Ready to heal

[minimcmanno]

I am done with this. I feel as I have hit rock bottom. I am feeling like crap. It is now affecting my grades(now getting c's), possibly will affect when I get my drivers licence(I am a car guy). My LO is in the IB(super smart kids) program at another school and every time I try to sit down and do my homework(so that don't get c's) I am triggered by the the thought that I can't be like her(even though I am super gifted and considered by most very intelligent). When I try to start an assignment I start to feel weak, struggle to breathe, and can't focus on anything but her. I show up at school in the morning having gotten nothing done and thus feel like crap. I struggle to comprehend the idea that I am throwing away my potential over someone that I haven't seen for over a year; or let alone actually gone to school with for two years. I feel like I am some kind of psycho. Something needs to change. Where can I start.

[minimcmanno]

I feel like I am the only teen on here. I am scared that this experience will last a long time.

[Pudding]

Do you have access to a therapist or similar? Perhaps a student wellness centre would be a good place to start?

[minimcmanno]

I have an appointment with my psychiatrist today. Actually in two hours. Very embarrassed to talk about this, but I guess that's what doctors are for.

[Pandora]

It IS embarrassing to talk about, but I can assure you that limerence rates somewhere near the absolute bottom of shocking things that your psychiatrist hears about. Plus, they have a saying: we're only as sick as our secrets. Being able to air it out will hopefully give limerence less power!

Good luck and let us know how the appointment goes!

[Helpmeplease]

Realised I posted my response on wrong thread - hope the session goes ok today.
Isn't here some one at school toy can talk to about still access in study and teaching if you are not attending? (Did I understand that right?)

Try of think of some ways you could get back into study.
Think for what triggers her for you, and avoid thkise thoughts temporarily when you study? Why do you want to be like her? Can you place some negative thoughts around her - she is getting in the way of you getting that car?

Would setting a study plan help, enforce in your mind that it's study only in that session, no phone, not way of contact?
Can you think of a car being a reward for studying hard? (I am a car person too)

Super gifted & poor results is also a sign of bring totally bored or distracted. Being in wrong environment or not stretched. Can you combine car interests and a study hobby - mecanhical enginering side of a V8?

[minimcmanno]

Detailed background

WARNING!! I started writing and realized the 1st paragraph was sort of a rant!

For background. In 8th grade I fell limerent for a girl who's name I won't disclose, but I will call Diane. She is Muslim (at the time I was atheist), and I never really noticed her because she was really quiet, but one day she came to school not wearing her hijab. I instantly noticed her and she was beautiful, she was wearing a turquoise sweater and light blue jeans. I just couldn't keep my feelings in. At the end of the day she and I had a club meeting, and when I walked in and saw her, I gave her the compliment "your hair is beautiful". I instantly blushed and was in love. Later that year a friend in our social circle told her that I liked her, and nothing came of it. Now 2 years later I am a sophomore at a different high school than her. Every few months I become really obsessive over her but its normally over after a week or two. I figured that I was over her, so I followed her on Instagram. Very bad Idea because I am relapsing. I told her that I still have feelings for her, she responded by saying she thinks I'm a nice person but isn't attracted to me. I now am obsessed and have frequent cry sessions and horrible dreams.

Mind You LO is Muslim

This year in school I started affiliating with some really racist people at my really white school. They say thing such as "I hate Ni****s" and "all Muslims are Terrorists". I had started sitting with them because I am somewhat left leaning and wanted to stay unbiased, I felt like sitting with them to see the other side of the story (Super conservative america). I left the table as soon as I experienced this following nightmare.

Dream Time

Anyways, A couple of weeks ago I had a dream In which all of these racist people kidnapped Diane. They took her In their Jeep and went on to sexually assault, torture, and harass her. I experienced watching all of this from the third person. I went on to rescue her by hitting them off the road with my car and pulling her out the window. The whole dream I felt Helpless and horrified. I woke up crying.