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Confused and need advice

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Posts: 1
Joined: Sat Nov 03, 2018 12:13 am
United States of America

Confused and need advice

Post by CassieH »

I would not describe myself as miserable, as many posters on the forum do. But I am experiencing some real highs and lows with this "relationship" I find myself in and it makes me happy but also confused and anxious. We met two years ago in professional circles. We are both mid-forties, married, high-level professionals. I have a teenager, he has no kids. My marriage is devoid of intimacy. My husband is open to my pursuing intimacy outside of out marriage to maintain our home in-tact. This is the first person I have ever been tempted by.

For two years now, my LO and I meet at least 1-2 times monthly for dinner and drinks, usually for 4-5 hours of talking. We text in-between. He initiates as often, if not more than I do. We have shared professional interests but also open up to each other about goals, fears, etc. We hug hello and goodbye. We make lots of eye contact and the way I look at him, he must know I am falling in love with him. I can't believe that I hide it well. He, on the other hand, is a mystery to me. He never talks about his wife other than in passing. I have never met her and I don't believe she knows about our meetings. He has told me many emotional, private things about himself otherwise. My gut tells me he feels something for me, or he wouldn't pursue the friendship. I don't think most men pursue new friendships with women they aren't attracted to on some level. Because we have a professional relationship during the day, I can see why he may be afraid to cross the line. I want to let him know it is ok to, not because I necessarily want to have the affair, but because I really want him to feel about me the way I do him. Not knowing is driving me crazy. In other words, I don't want us to have the affair. I just want him to want the affair as I do.

Should I reveal to him what I am feeling? Should I look for signs that he feels the same? What would those be? Right now, this is the only thing in my life giving me pleasure, and it is also driving me crazy at the same time. What do I do?


Posts: 10
Joined: Mon Aug 20, 2018 2:35 am
United States of America

Re: Confused and need advice

Post by Tracer »

Cassie, why don't you just talk to him honestly about how you are feeling ? If he feels the same then you guys could make a decision on how to proceed. You say it is okay with your husband that you seek intimacy outside the relationship, but is it the same for this other person ? Either way its a slippery slope as neither of you are fully available and one of you will most likely get hurt. If it were me I think I would work on the issue with my partner (either separate or work on staying together) before starting something with someone new who is also married.

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