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I just wanna know.

Open forum ... what's on your mind? Want to vent or lament about your Limerent/Love Object? This is the ideal place.
Pierre
Posts: 62
Joined: Sat May 20, 2017 5:12 am
Sweden

I just wanna know.

Post by Pierre » Sun Dec 02, 2018 10:23 am

I get it, Limerence, I get it.. it’s not about her, it’s about me, internally.
There’s been moments in the last few years when I believed I’d conquered this thing.
I’d dished out supportive advice to other posters, confident in the fact that I’d nailed this..
After all this, I see her and My heart skips a beat.

I just wanna know , L.... , did you feel this as well .?

Just tell me.

LostAgain
Posts: 355
Joined: Wed Feb 08, 2017 11:17 am
Great Britain

Re: I just wanna know.

Post by LostAgain » Sun Dec 02, 2018 11:09 am

Of course I/we did.
That's its power. :ymhug:

Pierre
Posts: 62
Joined: Sat May 20, 2017 5:12 am
Sweden

Re: I just wanna know.

Post by Pierre » Sun Dec 02, 2018 11:18 am

Are “ we “ particularly susceptible to this? Maybe, everyone has this ... maybe it is actually love?

Charm
Posts: 275
Joined: Sat Apr 28, 2018 4:10 pm
Gender:
Canada

Re: I just wanna know.

Post by Charm » Sun Dec 02, 2018 12:35 pm

I definitely think mine is love and no longer just an LO
I think I am in the minority on this forum since he has reciprocated for 11 months and counting
We are physically and emotionally connected
We have expressed exactly how we feel for each other
I dont hate my SO and in fact think he is an incredible person
I just want to spend the next 20, 30 years of my life with this man that has completely stolen my heart or a big part of it
The barrier? His wife and his choice not to leave her as this would cause an explosion he is not willing to endure so he apparently does not love me the way I love him which will be the reason this affair will end
Married female 47
LO is older married male
Attempted NC -failed 3x
Now in full blown EA and PA

MetsFan
Posts: 49
Joined: Fri Aug 10, 2018 8:23 am
Gender:
United States of America

Re: I just wanna know.

Post by MetsFan » Sun Dec 02, 2018 2:08 pm

LO is a drug, you’ve worked hard going cold turkey to get yourself off it, and now you’ve had a hit, bringing you right back to square one. It’s totally understandable. Now you have to go again with the cold turkey, you’ve done it before you can again.

Maddie
Posts: 751
Joined: Fri Feb 02, 2018 1:09 am
Gender:
United States of America

Re: I just wanna know.

Post by Maddie » Sun Dec 02, 2018 8:21 pm

Hey Pierre!!
Ditto MetsFan. Understandable question. I asked it. He confirmed his interest in me. I can't say it improved my mental health, as now that we're NC, I still have questions. This time it's a different question. Do you obsess over me?? WillI you take me home with you?? Lol. don't think I'll ask him that, so thats good. The question itself is a burning desire for a limerent. Wish I had more advice. I know you've prob seen that section here re disclosing vs not....
39, F
LO, 50 , M
Mental health is an ongoing commitment to reality at all costs-- (M Scott Peck)

Spinnaker
Posts: 1904
Joined: Mon Oct 10, 2016 7:25 am
Gender:
Contact:
United States of America

Re: I just wanna know.

Post by Spinnaker » Sun Dec 02, 2018 9:03 pm

Hey Maddie;)
I’m confused and just asking for some clarification with no judgement coming from me. Am I hearing you say you want your LO to obsess over you (like a limerent), too?

Maddie
Posts: 751
Joined: Fri Feb 02, 2018 1:09 am
Gender:
United States of America

Re: I just wanna know.

Post by Maddie » Sun Dec 02, 2018 9:24 pm

I want to know if he is limerent or not. Now, I know it doesnt matter in terms of my recovery, but....
On my worst days, I have wished he was limerent. On my better days, I have compassion for him and wouldn't want him to suffer.
On my best days, I suppose it doesnt matter if he is, but I don't have many days like this.....yet.
And I really am doing a lot to stay away, it's a fight--so I really won't be asking him this. I was really just trying to relate to OP.
Isn't it normal to want someone to want you, or miss you, but not to the level of limerence?

Edited to say, I think this is a projection-- I don't know! I've often felt angry that a parent abandoned me....wanted him to want me/miss me
39, F
LO, 50 , M
Mental health is an ongoing commitment to reality at all costs-- (M Scott Peck)

L-F
Posts: 1916
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: I just wanna know.

Post by L-F » Sun Dec 02, 2018 10:49 pm

I know my LO was limerent for me :-$

I'm just thankful I didn't know it back then. But I'm a little different because I was the runner not chaser. Meaning, had she touched me seductively I would have fainted or run as fast as I could to get away. The entire time I was limerent I fought it. I knew it wasn't healthy or normal :))

Sorry for going off topic... this is why I believe there are many parallels to the Twin Flame phenomenon. The thing is, if 2 unhealed TFers get together, all hell breaks loose. The affair has too many highs and lows until it takes it toll and then I'd only imagine a complete and utter meltdown or explosion! This means, whilst limerent, there are wounds that each must address in their own time - apart! Once both have healed their mirror wounds, welllllll........... heaven on earth O:-) ya'll can guess what it would be like.

But but but... BOTH have to be healed and most often, only one person wakes up, or if both wake up, one takes longer to heal. So the healed person has a choice to sit it out (and hope to Gward the other person gets their schism together), OR, they get on with their life. The things is, a healthy healed person knows they are loved and doesn't feel the 'I must have this person for this reason' need. In fact, a healthy healed person has next to no need because, well, they are needless. All this is my own opinion of course.

So going back to LO. My guess is I mirrored her wounds and vice versa. We'd be complete idiots to think anything together could, would or should work.

I'm just happy to get on with my life.
Have conquered limerence.
I'm no expert, but have learnt enough to know where to look for answers.

mamasita
Posts: 726
Joined: Wed Oct 11, 2017 10:27 pm
Location: USA
Gender:
United States of America

Re: I just wanna know.

Post by mamasita » Mon Dec 03, 2018 2:45 pm

I wanted to know too.
Occasionally we would drop hints. Make eye contact. He saw me, I saw him.
Then I wanted to verbalize it. So I did. He confirmed. We kissed.
Even after ALL that...it's not enough.
Next I wanted to consummate.
Then I'm sure I wanted him to profess his love, want me and me alone. On the white horse with the prince, off to never never land. O:-)
It's never enough. When you are limerent, it always feels like longing outside of the extreme highs. There's always unanswered questions.

Step back, prioritize yourself, and heal. It gives me comfort that I'm not "loving" him less by healing myself. He knows how I feel. Now I need to feel the same way about me.

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