I envisioned it. As I drove away, I didn't look back, but I felt the chains drop from me and I left all of them behind.

About a week later, I asked that the cord be severed and it was because I haven't had any desire or inclination to drive by since then. I didn't even go to the festival in July. I began to experience freedom like never before, as if the caged bird had been set free, by her own hand.

A while after this, there was a driver at work who I saw a lot and goofed around with and one day we were talking and he reached across the desk and took my hand. The next day I took his hand in mine and the next, we hugged. I felt such comfort with him and such healing. Now we are in a friendship, with hugs, and it's all good. I might add he is 13 years younger and of a different ethnicity. I hope it progresses as time goes on, but there is no codependency, no obsessiveness, nothing like LE was. It's very peaceful.

My daughter is still in therapy and we are slowly talking a bit more. I stopped trying to control her and the outcome and it's helping.

I talk with EX SO once a week, usually for an hour and am reminded of how he still hasn't changed and probably won't. I have no regrets. I am happy now, as myself, speaking the truth, and shining my light into the world.

Thanks for reading!
LE was 22 months...LO catalyst for awakening, in which I chose divorce (after 27 years of marriage)
Very happy and content with my new beginning

NVTS
Posts: 630
Joined: Wed Sep 13, 2017 4:49 pm
Fiji

Re: Divorced, Moved Out, Moving Forward

Post by NVTS »

:ymhug: :-bd

I hope to get where you are! (metaphorically not geographically)
When all else fails;
READ THE INSTRUCTIONS!

Maddie
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Re: Divorced, Moved Out, Moving Forward

Post by Maddie »

Good job and good to hear from you! The description of the chains falling off is awesome and I know full well I could have that too when I decide to do the work. This gives me hope! thank you :ymhug:
40, F
ex-LO, 51 , M
Mental health is an ongoing commitment to reality at all costs-- (M Scott Peck)

L-F
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Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: Divorced, Moved Out, Moving Forward

Post by L-F »

.
Last edited by L-F on Sat Oct 26, 2019 7:09 pm, edited 1 time in total.
"What we all want, really, is to be loved.
That craving drives our worst behavior." Jodi Picoult
@};-

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NoDayDreaming
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Re: Divorced, Moved Out, Moving Forward

Post by NoDayDreaming »

you know, i thought i should have tried to see my XLO one year later when i had a chance recently, but i didn't after all.
i do remember that seeing my first LO one year later was therapeutic and it was a relieve.
I'm limerence free and I'm not afraid of it anymore. I learn something new about myself and life everyday. There is hope and so much more. NC works. Be free, be happy! In retrospect, LE was about the best thing that has happened in my life.

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