I was that 13 year-old and unfortunately the limertrance lasted a couple of decades on the same person. You are not alone. Hope you can get proper rest soon, Can'tSleep.Can'tSleep wrote: ↑Wed Dec 05, 2018 7:01 pmLimerence over someone I don't even really know makes me feel like I am in 7th grade and I am pining over the cute, popular kid in class who I sit right next to but who doesn't even know I exist. I feel like the awkward teenager who tries to steal glances at my crush without them noticing because I am too insecure and have absolutely no confidence in my weird, 13-year-old self. I feel like a nervous wreck when my "crush" comes anywhere near me and I would love to talk to them but I can barely remember my name.
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Thanks for sharing and welcome to the site
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You’re right. Life is too short for this bullshit. Don’t hate yourself though. It’s not your fault. I know how you feel though, as I completely despise myself. I know the feeling of hating LO too. It’s like ‘Stop invading my brain, asshole!’Can'tSleep wrote: ↑Sun Jan 20, 2019 6:19 amSaturday night musings -
Life is way too short for limerence. Like f*&k what a waste of time.
I hate this and I hate him.
But really I just hate myself.
Yes, exactly! I often look at him and think to myself... "Why are you doing this to me???"
"What do you want from me???"
Of course I know the answer is he's not doing anything to me cause he doesn't know me from a hole in the wall. He is just existing and living his life... and he certainly doesn't want anything from me.
This past week has been killer with contact with LO. It's honestly been both helpful and hurtful because the mundane things that I would take as possible reciprocation only seeing him sparingly seem much MUCH more mundane and like "nothing burgers" when they are happening almost every day. It's like I can finally see how absolutely ordinary certain "interactions" are between us the more that they happen. I put interactions in quotes because we don't actually interact it's really just eye contact, lack of eye contact and an energy that I feel being around him. (which I know I am manifesting on my own) So seeing him a lot this week has definitely helped put things in perspective quite a bit and I actually went home laughing about it a couple times. Of course on the other hand, it breaks my heart cause it's like shit - he really, really does not actually like me does he - so a couple of days I went home laughing - except through tears.
Part of me REALLY wants to go up to this person and say hey, do you like me? Are you attracted to me in anyway? Am I feeling this energy for a reason? And this way no matter what the answer is I would have made a huge ass of myself and be too embarrassed to ever walk foot into this place where I see him EVER again and it would completely force me to go NC. Unfortunately I could never do that for lots of reasons. So anyway, aside from that I am trying to remain strong in not allowing this person, this stranger, to dictate my emotions everyday. Some days are better than others. Like I said before some days I literally feel like I hate him. Some days I say to myself wow, I really think I am in love with this person. But I know, I know, I know limerence is not love - even when god DAMN it feels like it is.
I was also thinking - if I ever found out that a stranger was obsessively thinking about me all the time I would be majorly creeped out. That would be SO weird. So beautiful stranger - I am sorry that I am such a creep. If I could help it, I would.
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