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Finally told him to leave me alone. It hurts.

A tough thing to do - the pros and cons
Disintegration
Posts: 34
Joined: Sat Jan 12, 2019 4:09 pm
Gender:
Great Britain

Finally told him to leave me alone. It hurts.

Post by Disintegration » Sat Jan 12, 2019 4:15 pm

Hi,

I’m new here, but struggling with my decision to go NC with my lo. No one in my real life knows about him, so I don’t have anyone to talk to.

It’s been 2 days since I told him to leave me alone, he knows how I feel about him, and it’s not the first time I’ve tried to push him away. I just feel horrible telling him to leave me alone, but I feel like it’s the only way. He didn’t even reply and hasn’t contacted me since, so I guess that’s good. But I miss him so much. It’s hard.

Tremington
Posts: 32
Joined: Mon Dec 31, 2018 4:20 am
Location: Southwest US
Gender:
United States of America

Re: Finally told him to leave me alone. It hurts.

Post by Tremington » Sat Jan 12, 2019 4:58 pm

Stay strong, it gets better! I keep a journal of my thoughts and it helps.

Disintegration
Posts: 34
Joined: Sat Jan 12, 2019 4:09 pm
Gender:
Great Britain

Re: Finally told him to leave me alone. It hurts.

Post by Disintegration » Sat Jan 12, 2019 5:02 pm

Thank you!

I often write down how I’m feeling about him, so I can go back and remind myself why I’m doing this in the first place.

Tremington
Posts: 32
Joined: Mon Dec 31, 2018 4:20 am
Location: Southwest US
Gender:
United States of America

Re: Finally told him to leave me alone. It hurts.

Post by Tremington » Sat Jan 12, 2019 7:11 pm

I would block everything you can about him, tell yourself you need 2 weeks and you will re examine everything after the fact. That might give you that little bit of hope we all cling to and get you over the hump.

Pudding
Posts: 737
Joined: Sat Oct 01, 2016 5:45 am
Canada

Re: Finally told him to leave me alone. It hurts.

Post by Pudding » Sat Jan 12, 2019 7:43 pm

It is very difficult when you don’t need have anyone to talk to about this. Posting here is good but if you can find a therapist, I highly recommend that. It is therapeutic and helpful to discuss this with someone in real life.

Good luck with NC!
F 38
LO is M 37, my son’s former teacher
LC beyond my control ~x(
LE began in the fall of 2015

Disintegration
Posts: 34
Joined: Sat Jan 12, 2019 4:09 pm
Gender:
Great Britain

Re: Finally told him to leave me alone. It hurts.

Post by Disintegration » Sat Jan 12, 2019 9:37 pm

I guess the only comfort I have is that he was a bit shit anyway, so at least now I don’t have to sit around waiting for him to text me back. Sometimes he wouldn’t text me back at all, he never made me feel like I was that important to him. Whilst I miss the good times, the heartache really isn’t worth it.

Thanks both, we’ll see how it goes.

Pandora
Posts: 296
Joined: Wed Sep 05, 2018 4:29 pm
Canada

Re: Finally told him to leave me alone. It hurts.

Post by Pandora » Sat Jan 12, 2019 10:10 pm

Hey Disintegration! I know it sucks right now, and that's because you're doing the mature thing and 'front loading' your pain. Instead of feeling the pain over several months/years by choosing to indulge in limerence, you're feeling it all now because you're choosing to put your sanity first.

Over the horizon there is a future where you don't spend days agonizing over when the next contact will be from LO, where you're not spending hours analyzing everything he said and trying to figure out 'what it really means', where your moods aren't dependent on another person. It's a lot of pain to get there, but there's a lot of pain in limerence as well, and you're just ripping off the bandaid.

Kudos for going NC, and I've got my fingers crossed for you!
Desire is a state,
a state of ill repair.
It's ill prepared to cope,
it's ill prepared to care.

Disintegration
Posts: 34
Joined: Sat Jan 12, 2019 4:09 pm
Gender:
Great Britain

Re: Finally told him to leave me alone. It hurts.

Post by Disintegration » Sat Jan 12, 2019 10:50 pm

Hi Pandora,

I’ve known him for about 9 months now. I tried to end it a couple of months ago, I told him how I felt and that I needed space, which he gave me. But I went back to him after 3 days, I felt like an idiot. I’m determined not to do that this time.

Thank you!

Tremington
Posts: 32
Joined: Mon Dec 31, 2018 4:20 am
Location: Southwest US
Gender:
United States of America

Re: Finally told him to leave me alone. It hurts.

Post by Tremington » Sat Jan 12, 2019 11:33 pm

Working out helps, volunteering and reaching out to family and friends you haven't talked to in a while really helps too.

Change your music too, all current music is like Limerent Central. Next week is going to be tough, you are really going to want him bad. Take it one day at a time and as you build up days you'll get the thoughts of not destroying what you have built up by reaching out.

Mind you, I can get bat shiite crazy thinking about her, too, I'm just trying my best like everyone else here.

Disintegration
Posts: 34
Joined: Sat Jan 12, 2019 4:09 pm
Gender:
Great Britain

Re: Finally told him to leave me alone. It hurts.

Post by Disintegration » Sat Jan 12, 2019 11:39 pm

Oh, I agree about the music. I can pretty much relate most songs to him. I’m feeling strangely positive tonight, although I know missing him is going to come in waves. How long have you been nc, Tremington?

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