Information: Please take a moment and visit your profile to choose a flag.

trying to undo the mental damage NOT WORKING

Open forum ... what's on your mind? Want to vent or lament about your Limerent/Love Object? This is the ideal place.
Post Reply
eastwestgal
Posts: 34
Joined: Thu Mar 08, 2018 9:35 pm
Gender:
Age: 50
United States of America

trying to undo the mental damage NOT WORKING

Post by eastwestgal » Fri Jan 11, 2019 3:45 am

I'm in therapy. I've read many posts and articles and seen videos.

It's SO hard when he comes knocking to not answer. I always send a feeler text (I know this is wrong). So two days ago hadn't heard back from in a week, so asked him a simple question over text. Got a one word answer response. Thought see, he's trying to be polite but blow me off. Asked a second question in response. NO RESPONSE. So really just wanted him to say, leave me alone don't text anymore. So sent text saying "is it still okay to text you?". He responds he's out running. yay. Then a few minutes later starts interacting.

He has gov't job and is furloughed right now. Told me he has "plenty of free time". WTF does that mean all of a sudden??? This is the guy who for a FULL YEAR WOULD NEVER SEE ME ALONE WITHOUT WIFE. I have tried many times to see alone, always shut down one way or another. Then he ASKS ME TO LUNCH--ALONE--FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER!!!

I died a thousand deaths. We spent 2.5 glorious hours together yesterday. He was in no hurry to leave. At end I said "I had fun hanging out today did you? He responds, "well it's better than being bored at home doing nothing". Um WTF. I got very sarcastic mad raised voice and said you can't be serious that is NOT what you say to a girl. Is this how you REALLY feel???? Repeated question and he said he had fun. So not sure if he was too embarrassed to say to my face he enjoyed himself? He is married after all, and this "friendship" lunch we were having for 2.5 hours didn't seem very friend zone to me. Lot's of eye gazing. I had my hand on his back much of time, he never really pushed it away.

So after I left I probably sent too many texts and emails. I texted 2x. The first time making joke of bored comment and thanking him for buying me lunch. The second text was follow up about another lunch he seemed to think we could have if he wasn't back at work. Only responded your welcome, ignored everything else.

Then sent email inviting him to have a free trial at the gym I belong to, (responds not interested but thanks) and then had software question about something we discussed (no response).

I know I probably seem too needy. But during our 2.5 hours together he seemed like he wanted to see me again the next day or soon if still off of work. So have had several no responses in last 24 hours.

Fed up with myself for being so obsessed. In therapy, tried various things people say to do. Nothing works. I think about him 24/7.

Listening to Halsey "without me" over and over. this sucks. the. life. out. of. me.
How I feel right now? "You're gonna catch a cold from the ice inside your soul"

49, F
LO 47 M

Cookie
Posts: 618
Joined: Wed Sep 27, 2017 4:08 pm
United States of America

Re: trying to undo the mental damage NOT WORKING

Post by Cookie » Fri Jan 11, 2019 2:11 pm

eastwestgal wrote:
Fri Jan 11, 2019 3:45 am
this sucks. the. life. out. of. me.
That's right eastwestgal, because LOs like yours are emotional vampires. They want to have their cake and eat it too. It's interesting that he used the term "bored," because if you translate that into what he is really saying, it's this: "You mean nothing to me, but you are a fine accessory for MY needs, only if and when I am bored enough."

You describe the 2.5 hours as "glorious," but think about it for a second. That's basically 10% of ONE day. Is that what you are worth? Not even a full day? Forget the one or two-word texts (which all read to me like blow-offs). Because of limerence, you will read all kinds of things into every word he says. Trust me...they are not REAL. They are bait to keep you on the hook for when he is bored again.

He is married and he is cheating. You are the side dish, if that. More like half a roll. Ultimately, it's up to us to define our worth. If you want to be a penny, be a penny. If you want to be a dollar, then set your value there. Or a hundred or a million. Nobody is going to do that for you, and he is the type to devalue you at every turn because it makes him feel more powerful. It's control.

I say this with no judgment, because it is my life's story. But you can change it. Stay in therapy. Stay busy. Stay away from him.
Person

mamasita
Posts: 887
Joined: Wed Oct 11, 2017 10:27 pm
Location: USA
Gender:
Age: 42
United States of America

Re: trying to undo the mental damage NOT WORKING

Post by mamasita » Fri Jan 11, 2019 4:07 pm

Cookie wrote:
Fri Jan 11, 2019 2:11 pm
eastwestgal wrote:
Fri Jan 11, 2019 3:45 am
this sucks. the. life. out. of. me.
That's right eastwestgal, because LOs like yours are emotional vampires. They want to have their cake and eat it too. It's interesting that he used the term "bored," because if you translate that into what he is really saying, it's this: "You mean nothing to me, but you are a fine accessory for MY needs, only if and when I am bored enough."

You describe the 2.5 hours as "glorious," but think about it for a second. That's basically 10% of ONE day. Is that what you are worth? Not even a full day? Forget the one or two-word texts (which all read to me like blow-offs). Because of limerence, you will read all kinds of things into every word he says. Trust me...they are not REAL. They are bait to keep you on the hook for when he is bored again.

He is married and he is cheating. You are the side dish, if that. More like half a roll. Ultimately, it's up to us to define our worth. If you want to be a penny, be a penny. If you want to be a dollar, then set your value there. Or a hundred or a million. Nobody is going to do that for you, and he is the type to devalue you at every turn because it makes him feel more powerful. It's control.

I say this with no judgment, because it is my life's story. But you can change it. Stay in therapy. Stay busy. Stay away from him.
I also can relate to having an LO like this. Cookie, you really said it all. It hurts a lot but it's so true. =((

Cookie
Posts: 618
Joined: Wed Sep 27, 2017 4:08 pm
United States of America

Re: trying to undo the mental damage NOT WORKING

Post by Cookie » Fri Jan 11, 2019 4:52 pm

mamasita wrote:
Fri Jan 11, 2019 4:07 pm
I also can relate to having an LO like this. Cookie, you really said it all. It hurts a lot but it's so true. =((
I know it hurts...it really does. And no logic in our minds can change that. :(

All of mine have been this way too, mamasita. It's bothering artist LO that I am not paying attention to him. I can tell. He's gone through my social media and "liked" a bunch of posts. This is what he does when I ignore. But all he cares about is turning my head. Same with the newer one, who just a few weeks ago said he was "dying" for me, but tonight has a date with someone else. Thank heavens, or I probably would have done something stupid with him.

It's all a game. It just gets tiring after a while. Exhausting is more like it.

Stay strong, Eastwestgal. Do something for YOURSELF this weekend...not for him.
Person

Tremington
Posts: 32
Joined: Mon Dec 31, 2018 4:20 am
Location: Southwest US
Gender:
Age: 47
United States of America

Re: trying to undo the mental damage NOT WORKING

Post by Tremington » Fri Jan 11, 2019 9:07 pm

Don't listen to current music either, all written by limerent people.

L-F
Posts: 2428
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: trying to undo the mental damage NOT WORKING

Post by L-F » Fri Jan 11, 2019 9:22 pm

Cookie wrote:
Fri Jan 11, 2019 2:11 pm
He is married and he is cheating.
This is true in reverse too. I hope people reading this don't just see one side of the sick, but both (remember it's all about taking back the projections).

Keep chipping away at ot EWG. Focus on building self esteem and loving yourself, shadows and all.
Have conquered limerence. I'm no expert but have learnt enough to know where to look for answers.
Limerence Net helped to heal my heart which led to forgiving my abusers ❤

Cookie
Posts: 618
Joined: Wed Sep 27, 2017 4:08 pm
United States of America

Re: trying to undo the mental damage NOT WORKING

Post by Cookie » Fri Jan 11, 2019 10:14 pm

L-F wrote:
Fri Jan 11, 2019 9:22 pm
Cookie wrote:
Fri Jan 11, 2019 2:11 pm
He is married and he is cheating.
This is true in reverse too. I hope people reading this don't just see one side of the sick, but both (remember it's all about taking back the projections).
Not at all, her cheating is a given. It was a point to Eastwest gal that she is just a side dish/stale roll for him too. Not an absolution of her role in it. But thanks for the reminder.
Person

L-F
Posts: 2428
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: trying to undo the mental damage NOT WORKING

Post by L-F » Fri Jan 11, 2019 10:34 pm

L-F wrote:
Fri Jan 11, 2019 9:22 pm
Keep chipping away at ot EWG. Focus on building self esteem and loving yourself, shadows and all.
Because if you loved yourself, you wouldn't put yourself in this situation.
Have conquered limerence. I'm no expert but have learnt enough to know where to look for answers.
Limerence Net helped to heal my heart which led to forgiving my abusers ❤

eastwestgal
Posts: 34
Joined: Thu Mar 08, 2018 9:35 pm
Gender:
Age: 50
United States of America

Re: trying to undo the mental damage NOT WORKING

Post by eastwestgal » Mon Jan 14, 2019 2:56 am

thanks all.

I do feel like I have self worth but I am obsessed. On Friday I hit an all time low. He didn't respond to any of my texts and emails. As I've said in previous posts, I track all my email to him. He viewed the most recent one 5x. Oddly still viewing this old email now up to 23 views. Someone in a pp said this is immature. I disagree, it helps give me insight as to whether or not he thinks about me.

A mutual friend who no longer speaks to him and knows about my situation said he does that with everyone. Only responds to like 1 out of every 20 comments or questions. I am starting to think he really has a mental problem.

Anyway, I came out of my all time low and was doing better over the weekend. Tonight found out he and wife had other mutual friends over for dinner. That makes me want to rip my heart out and die. I feel like crying. We all used to only do stuff together, but now with my situation with him and wife found note from me (see previous post), I will only be seeing in larger group situation. Which is why lunch to me was perfect solution. Didn't have to worry about scheduling larger group plans and only getting a few minutes of time while looking over shoulder for wife.

Was he really THAT bored that all i am is accessory? He has said IN WRITING he likes me and likes spending time with me. But he acts like such a dick 99% of the time. I love him. I hate him. I mostly hate him. But I am obsessed with him.

Has anyone tried hypnosis?
How I feel right now? "You're gonna catch a cold from the ice inside your soul"

49, F
LO 47 M

L-F
Posts: 2428
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: trying to undo the mental damage NOT WORKING

Post by L-F » Mon Jan 14, 2019 7:55 am

Have you disclosed to your husband? Could you ask him for his support?

To get over the obsession one has to be honest with themselves that this goes beyond wanting LO.

I'm happy for people to have affairs, because sometimes it takes having an affair to understand that the affair itself doesn't solve anything. As for going beyond the obsession, what kind of heavy lifting are you prepared to do?

Are you wanting to do hypnosis to block, or dig deeper?

I think hypnosis would be interesting. If you do try it keep us posted! My friend tried it to go into her past lives in order to work out why she kept doing what she was doing. I'm not sure I believe 100% in past lives, but it was definitely interesting.
Last edited by L-F on Mon Jan 14, 2019 4:28 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Have conquered limerence. I'm no expert but have learnt enough to know where to look for answers.
Limerence Net helped to heal my heart which led to forgiving my abusers ❤

Post Reply

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 4 guests