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most shameful thing you've done....

Open forum ... what's on your mind? Want to vent or lament about your Limerent/Love Object? This is the ideal place.
Pandora
Posts: 231
Joined: Wed Sep 05, 2018 4:29 pm
Canada

Re: most shameful thing you've done....

Post by Pandora » Sun Jan 13, 2019 11:41 pm

Twice I bought my LO gifts. Fortunately, I never got the opportunity to give them to him.
Desire is a state,
a state of ill repair.
It's ill prepared to cope,
it's ill prepared to care.

ReeledIn
Posts: 614
Joined: Sun Sep 10, 2017 5:39 pm
Gender:
United States of America

Re: most shameful thing you've done....

Post by ReeledIn » Fri Jan 18, 2019 4:19 am

Pandora wrote:
Sun Jan 13, 2019 11:41 pm
Twice I bought my LO gifts. Fortunately, I never got the opportunity to give them to him.
If that's the most shameful thing, Pandora...consider yourself VERY fortunate. That's nothin'. :))
Me = F, 48
LO = M, 54, single coworker
LE began June 2016 | EA/PA followed for 1 yr
LC/NC for 19 mos (at work)
Disclosed all and reconciled with SO

For my story if interested:
http://limerence.net/forum/viewtopic.php?f=4&t=3738

Pandora
Posts: 231
Joined: Wed Sep 05, 2018 4:29 pm
Canada

Re: most shameful thing you've done....

Post by Pandora » Fri Jan 18, 2019 4:31 am

ReeledIn wrote:
Fri Jan 18, 2019 4:19 am
If that's the most shameful thing, Pandora...consider yourself VERY fortunate. That's nothin'. :))
I'm pretty fortunate in this round of limerence B-)

However, if I go back to my previous LO, that was a complete shit show of shameful activities which are far to horrific too mention on a public board.

:ymsick:
Desire is a state,
a state of ill repair.
It's ill prepared to cope,
it's ill prepared to care.

L-F
Posts: 2004
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: most shameful thing you've done....

Post by L-F » Fri Jan 18, 2019 6:53 pm

wisteria.and.wine wrote:
Sun Jan 13, 2019 11:33 pm
Wow. Everyone else's "worst" is my best. Lol I feel too ashamed to even post my worst. x_x
Ditto! Even though we didn't get physical I certainly couldn't post it here. Even those that I've shared it with thought it was badass embarrassing.
Have conquered limerence.
I'm no expert, but have learnt enough to know where to look for answers.

L-F
Posts: 2004
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: most shameful thing you've done....

Post by L-F » Fri Jan 18, 2019 8:20 pm

Cookie wrote:
Sun Jan 13, 2019 5:24 pm
On that note, my last THREE (3) LOs have all pursued me on Facebook. That's how we met. Ugh! Lesson learned: DON'T respond to random messages. Ever, ever, ever. This is a huge victory for me.
I cannot stand any man (other than my husband) contacting me, whether on here, FB or wherever. That's because I don't trust their intentions. I get friend requests from men and sometimes I reluctantly accept hoping they won't be a jerk and what do I get? A message saying I look friendly (yea flippin right), and I have lovely eyes. Piss off I say! Talk to me with your brain and not your dick. So I block them. Even got one on LinkedIn for goodness sake. And here I was thinking LinkedIn was for professional use. Pfftt. I have to know a mans character before I'll trust him. Freaking weirdoes!
Cookie wrote:
Sun Jan 13, 2019 5:24 pm
I think working through the shame is a big part of it...especially for some of us who are harboring a childhood shame or guilt of some kind.
Absolutely!
Have conquered limerence.
I'm no expert, but have learnt enough to know where to look for answers.

L-F
Posts: 2004
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: most shameful thing you've done....

Post by L-F » Fri Jan 18, 2019 9:36 pm

The dirty secret behind my limerence... I was looking for a mama to help heal my mama and papa wounds.

Limerence makes us think they want US when in fact they only want a BODY to sleep with (you only have to ask them to marry you to know if they really want you). Plus they only want what WE represent, a mama or papa to fix their wounds. But that shit can only be fixed ourselves. If doesn't work if we expect others to fix us and vice versa.

I'd love to have a close friendship with LO now that I wholeheartedly know and have incorporated this shit.
Have conquered limerence.
I'm no expert, but have learnt enough to know where to look for answers.

Cookie
Posts: 416
Joined: Wed Sep 27, 2017 4:08 pm
United States of America

Re: most shameful thing you've done....

Post by Cookie » Sat Jan 19, 2019 12:24 am

L-F wrote:
Fri Jan 18, 2019 8:20 pm
I cannot stand any man (other than my husband) contacting me, whether on here, FB or wherever. That's because I don't trust their intentions. I get friend requests from men and sometimes I reluctantly accept hoping they won't be a jerk and what do I get? A message saying I look friendly (yea flippin right), and I have lovely eyes. Piss off I say! Talk to me with your brain and not your dick. So I block them.
Wish I had known you 10 years ago, or that this forum existed then. I have wasted a decade of my life because of these contacts, which in several cases have started out under a professional guise. The artist one that just ended is the worst because it cost me 6 months of work time that was *supposed* to be a collaboration. UGH, I get so mad it brings me to tears.

Block is the only way, the earlier the better.
Female, age 52
Limerent for as long as I can remember
Have had 7 "real" LOs in the last 25 years
Current LO is male, age 44, married AND has another GF!

Cookie
Posts: 416
Joined: Wed Sep 27, 2017 4:08 pm
United States of America

Re: most shameful thing you've done....

Post by Cookie » Sat Jan 19, 2019 12:36 am

L-F wrote:
Fri Jan 18, 2019 9:36 pm
I'd love to have a close friendship with LO now that I wholeheartedly know and have incorporated this shit.
It sounds good in theory...the close friendship...but I'm starting to second guess the wisdom in doing this, and my ability to handle it long term.

Artist freak LO and I have a lot in common, but he disappears for extended amounts of time, and I think he is doing it now to see if I will notice. That's his attention-seeking behavior. Then I get anxious wondering where he is and what he's up to. That's my abandonment-fear behavior.

The only difference is I don't go bonkers with text messages and social media check-ins. And I need to remind myself that he love-bombed me whenever I would pull back, so I am completely on guard for that. And I'm ready for it.

So even when we have it sorted mentally, cognitively -- the triggers are STILL there because of how deep these emotions go. I believe they become part of our DNA, and we don't have much control over our feelings even if our brains can enable us to overcome any impulses.
Female, age 52
Limerent for as long as I can remember
Have had 7 "real" LOs in the last 25 years
Current LO is male, age 44, married AND has another GF!

JupiterTaco
Posts: 3371
Joined: Sun Jun 28, 2015 6:12 pm
United States of America

Re: most shameful thing you've done....

Post by JupiterTaco » Sat Jan 19, 2019 12:58 am

Cookie wrote:
Sat Jan 19, 2019 12:24 am
I have wasted a decade of my life because of these contacts, which in several cases have started out under a professional guise. The artist one that just ended is the worst because it cost me 6 months of work time that was *supposed* to be a collaboration. UGH, I get so mad it brings me to tears.
Ugh, I read an article some time back about a freelance writer who was contacted by an older man under the guise of wanting a writing coach, and he hit on her at lunch and told her that he was actually not interested in a writing coach but in her as a person and then accused her of needing an "open mind". :-o I'm so sorry for you professional ladies (and men possibly?) who have experienced this. It's such a low thing to do.

I was just wondering, is there a term for this type of thing? Some type of bait and switch tactic definitely...
"Don't look through their eyes. Look through your eyes".-Kutch, Edge Of America

L-F
Posts: 2004
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: most shameful thing you've done....

Post by L-F » Sat Jan 19, 2019 3:44 am

Cookie wrote:
Sat Jan 19, 2019 12:36 am
Then I get anxious wondering where he is and what he's up to. That's my abandonment-fear behavior.
I freakin LOVE this! Awareness right there! Living thru the anxiety knowing its trigger - BOOM! Can't get better than that! It feels like shit (anxiety/fear) and yet it doesn't kill us. Quite the opposite, it (sitting with pain) creates awareness. Awareness doesn't take the pain away, it just provides more clarity.
Cookie wrote:
Sat Jan 19, 2019 12:36 am
So even when we have it sorted mentally, cognitively -- the triggers are STILL there because of how deep these emotions go. I believe they become part of our DNA, and we don't have much control over our feelings even if our brains can enable us to overcome any impulses.
I agree. Intergenerational right? Friggin up to us to stop this shit I say. Stop it from spreading to further generations. This is where I believe (on a spiritual basis) collective consciousness is increasing. And when the world is healed, we blow up and the dinosaurs return so we can start the bullshit all over again.

This bs is so ingrained that articles/posts on affairs triggers my trauma. I'm slowly coming to grips with it. The worst movie to trigger me in my teens was 'Fatal Attraction'. So wanted to kill that whore. And cut off his dick.

I should watch it again, might view it differently now.

Just wanted to say... I respect your point of view. It brings a breath of fresh air.
Have conquered limerence.
I'm no expert, but have learnt enough to know where to look for answers.

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