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The end finally

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ariadne

The end finally

Post by ariadne » Sat Jan 05, 2019 10:13 pm

I've been lurking in this thread for some years. But I feel that I have to write this now.

He ghosted me again. Part of me wanted to think that we could be friends.That we could meet up and talk about life after not seeing each other for about 1,5 years. We live in different countries now. He happened to be at the same city as me and I suggested to meet up today. He wrote that he would get back to me, but did not answer my message at all today. I should have seen this coming, as I regretted the second I wrote to him and even got sick physically, but I couldn't resist my impulses as I had been dreaming about sending him the text. So I think it's the end of it all.

THE VERY LONG STORY:

I've turned 25 recently. We met when I was 17 on a stormy summer evening. I knew the moment he approached me, that I would fall head over heels for him. We spent the night together and in the morning I told him, I wish I could stop time now because everything is perfect now.

The year after I insisted having contact with him, even though I knew he was not interested in a relationship and he couldn't say that we would meet up in real life. He said we could still be friends. We had many Facebook conversations. Sometimes he even referred subjects we talked about in his facebook statuses. I spent many hours dreaming about meeting him and what we would talk about. I was sometimes frustrated, desperate for approval from him. I didn't understand that was limerence.

One year later we started at the same university in the same city. There were a few times when he initiated contact, one night he even called me but I had missed his call as I was sleeping. But we never decided to meet up. The times we met was through other events and we talked, but I knew that I didn't want to spent my first university year being madly unrequited in love. So I kissed other boys to forget about him and one of them I really liked, we became a couple and he is still now my SO.

The dynamics changed, as I got in a relationship. I remember feeling uncomfortable from LO staring at me and acting really weird when we met during the second university year. We were occasionally at same places through out the third year, but it was when I got acquainted with some of his friends that I saw him more often. We would have casual conversations. He got a girlfriend then. But it was the fourth and the fifth university year things became weird again, when he broke up with his girlfriend. He would be either super excited to talk to me or just totally ignore me.

One night we had the talk about that time when I was madly infatuated, I initiated it because I guess I wanted closure at last. He said that he was sorry for the hurt and he had been thinking about me. He hoped that I would still think of him as a nice person and wanted to stay friends. He moved abroad, I moved to another city, but we still have each other on social media. He occasionally likes my photos on Instagram.

TDLR: Met a guy when I was 17, got head over heels infatuated. Had some contact with him while being in a relationship. Still feels the high and lows years afterwards. We remained friends but not that close friends. Today he ghosted me.

Tremington
Posts: 32
Joined: Mon Dec 31, 2018 4:20 am
Location: Southwest US
Gender:
United States of America

Re: The end finally

Post by Tremington » Sun Jan 06, 2019 12:15 am

He gave you a gift, run with it and don't look back. Find a new man that can be available to you.

ReeledIn
Posts: 615
Joined: Sun Sep 10, 2017 5:39 pm
Gender:
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Re: The end finally

Post by ReeledIn » Sun Jan 06, 2019 6:39 am

I can only say that I wish I could be in your position rather than exposed to my (ex)LO every day. It really IS a gift.

I would disconnect from him in any way possible. Go full no contact, which includes blocking him on all social media so that you are not tempted to social stalk.

Enjoy the freedom from limerence you will gradually begin to feel after this initial painful period.

Your life will be so much better without LO occupying so many of your thoughts. Get some therapy and when you are ready for a new relationship, find someone who treats you as well as you treat them. Find a real friend..someone who wants to be with you. The world is your oyster!
F, 48
exLO M, 54, single coworker
LE began June 2016 | EA/PA followed for 1 yr
LC/NC started 6/18/2017 and continues (at work)
Disclosed all and reconciled with SO

For my story if interested:
http://limerence.net/forum/viewtopic.php?f=4&t=3738

JupiterTaco
Posts: 3651
Joined: Sun Jun 28, 2015 6:12 pm
United States of America

Re: The end finally

Post by JupiterTaco » Mon Jan 07, 2019 11:27 am

I agree. It hurts right now, but it's good you found out how he was without getting too involved with him.
"If we forgive our fathers, what is left?" Thomas Builds The Fire, Smoke Signals

ariadne

Re: The end finally

Post by ariadne » Mon Jan 07, 2019 10:43 pm

Thank you for the encouraging words. In the end, I think I met him at a very vulnerable stage of life and it exaggerated into limerence. He was a mirror of my approval seeking behaviour from others and was kind of self-inflicted. I actually feel more comfortable in my own skin now and also have loving boyfriend.

I guess that it's difficult to accept some people are not as keen in you as them, which also applies to friends I have had but now drifted away.

limerent

Re: The end finally

Post by limerent » Tue Jan 08, 2019 4:24 pm

Maybe I'm dense, but I fail to see what the gift is.

Tremington
Posts: 32
Joined: Mon Dec 31, 2018 4:20 am
Location: Southwest US
Gender:
United States of America

Re: The end finally

Post by Tremington » Tue Jan 08, 2019 4:34 pm

An opportunity to go full NC. Ever try to " arrange" it? Doesn't go so well when you really don't want to.

limerent

Re: The end finally

Post by limerent » Tue Jan 08, 2019 4:39 pm

I see it now. I thought it was about the first love.

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