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Love Addicted

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Tracer
Posts: 10
Joined: Mon Aug 20, 2018 2:35 am
United States of America

Love Addicted

Post by Tracer » Tue Oct 30, 2018 3:33 pm

I am so love addicted. In June I met someone online who seemed very interested. After the first date she was texting all the time and genuinely excited to get to know me, she seemed to really like me. fourth in person date we hit a deal breaker and she stopped with the texts and wanting to date further. I became hooked and have been struggling ever since. The deal breaker was that she is a daily drug user and I am in recovery. I was totally willing to ignore this red flag but she pulled away first. That got me hooked. Positive feelings, hits of dopamine via texts got taken away. I obsessed thru September and we got back in touch. I told her the drug thing would not be an issue for me, that I would like to give it a shot. She then told me she just wants to be friends. I agreed to friendship even though I knew it probably wouldnt work because I am obsessed and want more. I haven't initiated contact with her since. I just unfriended her on facebook which was a big step for me. I had been going on her page and worried that she would unfriend me first. I hope I did the right thing. I really want to move on as it is not a good situation. every time I chase or show interest, she runs away. =((

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Chuck
Posts: 77
Joined: Wed Feb 19, 2014 11:04 pm
Canada

Re: Love Addicted

Post by Chuck » Tue Oct 30, 2018 3:53 pm

You absolutely did the right thing. The great news is that you have recognized the obsession for what it is and seem to have a good handle on what is actually going on. It hurts like hell, but going NC is the only place to start.
Consider this yet another recovery WIN for you.
"In the end, only three things matter: how much you loved, how gently you lived, and how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you."
Buddhist saying

Tracer
Posts: 10
Joined: Mon Aug 20, 2018 2:35 am
United States of America

Re: Love Addicted

Post by Tracer » Tue Oct 30, 2018 4:56 pm

thanks Chuck. I unfriended yesterday and felt great but today it is sinking in so its a bit harder. I am addicted to her like a drug though. I hate whejn they come on strong and then run away, it triggers me so much.

mamasita
Posts: 706
Joined: Wed Oct 11, 2017 10:27 pm
Location: USA
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United States of America

Re: Love Addicted

Post by mamasita » Tue Oct 30, 2018 6:16 pm

Tracer

I am sorry for what you are going through. The action of unfriending her is a tough one, but it can propel you to your healing place as well. Some days will be tough for sure. When I unfollowed LO on social media (even blocked him on one platform) I was devastated. I imagine it would be like flushing your cigarettes down the toilet for a smoker. Really scary. The longing and wishing to see his face after years of pretending to know him or be in a relationship with him and watching him daily had come to an end. It was too painful to endure. The days and weeks following were painful too. Ever so slowly I have begun to have better days. I still miss and want him for a brief hour here and there, but its not nonstop craving like before.
I still get the jolt when I see him. But I know that I am going to be okay, all in all.
I am also forcing myself to look within. What do I think that I can get from him that I don't already have?
What makes me think he will fulfill me any better than I can fulfill myself?
It is an illusion. These people trigger something within that more likely patterns from our FOO or a parent. We are trying to make a childhood pain feel better. Your LO is a distraction from deep pain that your inner child wants someone to recognize. Dig within. Keep learning and reading here. Good luck!

Maddie
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Joined: Fri Feb 02, 2018 1:09 am
Gender:
United States of America

Re: Love Addicted

Post by Maddie » Tue Oct 30, 2018 7:20 pm

Tracer wrote:
Tue Oct 30, 2018 4:56 pm
thanks Chuck. I unfriended yesterday and felt great but today it is sinking in so its a bit harder. I am addicted to her like a drug though. I hate whejn they come on strong and then run away, it triggers me so much.
Tracer,

I get where you're coming from. I've recently put up boundaries with LO and I am trying to stay away from him. It really is like a drug; I am in recovery as well. However, of all the substances I've withdrawn from, this addiction to a person seems to be the most challenging. I do have to remember how hard it was when I quit drinking especially...for some reason, that's been on my mind a lot lately (the early days of that recovery). It's challenging for the very reason that you alluded to...I can make a positive step in this recovery, and inevitably the next few days are rough. I feel like I'm bragging one minute about how awesome I'm doing and crying out for help the next minute. One thing I try to remember is that the pain/longing generally subsides after a short time.
Good job on the unfriending on FB!!!
39, F
LO, 50 , M
Mental health is an ongoing commitment to reality at all costs-- (M Scott Peck)

Tracer
Posts: 10
Joined: Mon Aug 20, 2018 2:35 am
United States of America

Re: Love Addicted

Post by Tracer » Fri Nov 02, 2018 2:44 am

i was doing well but today was hard. still in nc but really want to cyberstalk. seeing her photos always makes me sadderand increases the obsession so why do i want to do it ? secretly hoping i will hear from her but i probably wont. i know that in time i will be free of the obsession but right now its owning me

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Chuck
Posts: 77
Joined: Wed Feb 19, 2014 11:04 pm
Canada

Re: Love Addicted

Post by Chuck » Fri Nov 02, 2018 7:30 pm

I hear you brother. It's a tough road.
From the last time I saw my LO, it was about 18 months before the day came when I woke up and she wasn't the first thing I thought about. It was about mid day before I noticed her absence in my mind, and I was so amazed. After that, whenever I thought about reaching out and messaging her, I realized that I actually had nothing to say.

You've got this.
"In the end, only three things matter: how much you loved, how gently you lived, and how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you."
Buddhist saying

Tracer
Posts: 10
Joined: Mon Aug 20, 2018 2:35 am
United States of America

Re: Love Addicted

Post by Tracer » Sat Nov 03, 2018 12:58 am

thanks chuck :-)

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