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Confused

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Confused714
Posts: 7
Joined: Sun Dec 02, 2018 6:22 pm
Gender:
United States of America

Confused

Post by Confused714 » Sun Dec 02, 2018 9:34 pm

Hi! I am new here. I posted this in another section but I guess it’s my story or intro too. Super confused right now. I just found out about limerence as I think I may be experiencing it. There is someone who I have known for many years(20) We have lost touch and reconnected a few times over the years but a few years ago he reached out to me and we reconnected. We started talking a lot like we had in the past but it continuely progressed to more than just friends. We are both married. His relationship was really bad at the time and mine was so bad that I was already considering leaving. I am a emotionally abusive relationship. Anyway as we continued talking all the time feelings started to develop on both sides. Was more on his side first. Then I progressively started to feel them too. We love to far away now to actually see each other in person so everything happened through texting and phone calls. We have talked almost daily for the last 2.5 years. It used to be all day long. From morning until night everyday sending texts or calling. Not as much now but still talk a lot. He will not leave his family because they have children and things have gotten somewhat better. I haven’t left ether although I should reguardleas of him. Everything is so complicated. Now it hurts to think about him not being in my life. I have very strong feelings for him. Is this limerence? How do I get past it? Do we have to stop being friends to get past it?

Whiskeyjack
Posts: 133
Joined: Mon Jun 18, 2018 6:25 am
Gender:
Canada

Re: Confused

Post by Whiskeyjack » Sun Dec 02, 2018 10:56 pm

Confused714 wrote:
Sun Dec 02, 2018 9:34 pm
Hi! I am new here. I posted this in another section but I guess it’s my story or intro too. Super confused right now. I just found out about limerence as I think I may be experiencing it. There is someone who I have known for many years(20) We have lost touch and reconnected a few times over the years but a few years ago he reached out to me and we reconnected. We started talking a lot like we had in the past but it continuely progressed to more than just friends. We are both married. His relationship was really bad at the time and mine was so bad that I was already considering leaving. I am a emotionally abusive relationship. Anyway as we continued talking all the time feelings started to develop on both sides. Was more on his side first. Then I progressively started to feel them too. We love to far away now to actually see each other in person so everything happened through texting and phone calls. We have talked almost daily for the last 2.5 years. It used to be all day long. From morning until night everyday sending texts or calling. Not as much now but still talk a lot. He will not leave his family because they have children and things have gotten somewhat better. I haven’t left ether although I should reguardleas of him. Everything is so complicated. Now it hurts to think about him not being in my life. I have very strong feelings for him. Is this limerence? How do I get past it? Do we have to stop being friends to get past it?
Hi confused714 and welcome to the forum. There are people here with a wide variety of life experiences so you'll get good advice. I'm very happy to have found this place and to have learned that I'm not alone.

I have to wonder if what you're experiencing is limerence, or simply the effects of the ending of a loving relationship. Since you're in an emotionally abusive relationship, it sounds like that, naturally, you went elsewhere for what you weren't getting in your relationship with your SO. Since that relationship is tapering off/ending, it would be natural for you to be grieving the loss. Perhaps more so, since you're back to full immersion in a bad relationship.

So what, then, makes you think this is limerence as opposed to grief (or some other emotional state)?

You know that you're capable of finding happiness with another, so I hope you can find the strength to leave the relationship with your SO.
Best of luck.

Confused714
Posts: 7
Joined: Sun Dec 02, 2018 6:22 pm
Gender:
United States of America

Re: Confused

Post by Confused714 » Sun Dec 02, 2018 11:51 pm

Whiskeyjack wrote:
Sun Dec 02, 2018 10:56 pm
Confused714 wrote:
Sun Dec 02, 2018 9:34 pm
Hi! I am new here. I posted this in another section but I guess it’s my story or intro too. Super confused right now. I just found out about limerence as I think I may be experiencing it. There is someone who I have known for many years(20) We have lost touch and reconnected a few times over the years but a few years ago he reached out to me and we reconnected. We started talking a lot like we had in the past but it continuely progressed to more than just friends. We are both married. His relationship was really bad at the time and mine was so bad that I was already considering leaving. I am a emotionally abusive relationship. Anyway as we continued talking all the time feelings started to develop on both sides. Was more on his side first. Then I progressively started to feel them too. We love to far away now to actually see each other in person so everything happened through texting and phone calls. We have talked almost daily for the last 2.5 years. It used to be all day long. From morning until night everyday sending texts or calling. Not as much now but still talk a lot. He will not leave his family because they have children and things have gotten somewhat better. I haven’t left ether although I should reguardleas of him. Everything is so complicated. Now it hurts to think about him not being in my life. I have very strong feelings for him. Is this limerence? How do I get past it? Do we have to stop being friends to get past it?
Hi confused714 and welcome to the forum. There are people here with a wide variety of life experiences so you'll get good advice. I'm very happy to have found this place and to have learned that I'm not alone.

I have to wonder if what you're experiencing is limerence, or simply the effects of the ending of a loving relationship. Since you're in an emotionally abusive relationship, it sounds like that, naturally, you went elsewhere for what you weren't getting in your relationship with your SO. Since that relationship is tapering off/ending, it would be natural for you to be grieving the loss. Perhaps more so, since you're back to full immersion in a bad relationship.

So what, then, makes you think this is limerence as opposed to grief (or some other emotional state)?

You know that you're capable of finding happiness with another, so I hope you can find the strength to leave the relationship with your SO.
Best of luck.

Thank you for your response. Honestly I don’t know if it is or not. I think about him all the time. I have normal anxiety issues so don’t know if the anxiety I get is just fear of it ending/losing him or if it’s limerence. How do you know the difference. I know realistically (and really always have) that we can’t be together because we both have families and also live far away from each other but it didn’t stop me from developing feelings for him. Is it because he was filling a void and I was very vulnerable when he came into my life or is it limerence. I feel very attached to him and losing him from my life would hurt really bad. I still get happy when he texts me. I get a lot of anxiety when I think of losing that. I’m just so confused.

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