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feelings and dreams

Open forum ... what's on your mind? Want to vent or lament about your Limerent/Love Object? This is the ideal place.
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LisaTranscending
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Joined: Thu Oct 01, 2015 12:48 pm

feelings and dreams

Post by LisaTranscending » Fri Jan 11, 2019 3:14 pm

Hi my LE friends. it's been awhile since I've seen my LO (changed my territory not due to avoiding LO .....but it was just more advantageous for me to take on other vendors outside his area)
......which is something I never would have done LE, but felt very comfortable doing post LE. (not that the thought that I will very rarely see LO now didn't cross my mind...it did.) but it didn't seem to weigh in on my calculation on allowing this change in my work environment irrespective of the diminishment in running into loverboy.

so I made the change several months ago. it's been working fine. I actually am making more money now outside his territory than I was before. (something I also knew all along LE and was willing to sacrifice in the fervent hope of seeing LO on any given day)

I'm sure many people have made similar sacrifices. it probably goes without saying the sacrifices we make economically as well as emotionally to keep the dream alive.

so this post's topic is "feelings" and "dreams" (something we humans are quite attached to). because since my LE I have yet to have those elated feelings for any man (tho I have had some dreams I conjure up for some future bliss with some men even if there wasn't a spark oddly enough). I have gone on dates, had my ex over countless times wishing some feelings of nostalgia that might spark something inside me towards ex for something new between us might arise(no that didn't happen, ex is just as vigorously anchored in his old persona not even giving a hint of possible transformation).

so last night my subconscious went out on a date with exLO in the form of contact (if not in real life) in a dream state. it was pretty weird in that it was pretty vivid. first we passed each other at a party going on at my house and made strong eye contact. after that eye contact even in my dream I was replaying that eye contact. the next scene is we are at some fancy place and eating oysters and drinking fine wine. I was all excited about being in this place looking for some tight jeans to wear and that finally LO would see me out of office attire and in my sexy party clothes and finally succumb to my attractions.

when I sashay past his table (he is surrounded by gorgeous young women and a mutual male friend)...the mutual male friend invites me to sit down. as my LO is eating oysters, the male friend is telling me how LO is in love with one of these young women. and as I look over at my LO, he is engaged in the oysters and doesn't even notice me. (thank god that's the point I wake up). ha ha! wake up!

what does all that subconscious dreaming and feeling even mean? true in the dream the replay of the eye contact did even in my sleep allow me to remember what it feels like to love a pair of eyes like that.

but...post LE....it's remarkable that even remembering those beautiful feelings I didn't wake up feeling cheated out of them. I can't begin to describe my transformation from that terrific feeling of wanting those feelings to accepting that those feelings are at best elusive, if not illusory as in my case since it was merely a dream.

but how much of it was real even in the state of limerence? how much of it was my deep-seated desire running my feelings as they did in my dream?

I don't know if I can fall in love again. watching re-runs of romantic movies that touched me deeply when LE to vaguely remembering what it feels like to be swept away physically in someone's presence, post LE, is my lot it seems. I'm not ruling out love or men or euphoria, but I do believe there's something changed in me per regards the reaction to feelings of euphoria, in that I don't believe I can drown in euphoria ever again. I don't really know if I can even ever feel that exhilaration one feels in the presence of the beloved, but if it ever happens (like it did in my dream because even in the dream I remember the eyes and the impact they had on my psyche) I really don't know what dreams and feelings would have on me in a real-life scenario. I feel pretty animated about my life post LE (not initially of course it was a dense fog of dead feeling I thought I'd never emerge from). I am playing music and enjoying myself and taking care of myself. if this is the rest of my life without LE or a partner, honestly, I am perfectly fine with that. the feelings and dreams I don't miss surrounding LE are the suffocating need to have a particular person near me or find life flat and even unbearable. no. I don't feel like that anymore. and I still think it's safe to say I don't think I can ever feel like that ever again.

L-F
Posts: 2147
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
New Zealand

Re: feelings and dreams

Post by L-F » Fri Jan 11, 2019 10:43 pm

In these situations, I can't help but think of a healed person. I'm sure you will know the difference between guys who trigger the old Lisa and guys who respond to the new Lisa.

I can't imagine fireworks either. But I can imagine a feeling of 'coming home'.
Have conquered limerence.
I'm no expert, but have learnt enough to know where to look for answers.

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LisaTranscending
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Joined: Thu Oct 01, 2015 12:48 pm

Re: feelings and dreams

Post by LisaTranscending » Sat Jan 12, 2019 12:34 am

oh snap. I have to add how uncanny LE's are no matter how in control we seem to be of our lives after a mind altering earth shattering LE.
just today in the supermarket my phone rang. and I wasn't going to bring my phone to let it charge, but I looked at it as I was walking out the door and thought, I know that call is coming.

and so it was my old boss. (the one I'm not really working for very often since I'm working for other vendors currently). so what is all that universal hijinks to have him ask me to work with exLO on Monday. the day after the dream. MONTHS of not thinking of him or even seeing him. comming into limerence.net just to vent about the dream and the healing.

I had the funny smile on my face more about the universe messing with me than actually seeing exLO on Monday. enough that my daughter noticed my screwed up facial expressions and commented on it. (only thoughts of exLO bring that kind of energy to my face it seems.)

by the time I got home I got an email that the meeting needs to be rescheduled. (and I'm probably not going to that but was just pinch hitting for my boss since this meeting is out of my territory now).

just a big ol, WTF. pretty funny. and yes, I was getting a bit off kilter from the uncanny parts of the premonition part of me really more than anything else. I almost can feel when the universe is going to ultimately send me my next assignment it seems.

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LisaTranscending
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Re: feelings and dreams

Post by LisaTranscending » Wed Jan 16, 2019 9:47 pm

arrrrrghhhhhhhhhhh.....argh because I'm walking around listening to babyface with a shit-eatin grin plastered all over my face. seeing LO (didn't feel like typing ex) tomorrow. it's been months. I don't really care what happens...but I can feel the prana rising, the root chakra vibrating, and that grin widening. wish me luck. who knows, maybe LO finally gives into my fantasy and declares his undying attraction and love for me.

ok ok...took a hit of the LE pipe. feels good tho. :o)

Pudding
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Joined: Sat Oct 01, 2016 5:45 am
Canada

Re: feelings and dreams

Post by Pudding » Tue Jan 22, 2019 12:35 pm

So how did it go?
F 38
LO is M 36, my son’s former teacher
LC beyond my control ~x(
LE began in the fall of 2015

Idiotic
Posts: 1567
Joined: Sun Sep 03, 2017 7:58 am

Re: feelings and dreams

Post by Idiotic » Tue Jan 22, 2019 6:34 pm

LisaTranscending wrote:
Sat Jan 12, 2019 12:34 am
I was getting a bit off kilter from the uncanny parts of the premonition part of me really more than anything else. I almost can feel when the universe is going to ultimately send me my next assignment it seems.
Retrospectively my premonitions seem to me as if i willed the circumstance into existence. Perhaps it is my arrogance,but when i think back after these strange occurrences, as if extracted from my own head(a much perverted version of course), i feel responsible for my bs thoughts.
I particularly feel lifes irony , like Universe has a dark sense of humor or something, and then i think back and pick the exact moment where i think i tempted fate :ymdevil: :))
Boy...youre gonna carry that weight, carry that weight, a long time - Golden Slumbers(The Beatles)

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