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My story

Tell us your story. What has been your experience?
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charl
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Joined: Mon Jul 23, 2018 6:57 pm
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My story

Post by charl » Thu Dec 06, 2018 1:02 pm

Hello, I have been a lurker on this forum intermittently but have never posted. So I decided today it might be quite cathartic to tell my story to you fellow limerents, people who may understand. I am a married women in my thirties with a loving husband and small child. I had a very poor childhood and neglectful parents. As such I have ended up with a whole host of attachment issues and have had generalised anxiety/borderline depression throughout my life. This may go someway to explain why I need secure calm people in my life, like my husband. He cares for me very much and I'm glad he is at my side. It may also explain why I have become limerent for another man who, I suppose in my mind, has a similar personality to my own father - an emotionally detached but intelligent man who I could never get close to, but who I wanted to love me back very much. Classic daddy issues. Anyway, I met my LO about 6 years ago. I wasn't particularly attracted to him, but we became friends and eventually started working together. After about a year, like a bolt from the blue, I realised I actually was very attracted to him. He is very awkward around women but I had a feeling he was attracted to me, when you know you know I guess. I don't think he has had many, if any girlfriends. This made me want him even more, to show him the way! It didn't take long before I was blown away by him, wanting to spend more and more time together. Not surprisingly my husband and I went through a rough patch, and I wasn't sure I could see a future for us for a while. I then accidentally/surprisingly became pregnant (with my husband obviously), which was the impetus for my husband and I to get it together a bit. But my feelings for LO haven't gone away and I'm finding they play on quite a destructive part of my personality, and always seem worse when I'm in an anxiety dip. Luckily for me, neither me nor LO have ever discussed "feelings" let alone be physical with each other, we are just friends in the eyes of everyone else. I have managed to keep everything hidden for so long. But I feel very bad about it all, I sometimes get suicidal feelings when I think about the situation changing (e.g., he gets a girlfriend), or being rejected, or even not having the opportunity to see him at all. I want things from him, but I never receive them, such as reassurances. He's actually quite a mean person, yet I still would walk to the ends of the earth to help him out. I hate to think what impact this is having on my actual real relationship with my husband, who doesn't deserve any of this. I know it is negatively impacting on me. I've even had therapy for this issue a few times, but there's never an answer. Can anyone relate to any of this? Any ideas what I can do? I really wish I'd never met my LO.

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David
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Re: My story

Post by David » Thu Dec 06, 2018 3:30 pm

charl wrote:
Thu Dec 06, 2018 1:02 pm
I've even had therapy for this issue a few times, but there's never an answer.
Welcome to the forum

re therapy, think in terms of years and thats if you can find a decent therapist. A few times won't even scratch the itch.
"Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate." - C.G. Jung

For Professional Coaching / Therapy see http://loverelations.co.uk/limerence

Male 58

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