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Loneliness

Discussion about the way back.
Pandora
Posts: 296
Joined: Wed Sep 05, 2018 4:29 pm
Canada

Loneliness

Post by Pandora » Mon Jan 14, 2019 2:49 am

Since my limerent bubble burst, I am feeling acutely lonely. While in limerence, it wasn't that I never felt lonely. Waiting for LO to contact me and not have it happen was very lonely. But overall, I spent so much mental energy and time in my fantasies that it was kind of like having an imaginary friend. Now my imaginary friend is gone, and I've come back to a lifelong struggle.

It makes sense that I feel lonely now. I've pushed away god in my pursuing LO. I've mentally and emotionally checked out on my husband. I haven't attempted to make friends, and done the bare minimum to keep up current relationships. I've suddenly 'come back' and realized that my crops are barren.

This too shall pass. I'll reconnect with god, reconnect with DH, begin to cultivate all the good things in life. But I just wanted to vent my feelings a little. Thanks for reading.
Desire is a state,
a state of ill repair.
It's ill prepared to cope,
it's ill prepared to care.

Tremington
Posts: 32
Joined: Mon Dec 31, 2018 4:20 am
Location: Southwest US
Gender:
United States of America

Re: Loneliness

Post by Tremington » Mon Jan 14, 2019 3:51 am

Yup, same boat here. I distanced from everyone and everything over my LO. Wife, kids, everyone. Sad really, but when you are consumed with Limerence it happens.

Im re engaging with everyone slowly, it's hard but NC has really helped. Im trying to be more friendly overall and making new connections.

Hope you feel better!

Pandora
Posts: 296
Joined: Wed Sep 05, 2018 4:29 pm
Canada

Re: Loneliness

Post by Pandora » Mon Jan 14, 2019 4:00 am

Thanks Tremington! It's so jarring to 'come back to earth' now that it's all over.
Desire is a state,
a state of ill repair.
It's ill prepared to cope,
it's ill prepared to care.

Tremington
Posts: 32
Joined: Mon Dec 31, 2018 4:20 am
Location: Southwest US
Gender:
United States of America

Re: Loneliness

Post by Tremington » Mon Jan 14, 2019 7:10 am

You are going to be fine, minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day. One day at a time, just stick to NC.

User avatar
FreeBird
Posts: 526
Joined: Thu Jul 13, 2017 12:51 am
Gender:
United States of America

Re: Loneliness

Post by FreeBird » Mon Jan 14, 2019 1:48 pm

Pandora wrote:
Mon Jan 14, 2019 2:49 am

It makes sense that I feel lonely now. I've pushed away god in my pursuing LO. I've mentally and emotionally checked out on my husband. I haven't attempted to make friends, and done the bare minimum to keep up current relationships. I've suddenly 'come back' and realized that my crops are barren.

This too shall pass. I'll reconnect with god, reconnect with DH, begin to cultivate all the good things in life. But I just wanted to vent my feelings a little. Thanks for reading.
This is a great plan, Pandora. Vent on.You're encouraging me as well. Thanks
Mayberry:Gateway to danger :ymcowboy:

Yesnomaybeso
Posts: 59
Joined: Tue Dec 18, 2018 12:11 pm
Gender:
Australia

Re: Loneliness

Post by Yesnomaybeso » Fri Jan 18, 2019 10:49 am

Feel the same way. It really does create a false sense of abundance of friendship. I’m feeling lonelier too since going NC. But we all can use this feeling as a catalyst for change and improving our lives.

Pudding
Posts: 737
Joined: Sat Oct 01, 2016 5:45 am
Canada

Re: Loneliness

Post by Pudding » Fri Jan 18, 2019 11:43 am

Oh yes, been there. It’s taken a while but I am finally coming out of that part. It’s horrible. For me, there was also the factor of losing the highs and the excitement and happiness (even if it was a bad kind of happiness) that the LE brought. I don’t miss being limerent but I miss having something to look forward to like that. I was just saying to my T that nothing else has ever made me feel the euphoria I felt when first falling limerent. It’s a tough one. But you will get through it!
F 38
LO is M 37, my son’s former teacher
LC beyond my control ~x(
LE began in the fall of 2015

JupiterTaco
Posts: 3651
Joined: Sun Jun 28, 2015 6:12 pm
United States of America

Re: Loneliness

Post by JupiterTaco » Fri Jan 18, 2019 10:06 pm

Thanks for sharing. One thing limerence showed me is that I actually have a lot of passion for a lot of things. If I can be so passionate about another person, I can be passionate about other things, which had been a question in my mind earlier in my adulthood. I thought I was done living so to speak.
"If we forgive our fathers, what is left?" Thomas Builds The Fire, Smoke Signals

Idiotic
Posts: 1624
Joined: Sun Sep 03, 2017 7:58 am

Re: Loneliness

Post by Idiotic » Tue Jan 22, 2019 6:54 pm

JupiterTaco wrote:
Fri Jan 18, 2019 10:06 pm
Thanks for sharing. One thing limerence showed me is that I actually have a lot of passion for a lot of things. If I can be so passionate about another person, I can be passionate about other things, which had been a question in my mind earlier in my adulthood. I thought I was done living so to speak.
Youre Right J , if i even put half my limerent energy into other things i can get a lot of things done. And when i was limerent i did too, but i consciously remind myself when i feel im not capable of even simple things, that that magical capacity didnt come out of nowhere.
Having said that , i still work better when i 'work for someone'(someone i project my stuff onto), working on trying to work for me. Failing constantly but trying :D
Boy...youre gonna carry that weight, carry that weight, a long time - Golden Slumbers(The Beatles)

dreams
Posts: 18
Joined: Sun Sep 09, 2018 2:57 am
United States of America

Re: Loneliness

Post by dreams » Wed Mar 06, 2019 8:51 pm

For me limerence was a form of escapism,

Try not to fill the void with other escapist avenues i.e. music, TV, novels, daydreaming, future planning.

Try to fill the void with activities that compel you to stay in the present moment i.e. real conversations with real people, working out, traveling, cooking. Once you make the switch, you will become more comfortable and no longer the need the "security of limerence". You will feel more confident and less lonely.

I recommend baby steps. Its not easy but its worth it. There will days when you feel like relapsing.

I made a lot of progress by thinking of limerence like a drug addiction which helped me break away. It took months and I'm still not there all the way yet.

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