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people with narcissistic traits get attracted to each other?

Discuss your experiences about narcissism and relationships with narcissists here.
daydreamer
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people with narcissistic traits get attracted to each other?

Post by daydreamer » Thu Feb 07, 2019 6:29 pm

i got interested in the question how often people with some narcissistic traits get attracted to each other and there is some literature that suggests it's more common than expected from randomness: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog ... ll-in-love

now, I'm not talking about people with grandiose delusions, but rather "some, that constant attention-seeking is a cover for deep-seated feelings of inadequacy." I'm such a person, and because of low self-esteem, I'm extra nice and helpful to others, so people would appreciate me and be nice to me in return, so it would help with my self-esteem. if I meet a person like that, they are going to be nice to me, that will make me extra nice for them, and they reciprocate by being even nicer and if a strong erotic element is involved, this explodes in a passionate love ("at the first sight") or limerence (if unrequited).

this would indeed explain why i tended to seek out specific types as my past partners or LOs. to this day, sometimes i see a person (women), who may not be necessarily pretty, and I'm suddenly attracted to them.

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Re: people with narcissistic traits get attracted to each other?

Post by Spinnaker » Thu Feb 07, 2019 9:53 pm

“We are tied in a single garment of destiny. What affects one directly affects everyone indirectly”.
Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

daydreamer
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Re: people with narcissistic traits get attracted to each other?

Post by daydreamer » Fri Feb 08, 2019 3:29 am

here is another thought: “Narcissistic Victim Syndrome” may look on a surface like narcissism itself. this makes a lot of sense for me. interesting journey of discovery.

here is the source: https://thoughtcatalog.com/shahida-arab ... arcissist/

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Re: people with narcissistic traits get attracted to each other?

Post by Spinnaker » Fri Feb 08, 2019 5:05 am

Wow! Thank you, Jack! Great links.
Last edited by Spinnaker on Fri Feb 08, 2019 10:10 pm, edited 1 time in total.
“We are tied in a single garment of destiny. What affects one directly affects everyone indirectly”.
Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

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Re: people with narcissistic traits get attracted to each other?

Post by mamasita » Fri Feb 08, 2019 2:46 pm

Excellent articles, thank you Jack & Spin! These are Also thoughts that I tend to mull over these days!

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Re: people with narcissistic traits get attracted to each other?

Post by daydreamer » Fri Feb 08, 2019 8:51 pm

you're welcome.
the key was for me to understand that if I was a true narcissist, i would feel grandiose, and I would not be as sensitive and empathic as I am.
but, it's even more complicated, when i was a young adult working very hard to achieve my mighty life goals, there were times I was clearly narcissistic alright. it was only i got burned out and treated for depression, it rewired my brain, and i'm a different person now.
in retrospect, my mother was narcissistic and I was groomed to be a narcissist.
Last edited by daydreamer on Sat Feb 09, 2019 1:47 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: people with narcissistic traits get attracted to each other?

Post by L-F » Sat Feb 09, 2019 3:22 am

I know I should read the articles before posting, but haven't, sorry Jack!

Out of the Fog website call them Fleas. Things (damage) passed on from family members. Intergenerational stuff.

So. Does that mean because my father is NPD that I'm going to be? Nope. The way I see narcissism and attraction is...

... that its designed by the universe as a wakeup call. If you need to scratch, you can blame the itch or look at what is causing the itch.

My fathers NPD is not about him being a narcissist, but his inability to wake up. He may have passed on fleas, but I'm the one who determines whether I'll scratch and live, or work on the cause of the itch.

In short, I was completely and utterly blindsided by LOs narcissism, fell in love with it. Her charisma, etc. BUT, like any narcissist, it was my wakeup call. I was destined to fall for someone I could blame instead of facing the cause (myself... my own fleas).

Is she to blame? No. Is my father to blame? No. I'm the one who is scratching! I'm the one who can fix the itch, because I'm the one with fleas.

I hope you see the irony in this :D had I not been attracted to the ultimate flea, I'd be none the wiser. I'd be left to scratch the itch without assessing it.

In other words... the universe would keep sending me more fleas!
Have conquered limerence. I'm no expert but have learnt enough to know where to look for answers.
Limerence Net helped to heal my heart which led to forgiving my abusers ❤

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Re: people with narcissistic traits get attracted to each other?

Post by daydreamer » Sat Feb 09, 2019 1:54 pm

L-F, this makes a lot of sense, even though i'm blind to the higher order.
the linked article used the word "flea" and now I know what they meant.
LOL, for some reason I thought you were a female, not sure why, and makes not much difference.

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Re: people with narcissistic traits get attracted to each other?

Post by Spinnaker » Sat Feb 09, 2019 6:46 pm

For those of us raised with narcissistic parents, the struggle to uncover and overcome learned patterns is a challenge. Ego driven desires, drive limerence. If you could relate to this thread, I suggest watching a few minutes of this Eckhart Tolle video.

Here is the video. I suggest watching minutes 1- 7.

Last edited by Spinnaker on Sun Feb 10, 2019 12:47 am, edited 1 time in total.
“We are tied in a single garment of destiny. What affects one directly affects everyone indirectly”.
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Re: people with narcissistic traits get attracted to each other?

Post by L-F » Sat Feb 09, 2019 10:54 pm

jack wrote:
Sat Feb 09, 2019 1:54 pm
LOL, for some reason I thought you were a female,
That I am :) And happily married to a man.
Have conquered limerence. I'm no expert but have learnt enough to know where to look for answers.
Limerence Net helped to heal my heart which led to forgiving my abusers ❤

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