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Is limerence always unhealthy?

Open forum ... what's on your mind? Want to vent or lament about your Limerent/Love Object? This is the ideal place.
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Disintegration
Posts: 11
Joined: Sat Jan 12, 2019 4:09 pm
Gender:
Great Britain

Is limerence always unhealthy?

Post by Disintegration » Sun Jan 13, 2019 7:30 pm

I’m just wondering whether you can ever just stay friends with a lo? Or is it always going to be an unhealthy situation?

I’m currently nc with my lo, but I find myself wondering whether we could have ever just been friends. Probably not.

Pandora
Posts: 231
Joined: Wed Sep 05, 2018 4:29 pm
Canada

Re: Is limerence always unhealthy?

Post by Pandora » Sun Jan 13, 2019 7:49 pm

I think that right now the question about friendship is just another desire to be close to LO, and it's fueled by limerence.

However, before I learned about limerence, I would always tell myself 'If it's meant to be, we'll be in touch with each other again' when the relationship ended or I had to go NC. Now that so much time has passed, I don't give a shit about whether I see any of them again (and I never have interacted again with them).

Edit: And that is probably the paradox. By the time we've become healthy enough to be friends with our LOs, the idea of being friends with them won't seem that important.
Desire is a state,
a state of ill repair.
It's ill prepared to cope,
it's ill prepared to care.

Cookie
Posts: 416
Joined: Wed Sep 27, 2017 4:08 pm
United States of America

Re: Is limerence always unhealthy?

Post by Cookie » Sun Jan 13, 2019 8:07 pm

Limerence itself is always unhealthy, yes.

To your question of whether you can stay friends, I have changed my mind on this, given recent events. I am currently "good friends" online with all three (gulp) of my last LOs. One of them I will see in person at some point because our work will overlap. And I can say with complete certainty that I feel nothing for any of them and want nothing from them.

This feels like a big breakthrough because it takes me out of the torture cycle that was always part of the limerence. The ending, the "breakup," the silence. It just added to the self-loathing. Now it feels like triumph. I have walked away without the bridges burning behind me.

Others will likely disagree and say it's not a good idea, and in general it is probably not. But once you move past any feelings (false feelings) for an LO, there is a relief in the peace of a distant friendship/acquaintance. IMO.
Pandora wrote:
Sun Jan 13, 2019 7:49 pm
Edit: And that is probably the paradox. By the time we've become healthy enough to be friends with our LOs, the idea of being friends with them won't seem that important.
Just read this part...EXACTLY!!
Female, age 52
Limerent for as long as I can remember
Have had 7 "real" LOs in the last 25 years
Current LO is male, age 44, married AND has another GF!

Disintegration
Posts: 11
Joined: Sat Jan 12, 2019 4:09 pm
Gender:
Great Britain

Re: Is limerence always unhealthy?

Post by Disintegration » Sun Jan 13, 2019 10:57 pm

I guess I don’t wish to be friends with any of my past lo’s. In fact I barely think of them. I’m probably just still completely stuck on my current lo. But I agree that once I am over him, I probably won’t want him around anyway.

L-F
Posts: 2004
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: Is limerence always unhealthy?

Post by L-F » Mon Jan 14, 2019 12:00 am

Pandora wrote:
Sun Jan 13, 2019 7:49 pm
And that is probably the paradox. By the time we've become healthy enough to be friends with our LOs, the idea of being friends with them won't seem that important.
LOVE this!
Have conquered limerence.
I'm no expert, but have learnt enough to know where to look for answers.

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