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Feeling the Weight

Open forum ... what's on your mind? Want to vent or lament about your Limerent/Love Object? This is the ideal place.
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Idiotic
Posts: 1444
Joined: Sun Sep 03, 2017 7:58 am

Feeling the Weight

Post by Idiotic » Tue Dec 04, 2018 1:33 pm

This post is more suited to forums like out the fog, but I know more people here and I'd like their thoughts, so I'm posting it here.
So this year is almost over, and I don't have to say how it's been. I think of myself as generally a person of thick skin, and people often look to me for emotional support, and I happily give it. But I've been feeling it for some time now, the weight of others grief. My closest friends have been going through their own crises and we try to see each other through the worse. But despair has an isolating effect, even when shared with your close ones. It makes you lonely, when you think you can't fight it , it closes you off.
I notice it in some people close to me, not to say that I'm spiritually superior , but having been through my own hell hole and clamoring to the edge of it I've learnt a few things . And I see the people I love , and I know what they're going through, and I wish I could do for them what I did for myself. It's so difficult accepting where someone close to you is , in their particular journey ( I hate using the word but I can't think of a better substitute here), and there is so much uncertainty whether they will see themselves through to the other side.
I feel another kind of weight, I feel weighed down because I feel closed off too, as I don't feel like sharing my own little problems, little or big I don't know , I can't voice them because there isn't any space for that in my interactions with my closest friends . It's not a complain of course, I don't wish my friends were a certain way, those are not my terms of friendship.
Perhaps I feel jaded by this new kind of burden, new for me, and I don't really know how to think about it.
Has anyone been through this?
Boy...youre gonna carry that weight, carry that weight, a long time - Golden Slumbers(The Beatles)

Anna
Posts: 324
Joined: Wed Jan 25, 2017 11:15 pm
Canada

Re: Feeling the Weight

Post by Anna » Wed Dec 05, 2018 2:16 am

It sounds like your friends are quite busy at the moment with their own troubles in life and the 'giving' part of their side of friendship is hampered temporarily. Which can happen, I think . We don't always have the same capacity to deal with everything beyond ourselves if we are not in a good situation ourselves. . But I don't think they realize it. It's just that they are out of energy for any extra concerns beyond their own. You tried your best to give what you could, but you don't know if your advice and care has helped or will help them. This can be frustrating, because our co-dependent streak might want to feel soothed by the helping part (and positive outcome).

I am not sure how to address your feeling of being closed off.. maybe you could open up on here? There are a lot of caring people around here...

Idiotic
Posts: 1444
Joined: Sun Sep 03, 2017 7:58 am

Re: Feeling the Weight

Post by Idiotic » Wed Dec 05, 2018 5:37 am

Anna wrote:
Wed Dec 05, 2018 2:16 am
It sounds like your friends are quite busy at the moment with their own troubles in life and the 'giving' part of their side of friendship is hampered temporarily. Which can happen, I think . We don't always have the same capacity to deal with everything beyond ourselves if we are not in a good situation ourselves. . But I don't think they realize it. It's just that they are out of energy for any extra concerns beyond their own. You tried your best to give what you could, but you don't know if your advice and care has helped or will help them. This can be frustrating, because our co-dependent streak might want to feel soothed by the helping part (and positive outcome).

I am not sure how to address your feeling of being closed off.. maybe you could open up on here? There are a lot of caring people around here...
When I say closed off , I mean from the people I love. I am very close to two of my friends, and I feel we are growing apart in our own sadness.
It's not simply about whether or not I finally help them or they help me , I think I fear the change that I see coming , I fear it is inevitable. I made a post a few months ago when I said, the last of my closest friends are moving to different cities. For me that was the end of my extended 'childhood'. I suppose I am still mourning that.
And there is also genuine grief from being unable to reach into your someone's minds and flick a switch or something to just be able to change their approach. Be it my mother, or my friends, or anyone I love.
Wow, I sound like the Depressed AI from the TV show Maniac.
Boy...youre gonna carry that weight, carry that weight, a long time - Golden Slumbers(The Beatles)

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